Straight is it, the freest place we\'ve ever found

[Anonymous]

I was in Straight in the 80's and staff as well. I googled myself and came up with this column ,with I thought was interesting. Been some time since I have pondered ole' 5515 Backlick Rd and the sound your host families' tires used to make went they hit the gravel and woke you up to the realization that in less than 2 minutes you will be stuffed with 43 other rank, farting straightlings in a small room holding only your shitty lunch of one fruit and whatever your host family's dog didn't eat the night before . I have found the way I view some things is different from others because of my experiences at straight(i.e. what do you mean you got laid at the prom? what's a prom?) but overall I say I am okay with what happened and how things have turned out. I still have many friends from Straight that I see and interact with all the time, although none that I know are still "straight" and i cant remember the last time it even came up in conversation, including some of the mentionables in this column. While I am not casting any bad karma at all to anybody who did not complete the program, I certainly think that the psychological effects of not doing so have been very damaging to some of these people. Having been a staff member, I do not feel i owe anybody an apology, but would love to hear more from people about life experiences that they feel are outside of the norm due to the common time we shared together at "the warehouse". We should all get together for beers and ping pong regularly.

[Carmel]

I can see you have a narrow perspective due to your own experience, but perhaps you should take some time to really read some others postings about what they saw/experienced.  You might change your tune about people who "completed" the program.  There are many here who were graduates/staff and struggle with what they saw/did.

I am personally not at odds with the idea that I did not complete a program that was corrupt and dishonset to begin with.  I tend to view it as that much less of a mind fuck as opposed to those who bought in hook line and sinker.  You will find alot of people who feel the same here.

I hope you do take the opportunity to research the information here and understand more of what this is all about.  You arent required to discount your own viewpoint on it, its only that given the severity of the programs we were in....its next to impossible to deny that what was done to so many of us wasnt just plain sick and wrong.

Good luck!

[dragonfly]

[Anonymous]

I respect your feelings and point of view. When i was talking about non-completion of the program i was talking about it in a realistic sense, it is what it is. I do not think i am better or worse than anybody who was there, than or now. I agree that there were a ton of wrong things. I just think that i was lucky to have not been mentally affected to the degree some others have felt, and was wondering about some of the differences others have experienced with their lives and what types of these things they attribute to straight experiences. I was basically asking to learn from anyone that cared to share anything about themselves in an effort to better understand my own life and its connections to straight. That is neither pro nor con straight so please do not categorize me in any way. when were you there?

[Anonymous]

dragonfly? first name?

[Anonymous]

Dragonfly, i just read your dates and i am sure i would know you. hope the pennsylvania rivers were not too cold.

[Withdraw]

Then you know what they did to me, was completely un-justified! I'm not looking for any apology either. Just knowing you knew there were "somethings really wrong" and doing nothing to stop it, makes me sad for all of us. But hey! You had your own program to worry about.

[Anonymous]

i said i knew it was wrong now withdraw, understandably i was subject to the same thing you were than so i had not yet made that moral connection. now i seem to worry more about the future than the past, but seeing this site certainly made me curious about others' experiences. i am really trying to start a forum of discussion here and am not interested in blame of any kind. who out there reading this is still local? near washington dc? willing to say so?

[Nonconformistlaw]

Maybe this will shed some light on your question about how Straight effected some of us..........

I completed the program in 15 1/2 months, but I can tell you that that place really screwed me up.

First of all I could not cope with the real world at all after I 7 stepped. I felt like a huge freak of nature, so I quickly spun out of control, headlong a 7 year long party, that included drug use for the first time in my life and other self destructive behavior.

I have always had the tendancy to be overly honest....to a very unhealthy degree since Straight. I also persecute myself/feel excessive guilt for the tiniest things I do wrong. In addition I always react extremely strongly when I am misunderstood even if in a small way. I cannot fight with people at all because at the first sign of confrontation, I freak out. I am paranoid about being imprisoned against my will for something I did not do. I have also had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Anxiety problems for the past 20 years (recently diagnosed) I am now in counseling to get therapy/recover from what I was subjected to in Straight. I also experience severe dissociative amnesia about my time in Straight. All of this is a direct result of my time in Straight.

I'm sure there are more ways that Straight harmed me, but this is what I can come up with off the top of my head. In a nutshell, I have serious Straight related unresoved issues and emotions.

[Anonymous]

What exactly went on in those intake rooms when a misbehaver or returned cop-out got taken in there to get yelled at? get "spit therapy"? more? Did you ever lie to children about being court-ordered? What was the training for restraining people? What were you, as staff, told to do, what was your job when people were getting restrained? What did you think of some of the more let's say strange things that went on, like putting someone in diapers or in a playpen or making them climb up and down a ladder? Have you ever been deprogrammed or gone to counseling or whatever, just gone through thinking about things, to deal with Straight? Have you looked into the brainwashing/thought reform thing? Did you have clues back then? Did you go to things like fundraisers & raffles? Please tell us more, you have a unique perspective. Did you feel intimidated by higher ranking staff? What rank were you? Did you interact with executive staff and if so what was that like? Were you intimidated to treat children in a way that you did not really agree with? Did you quit? If so, why? Call me curious, thanks in advance for any answers you would like to give.

[Anonymous]

I very much appreciated your reply, nonconformist law. I recognize many of these same behaviors in myself. I have many authority problems, and have at times related them to straight. I actually have used these to a business advantage at times, which has worked for me but i know has been unhealthy. By the way, i am not that computer friendly, which is probably why just hearing about some of the straight related stuff. any other web sites i should check out? will anybody say their name if they were in springfield from 11/84-11/87? i will if some others do first, being naive of this site and having already been pegged as pro straight, which i remain opinionless on at this time, i would like to see a few others "come out of the closet".

[Nonconformistlaw]

There is a ton of information here:

http://thestraights.com/index.htm

For the record, I havent pegged you as pro-straight yet....I havent formed an opinion about you yet since I havent read enough from you. But I will say that as long as someone is willing to acknowledge how bad straight was, I'm pretty willing to accept it if it didnt effect someone as badly as it did me. After all we are individuals that can react to the same thing differently. What I cannot deal with is a pro-straight person who spouts off "Straight saved my life" and "your just an angry druggie liar" shit like that.

By the way...I dont post where I was and when on the forum.

[Carmel]

I agree with you Anon, dwelling in the past is futile.  I dont do much of it when it comes to Straight, however if you want peoples experiences and point of view....you're going to get them, that includes people who have not been so fortunate to heal as quickly.

I dont think its fair to equate failure with not completing the program, "it is what it is" doesnt really cut it....there is a difference in finishing a 50 yard dash, and finishing a mind-controling, cultish rehab program.  

That being said, I was in Dallas Straight from Mar-90 Nov-90.  I ran away once I was on 3rd phase and in school.  I spent 31 days on the street waiting for the supposed statute of limitations on re-enrollment to expire so that when I went home my mom couldnt put me back in. I wasnt a drug addict when I went in, and have not become one since, however many drugs I have taken or drinks I have had.

As far as experiences other than abuse that was physical, emotional and verbal....I dont really have any opinions on what Straight did for me, other than teach me to survive in the darkest of circumstances.  

My life now is very fulfullied, I have family and comforts.  However, I do think that my childhood and family situation along with the incidence of Straight in my life may have delayed that achievement considerably.  Otherwise I am proud of how far I have come, no thanks to any of it....and thanks to all of it, in some ways.

If nothing else on this forum I have found someone who I can say "May I talk out?" or ""Have a seat!" to and have them really understand exactly what it is I am saying and all the implications.  It can be freeing.

You speak of what you experienced as if you were apart from it, and you may have chosen to separate yourself as such; however you are in a unique position as a former staff member to contribute to others understanding of why these horrible things were done to them.  Those of us who didnt "finish" for one reason or another could use some answers once in a while to facilitate our own reasoning for what went on.  Discussion is always welcome here, however you should be aware that you are going to get some chafing if you choose to discount others who have a little hostility.  Saying that Straight was the freest place ever found could understandably agitate someone who was held down in the dark, abused and beaten and torutured for days on end.  You can get that right?

[Anonymous]

Wow, that was a lot of questions for someone anonymous. I received sub-standard training in everthing you mentioned. part of the problem with how cop outs, mis behavers, and others was that there was no standard flow chart with how to deal with these issues. they were personally being driven by people unqualified....US. If you hated someone or it got personal than interaction was biased. I never did anything personally to anyone that i have feelings about but crunching people up was never my style. There wer some program counselors i had zero respect for, among them a Tim Kelleher. i think he was there around 87. and taking into account what someone else said, the reason i probably remember his name is that there was an incident i saw that i was uncomfortable with and di not speak up at the time. many others were there. it was not even as bad as some of the other things you have mentioned but thinking about it now makes me feel sad too.

[Anonymous]

carmel- i was just saying straight is it blah blah to make fun of the songs that we used to have to sing. it was the modified version of "coke is it" but straight is it. i thought it would be an eye getter but was only a reminder of the goofy songs.