Day one

[starry-eyed pirate]

This is a request and I'm more than half drunk...;

Starry-eyed pirate remembers the day he went into straight Inc.  My buddy is here and we're still drinkin' after the Steelers game, so please bear with me slightly if you're cool...

Yeah, I remember how I was lied to by my own parents, and tricked into walkin' thru the doors of that mind-rape chamber, hold on a minute while I change the disc for my friend, who is downstairs listenin' to some S.C.I. bootleg.

I'm sorry, I'm slightly distracted.

Oh yeah, that's right "Day One", I rememeber...

My buddy who doesn't know about str8 but loves to hear my stereo kickin' out some killer tunes says: "Fuck all those people"... when he read what I was up to...he's drunk and naturally doesn't understand.

Day One... After an intake which lasted several hours which was followed by a strip search I was introduced to group... I didn't know anyone but some bitches knew me.  I wasn't surprised by the all out assault against me.  I had known for a long time that society was sick.

I sat down on front row, the first intake of the day, which makes sense by my old mans' personality, who is career military, and fuck him anyway based on the shit he wrote to another  7-stepper, that I read today...(oh shit.  I don't really mean "Fuck" my dad, but it's just that he still doesn't get it and remains unaware of the damage he's done.  In that email he wrote to  that 7-stepper he congratulates him on bein' 20 years "straight". It just made me sick to read.)



And as I tried to take in where I was a shock came over me from wich I have never recovered , The betrayal is so deep, I hesitate to try to explain.

But you must know... You who feel me, and know that my description of Str8 is true...

Yeah,... After all the humilliation of strippin down to nothin and squattin' down like a bitch for others to see that I was hidin' nothin' I was escorted into the main group room and I remember the feelin' , 20 years ago, of bein' disempowered and yet empowered at the same time.  I had always suspected that some place like str8 existed, and now I knew that my suspicions had been right.  Somehow I took strength from that underrstanding.  I was rocked back on my heels, in shock and disbelief and yet felt righteous as Christ too.

I knew str8 was a weak attempt to break me.  I looked around and saw what I was dealin' with...the psychosis of the adult world.

"This is Starry-eyed pirate... He's done Pot, alcohol, mushrooms, P.C.P, etc, whatever...

They placed me in a seat, an orange chair on front row, I was shocked at the betrayal, so obvious now...  

A little while later H@rry Tayl%r was introduced to group and then Ben V. and they were both placed on front row a few seats down from me...  


H@rry leaned out so I could see his face and asked me out loud if I wanted to make a break for the one door with him but I just looked at him. Not sure quite what to think at the time...


I thought he was brash and impatient.  I wanted to wait ' till I had a better chance before I ran.  Wanted to hold my cards just a little while until I could get an advantage.  Wanted to play it cool...

Harry, I remember you, you were bold.

So I played it cool, was patient, and bided my time...

Harry I drink to you... Live for you...wonder what ever became of you.  I heard that after your 4th cop-out you wrecked your motorcycle and sustained some serious head trauma and were livin' like a vegetable now.  I don't know if that's true or just some scary rumor intended to intimidate me into sobriety.

(Does anyone know what happened to my brother ??)


.

[starry-eyed pirate]

There I was, alone as you all know on front row, shocked and dazed... amazed at the callousness I knew.

I looked around me... I took in my surroundings... I felt the strength of my enemy... I took the measure of my own life and played my cards the best I could.  I laid low with my mouth shut and my ears back and waited, not motivating at all...

I recognized some of the muther-fuckers who knew my name.  Muther-fuckin' pussies from str8 Who recognized me from school...Muther-fuckers who are glad they don't know me now, not that I would beat their ass or nothin', I'm way past that, but they would be extremely uncomfortable if they lived in my town now.  And I am quite capable of rockin' some muther-fuckers back, but I don't want to do that and avoid violence if I can help myself.

That night, my first night in the program, I was shocked again to hear I couldn/t call my girlfriend, to tell her where I was or what was goin' on.  She was sweet too, and we were young and free at the time.  This alone makes str8 ugly as sin to me...I miss you to this day, Mindy. I miss you.

I heard some sick shit that first night, under str8s' control...

God.

[Nonconformistlaw]

My parents lied and told me I was going to go talk to someone...I think I understood that to mean some sort of counselor. Then the shock and disbelief started right away...

First two teenage girls asked a whole bunch of questions. I felt no need to lie cause I hadnt done anything that they repeatedly asked about. Then came the barrage of accusations that I was lying. I know I was stripped searched but I dont remember anything but the staff member who was in the room and my extreme embarrassment.

I dont know which was worse for me, the shock when I was first led into group or the fact that no one beleived me (that I really hadnt done drugs).

I couldnt believe my parents put my in a place so aweful. My dad didnt believe in me. It was obvious that my stepmonster successfully finally got me out of her hair. But I was so caught off guard and shocked that I didnt even feel angry...I was entirely too frightened and confused to feel any rage.

I felt like I was just having a horrible nightmare....and kept praying I would wake up and Straight woud be gone.

[starry-eyed pirate]

Yes...I know...and my pain is yours beautiful girl.

[starry-eyed pirate]

Anyway.... I was shocked at the sickest shit I ever heard.

[Nonconformistlaw]

On 2005-12-11 19:39:00, starry-eyed pirate wrote:

"Anyway.... I was shocked at the sickest shit I ever heard."

What was it?

[starry-eyed pirate]

I was a "new-comer" or so it was explained.  

Those idiots had no idea who I was...I listened that night as 2 other new-comers who had already learned some of the ropes described some of the sickest past incidents I ever heard. As we(3 newcomers and 2 oldcomers) sat in the darkness of the alarmed in newcomer room, the one cat described putting a handle of a screw driver up- his ass and how he got off on it.  I'm sorry but that shit freaked me out. I was not even close to bein' aware of that kind of shit then and could hardly beleive my ears.  I couldn't believe that this cat actually did that to himself, and on top of that here he was telling us(3 newcomers and 2 oldcomers) about it in detail.  That was crazy, and I began to really wonder where I was.  If I heard that kind of a story from someone today I would think they were a mental case of some kind, ya know ??  I mean that's your own personal sexual history man.  Keep it to yourself.  I don't want ta hear nothin' about it.  So the cat went into his pathetic past incident story while I and ever'one else in the alarmed room listened in horror to this muther-fuckers' confession  :scared: ... [ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-12-12 10:50 ]

[starry-eyed pirate]

Needless to say...but I will anyway... I was seriously in doubt as to whether I was capable of dealin' with the situation the muther-fuckers who had rights over me had put me in...

I am listenin' to some righteous music right now, otherwise I'm not sure I could go on....

[Nonconformistlaw]

On 2005-12-11 19:47:00, starry-eyed pirate wrote:

"I was a "new-comer" or so it was explained.  

Those idiots had no idea who I was...I listened that night as 2 other new-comers who had already learned some of the ropes described the sickest past incidents I ever heard.  The one cat described putting a handle of a screw driver up- his ass and how he got off on it.  I'm sorry but that shyit freaked me out. I was not even close to bein' aware of that kind of shit then and to tell you the truth if I heard that now I would run the other way.  So the cat went into his pathetic past incident story while I and ever'one else in the alarmed room listened in horror to this muther-fuckers' confession of sickness... "

I dont know if it was day one when I first started hearing stuff like that, but when I did, I also heared some pretty sick stories about things kids had done in their past. I had never heard anything like it, nor even knew such things were possible. Hearing those stories were not only extremely shocking to me, but it also made me feel very out of place and like I had just been dropped into the freakiest place on the planet....

[Anonymous]

O.K., where was I ??

Nevermind I know the truth all too well...

I was awake all night in that strange and unfamilliar room. God damn them muther-fuckers... I feel like I will kill yet.

...

So finally mornin' broke and I knew I was in serious trouble, knew I had been the victim of sick and insecure adults, who obviously feared the truth and feared me too. My host-parents had explained to me the night before, when I had asked to use their phone to call my girlfriend, to let her know where I was and what was goin' on(wow...I haven't felt this in so long) that I could not read the newspaper or watch t.v. or listen to the radio or call my girl. I was cut off from the world.

I remember that mornin'...how the Sun had never shone so bright before...

[Anonymous]

Despite the shock I pulled myself tagether, stood my ground, emotionally and psychologically and prepared to run.

My heart was poundin' in my chest.

C'mon bitch, I will take you down.

 :skull:  :skull:  :skull:

[Anonymous]

I dont know if it was day one when I first started hearing stuff like that, but when I did, I also heared some pretty sick stories about things kids had done in their past. I had never heard anything like it, nor even knew such things were possible. Hearing those stories were not only extremely shocking to me, but it also made me feel very out of place and like I had just been dropped into the freakiest place on the planet....

I had been into what was considered to be some "sick shit" before going into the program, but the thing that got me about all of this was the fact that here were all of these weirdos sitting around talking about it with each other, and then saying how they felt sooo fucking ashamed, etc. about stuff that they did...and the whole time I was just thinking no bfd.. :lol:

[starry-eyed pirate]

So there I was with my shoes(which had been left in the locked garage over-night) on my feet and my clothes on my back.  My old-comer had me by the beltloop and was escorting me to the car for the ride into the building.  As soon as I cleared the darkness of the inside of the garage and could feel the sun on me I broke like I had never broke before.  Like never before, never having felt that kind of oppression before.

My oldcomer was taken completely  by surprise, for some reason I could never fathom. I mean I don't know why he wasn't expecting me to run.  Anyone with any sense would.

I never tried to knock his hand off my beltloop(really the entire back of my jeans).  I never bothered with that cumbersome manuever in any of my first phase escapes or escape attempts but relied on the element of surprise and a commitmment to the initial bolt.  I was used to inflicting the element of surprise because I was athletic and had dealt with so many who were naive in the past, and can still surprise naive and cocky muther-fuckers to this day.

But anyway...[ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-12-12 11:46 ][ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-12-12 11:48 ]

[starry-eyed pirate]

...yeah...not to be overly-flirtatious or nothin' but...

I remember lookin' back and seein' my oldcomer, whose name I really don't remember, but I've been told his name was somethin' Riley, layin' on the ground with the sleeve of my baja clutched in his hand, which he had ripped off when I ran ...I remember how I turned my head to look at him and our eyes met as I flew.

I ran.  And if you know what it means to run, I mean really run for all you're worth then you know what I mean.

I ran as fast as I could,
Ran across a freshly plowed field, which was my mistake.  It slowed me down, and caused me to work harder than I otherwise would have if I'd stayed on the packed earth, much like the covered swimming pool, I ran across on my 64th day of first phase...only when I hit that pool it was so dark I couldn't see, and that night I actually got away.

The earth that I ran across was soft and not good for runnin' on...it was like runnin' on sand.  My 5th phase muther-fuckin' old-comer ran around the field(it wasn't all that big) and so made up ground.

I ran as long as I could but the muther-fucker just kept commin' after me.  I couldn't believe that ever' time I looked back to see where he was he was still commin' after me.  I was a big pot smoker and though I was athletic I was feelin' about kicked.  I was really suckin' wind, my head was poundin'.  I could hardly breathe.  

Finally I felt sick and nauseous, and came into a slow trot as my oldcomer in pursuit yelled threats at me, from about 30' back.  We were both walkin' by then. Neither of us had the strength to continue to run. I fell onto the ground.  I laid on my back and tried to breathe.  My oldcomer caught up to me some way into the woods, near the crest of a small hill.  I can still remember the scene.  I thought I was tough and would live to run another day(which I did)...  The cat sat on top of me and  tol' me he should kick my ass.[ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-12-12 12:06 ][ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-12-12 13:39 ][ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-12-12 13:41 ]

[Nonconformistlaw]

I never had the nerve to try to run but I can imagine...then what happened?