Have you applied your Serenity Prayer? I know it can be hard sometimes, especially when you're so scared. Here's a little relaxation exercise that always helps me to destress and think more clearly and optimistically when I need it. This works best when done in turns by several people with whom you feel comfortable and friendly, but it's pretty effective when you're alone too. If you have a few friends to help you arrange yourselves casually, comfortably in a rough ring. It's more important that you're facing roughly inward to the ring than that it resemble an even or well rounded circle.
First, light a candle and hold it in your non-dominant hand in front of your chest and about 6 inches from your face. With your dominant hand, put your thumb and index finger together, forming something like a non extended "OK" sign. Place your thumb and index finger against your lips while bringing the flame of the candle directly toward your mouth till it's about two and three quarters to three inches from your lips and inhale deeply. Move the candle back down to it's original position while moving your dominant hand, still positioned in that loose, relaxed "OK" postion, across your other arm and to the left. There's a mantra that goes with it, too, but you're not supposed to repeat it over and over like most mantras. Say this only while doing that last crossover move and keep holding as much of that breath for as long as you can. I'm not sure how to spell it exactly, but it kinda sounds like "eheer" spoken in a croaky voice so as not to let any more of that held breath escape than you can help and still make an audible sound.
If it's a group exercise then the person nearest to the left should stretch their dominant hand toward you, forming the same relaxed "OK" sign while you stretch your dominant hand toward them and you touch thumbs and forefingers together. The next in line may, if the urge compels them, reach out with their non-dominant hand. In that case you then pass the candle to your friend's extended non-dominant hand so that they can perform the same breathing and stretching exercise, with or without the candle as the spirit moves each of them. Repeat as many times as any or all participants are so inclined.
Hope this helps!
If you think you might need some treatment or just need to talk, there's always somebody at
SIBS ready to send out the SIBS-Mobile. :peace: