relationships

[dragonfly]

[Nonconformistlaw]

Dragonfly said-------"In Straight I gave up my autonomy, my total inner workings to the group and came to expect absolute honesty and support from the group."----------

What you said Dragonfly really hit me because this is precisely how I have behaved or functioned in all my failed relationships, even after Straight. I give up my freedom quickly, too quickly....translation, way to fast to commit....

At the same time I am disclosing all the intimate details of my life, long before I should I might add. You know, always must be 100% honest at all times....

And I completely expect the same thing in return absolute honesty, support, commitment, etc from the other person....

Naturally, these tendancies have scared off many....but when someone sticks around....every time it was because I was the perfect naive person to take advantage of, the perfect person to lie to....I attracted major losers because of this...fortunately I am not one to endure someones lies and betrayal for too long, so I bail out of relationships as quickly as I get into them....

Its the same scenario over and over...dont get me wrong...I definitely feel very responsible for the bad relationship situations I created for myself....but over the years I have never figured out how to beak that pattern......but until very recently I never made the connection between my relationship problems and Straight...but now its painfully obvious........

I dont know if this helps...I certainly dont have answers...and I dont know if this qualifies as insight, but for what its worth...I know what you mean about how Straight has really screwed some of us up in the relationship department.  ::rainbow::

[Nonconformistlaw]

Dragonfly said-----------?Is that a pre-straight tendency or caused by being torn open??----------------------

You know, about the pre-mature committer thing, I?m not sure if its because of Straight, pre-existing issues, or an awful combination of both. I think its hard to sort out come to think of it. I guess the only way to get a handle on that may be to take a good hard look at oneself before straight?.what issues caused problems before? Then?what issues existed after Straight?

To explain my thinking, for me?I know before straight I had never gotten over my parents divorce and had little contact with my mother after the divorce?.so I always thought (until a month ago) that my tendency to commit too quickly stemmed only from my emotional loss of my mother. I mean this on a subconscious level, at least when I was younger, because at that time it was not in the forefront of my mind. As I got older I figured that out about myself, and have tried to reign in that habit?but naturally have not found a way to break myself of it?

Now realizing that Straight is likely to be part of the equation, its very obvious Straight has cause at least some of my relationship problems, especially the tendency to be overly honest?and to have extremely high standards of how honest the other person has to be with me?.

Dragonfly also mentioned ----?creating healthy boundaries?-----My question still to this day is?How do you undo the damage, break the vicious unhealthy relationship cycle, and create healthy boundaries in the process?.I still feel like I am lying if I don?t reveal everything.

And I am way to sympathetic and understanding, so I cant reject someone (create a healthy boundary) just because they have issues? I actually feel like I should hang in their with them despite their problems. The was I see it, who doesn't have issues???

I mean after being in Straight?its really hard for me to be critical of men exhibiting issues that usually lead to trouble. Maybe Straight caused me to become a classic co-dependent?but on the other hand, I firmly believe in compassion and understanding and I absolutely refuse to fall into the destructive tough love mentality.

So, in a nutshell I have no clue how to have healthy boundaries, and I think Straight compounded my pre-existing issues and created new ones.
[ This Message was edited by: nonconformistlaw on 2005-09-02 13:16 ][ This Message was edited by: nonconformistlaw on 2005-09-02 13:16 ]

[Anonymous]

Straight taught me how to persecute myself by completely over-analysing myself and my motives and emotions and why everything failed because of me. Yay! [sarcastic]

Look, bitches, love or don't love. Some shithead won't love you because you're too this or too that, what the fuck ever, they weren't gonna love you anyways. EVERYONE is weird. Not just Straight Survivors. Get a clue, get a life, tell anyone who don't love you the way you are to fuck off and stay the fuck out of your face, asshole, etc. I'm serious. Quit doing this to yourselves. Jesus Christ it's like a fucking AA meeting.

[Nonconformistlaw]

Anon said ----"Straight taught me how to persecute myself by completely over-analysing myself and my motives and emotions and why everything failed because of me. Yay! [sarcastic]"-----

Granted to an extent, maybe I over-analyze...I dont like that Straight curse any more than you do....I definitely over analyze everything...and as a matter of fact...I'm probably doing it on this thread...

No, not an AA meeting....far from it actually...what you said is the equivalent of criticizing me for taking a look at myself, and trying to make sense out of things that are hitting me since very recently stumbling across the Straight forum...To me, gaining a better understanding is important so I can break a bad personal pattern....and if you see this thread as an AA meeting...as I recall no one is forced to stay, listen, and participate...

But hey...thanks anyway for bringing up the over-analyzing tendancy---yup that has sabotaged my relationships to....

[Anonymous]

Yes, I am criticizing you for taking a look at yourself. Tell you what, first you take a look at how your parents screwed you right the fuck over. Then take a look at how fifty-thousand children were screwed over by Straight, and nobody fucking else did a god damn thing. When you're done with that, and your mind is totally blown by how screwed this whole society is, how children could be tortured by depriving them of food and sleep, while mind control experiments were practiced on them at the expense of and yet at the request of their own parents, then, and only then, shall you be permitted to torture yourself in this way.

I was brainwashed, at the request of the U.S. Government and my parents. You're damn fucking right I'm crazy. But shit somebody tell me what the major papers in Cincinnati are, and we gonna put a full page ad in there exposing how Kids Helping Kids is practicing coercive persuasion/brainwashing. Find out how much it costs.

Oh, and by the way, KHK, before you sic your nazi thugs on me, i got a personal cia agent of my own and eight mean dogs. Motivate this: ::fuckoff::

[Nonconformistlaw]

Anon ----"Tell you what, first you take a look at how your parents screwed you right the fuck over. Then take a look at how fifty-thousand children were screwed over by Straight, and nobody fucking else did a god damn thing. When you're done with that, and your mind is totally blown by how screwed this whole society is, how children could be tortured by depriving them of food and sleep, while mind control experiments were practiced on them at the expense of and yet at the request of their own parents, then, and only then, shall you be permitted to torture yourself in this way."------

Ummm...been there done that...I was subjected to straight's mind control bullshit as much as you were....I've spent my entire life distraught and angry over every last word you said...so with all due respect...I think I have earned the right to "torture myself in this way."

Let me know when a Cincinnati ad is published....I cant wait to see KHK go down....and after that...I think all that were tortured in that fucking building should be legally entitled to burn it to the ground!