No need to be suicidal..smoke weed..jerk off constantly/find someone to have sex with all the time..find something and go with it.
Youll die soon enough no need to rush it.
Have you tried opiates? Id suggest making an appt at a methadone clinic..then go get some Oxycontin or whatever and take them so youll be dirty for the initial UA..go on methadone maintenance, its done wonders for my depression/anger..keeps me at a nice even keel like no anti D's ever could..
Sure youll be physically hooked , but so what its cheap and you wont wanna die..
Methadone will numb you to everything.
Id say PM me if you wanna talk but advice never helped me out much and doubt it works for anyone else.