Soon after I was terminated/withdrawn,at 14yrs old .. I made the personal choice to go to AA for alot of reasons. I didn't fit in NA , because I just didnt have that much to talk about as far as drugs.. woopie my 3 times I smoked pot... So I choose to try AA. Remember I was 14 and fresh out of a 6.5 month first phase of sitting on my hands and being harshly restrained almost daily ..Brainwashed that all my old friends would kill me w/ DRUGS! So honestly I was afraid to hang out w/ people I knew from before Straight.. so I needed new friends ,so I went to AA.. all the time for years..I knew at 14, I couldn't make smart coices, Straight told me I was incapable..
I won't go into my thoughts on AA..Since it's highly controversial here, But I will say I believe it to be alot like Straight in the outside world. I had good times and bad.. was loved and abused by people from AA...so eh..w/e I knew the whole time I was going to meetings I wasn't an alcohlic , I just wanted someplace to hang out that my parents let me go, lol. So...
At age 20 or so, I also decided it was time to be like everyone around me, just plain normalish. I was married and my husband drank beer sometimes. One Bday party we had for him, I chose to have a few beers, after almost 7 yrs in AA and completely sober. It was ok, not extrordinary.I had no residual feelings at all. Severel months after occasional drinking seemed fine , I called my best friend from middle and HSchool and asked if she'd smoke w/ me.. That was ok too. None of it has every been a problem or caused an issue in my life .So now I drink and smoke on occasion (smoke more often than drink)
I'm in no way saying you should do it tho. I knew from the beginning it was never a problem for me. And as you stated in your post, Apparently at some point in your life it was a problem ? Or I misread that. So my situation may be very diffrent than yours. and in the end only you know what is true for you.
I will agree tho... from what I have seen, people don't have drug or alcohol problems, People have life problems... I was never powerless over anything but other people and redtape. But that's only my truth...