I would like to add my thoughts.
I chanted that for a long time: "My actions landed me in there".
They also got me raped, though I would never say that was something I endorse either. :smile: I believed for many years that I needed to be in some sort of "recovery" program. There I also heard that without that program I would be dead. My parents didn't know what to do with me, and the place ultimately saved my life.
Recently I have come to this:
Yes: my parents didn't know what to do with me. they couldn't handle the stress of my running away, twice coming home stoned and I think that was it. They blew the whole teenage thing out of proportion, in my opinion. I did however prove that I couldn't be trusted not to run away, sooo I suppose I was a threat to myself. My mother also was in denial about her mental problems and did not want to look at the fact that I might have the same thing going on, then she would have to acknowledge it.
I can also say that there is a good chance that worse things may have happenned to me had I stayed out on my own, however, that was my own fault. Since I had people to make decisions for me, my college money was spent: shouldn't I have gotten my money's worth?
We tried exactly one place before putting me in there. I have always felt it was more of a punishment than anything, no matter what they said.
My mother has since developed severe mental problems as well as chronic emphysema. She is a definate threat to herself and others I have had to become her guardian and figure out where to put her etc. I have had to make sure she had no car, hardly and money and is only out with nurses and folks who can supervise her.
She asked me: "Is this payback for Straight?"
My response was: "This would be a lot more painful for you if it were. You have the tv in your room, people take you out whenever you want" I listed some more things to her.
The point is, however, that I know it is pretty frieky when a loved one is out there running the streets. At the time you think they are dead,
I just wish they would have done some more research before putting me in there. That experience may have made me stronger in some ways, scrambled my head in regards to many others, made me doubt myself etc.
I do know, however that for some people the whole thing was worth it. That is a good thing. it is better than being pissed that thousands of $ went for that, not to mention over a year of my life.
