Author Topic: Making sure everyone reads this  (Read 1736 times)

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Offline funnygirl

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Making sure everyone reads this
« on: August 17, 2005, 11:40:00 PM »
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 Just wanted tell everyone that I went to the reunion and nither Colleen or anyone from that school has been in touch with me. When I received the invitation I was so excited and felt honored to be asked back. I couldn't wait to see all of my friends that I haven't seen in 10 years. All of my mentors who showed me the best they could the right directions. The "chain gang", the memories I have, the songs we sang, the compassion that we showed. When my mom and I drove down Guest Ranch Road for the first time in 10 yrs I felt so scared, nervous, excited. Remembering the last time I was their like it was yesterday. It being one of the most painful day I have ever had. It didn't matter that was in the past. I couldn't wait to see all of the faces of my friends. When I got out of the car I only saw a few that I recognized. I thought that maybe they will arrive later. I shortly realized that I was wrong. I began to feel the tears running down my face. What happened to everyone? Why aren't their more people here? I continued to ask myself this question all day. It was the first time I heard about Elizabeth M. I can't believe it. This broke my heart. I know that I cared about everyone that I shared a memory with, I feel it in my heart. Towards the end of the day I walked out to the Ski Cabin with my mom and it looked really run downed. The corral that was built was falling apart, the kitchen was missing boards. Everything that we built that intervention (you know what i am talking about if you were there) was falling apart. I then realized what a statement, what a metaphor.
I was not a "success" at MMS and it was the hardest thing I ever did. What I do know is that it was all of you that helped me make it through, made me smile and laugh when times where hard, made me feel safe to cry,be angry, and tell my most deepest secrets. I just wanted to tell you all that it would be really easy for me to bash on MMS but no one is perfect. I know I am not and I know that all of you aren't and weren't either, including MMS. I miss you all.

Love,
Cotter
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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Making sure everyone reads this
« Reply #1 on: August 18, 2005, 12:26:00 AM »
hi cotter i'm not sure if i know you, what years were you at MMS?  also, are u reffering to elizabeth- the girl we used to call 'lizard' or is that someone different?
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #2 on: August 18, 2005, 01:30:00 AM »
I went to MMS 95-97

Cotter
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline funnygirl

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« Reply #3 on: August 18, 2005, 01:59:00 AM »
Oh and yes I am talking about Lizard.

Liz and I were on our dad's retreat


Cotter
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Offline OverLordd

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« Reply #4 on: August 18, 2005, 09:14:00 AM »
hey funny girl, shoot some details out way. Why did you go back, was it to see friends? Who was there? What happened? Why did people not show up do you think? Why in the hell would people want to return to a prison to see friends... I mean come on, maybe if it was held else where.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
our walking down a hallway, you turn left, you turn right. BRICK WALL!

GAH!!!!

Yeah, hes a survivor.

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #5 on: August 18, 2005, 10:25:00 AM »
actually it was awsome to see everything.  and it wasn't prison.
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Offline katfish

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« Reply #6 on: August 18, 2005, 11:04:00 AM »
i though elizabeths last name began with a W?  OMG, is she who overdosed???  
was she from washington?  damn, that's really sad.[ This Message was edited by: katfish on 2005-08-18 08:21 ]
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.
Margaret Mead

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #7 on: August 18, 2005, 01:21:00 PM »
Isn't a "prison" a place where one is sent to be PUNISHED... where one is not FREE TO LEAVE... where one is often put on A CHAIN GANG... where one is often assigned ROCK MOVING DUTY....where one is SEXUALLY ABUSED BY STAFF....where the "WARDEN" is often more criminal than the IMMATES....

HEY: MMS sounds a lot like a "prison" to me.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #8 on: August 18, 2005, 03:48:00 PM »
WOW!!! Deep Breath Anon. Maybe you should find some one to talk to.
The staff sexual abuse is highly questionable.
Kat,....did i miss the whole Al thing???
Elizabeths last name started with a M and no she didn't live in washington. Shes no longer with us, LEAVE IT BE!!!!

"where one is often put on A CHAIN GANG"
Chain Gang was a name that we were called as a joke. and it stared in 94 which is probably a long time before you came so it wasn't personal...it just carried over.

"assigned ROCK MOVING DUTY.."
Try not to take these assignments personally...
cause those of us 94-97 had worse and we started them.....sorry..

Betsy

Cotter...good to see you on here"
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Offline funnygirl

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« Reply #9 on: August 18, 2005, 05:07:00 PM »
First thing Elizabeth last name did not start with a W. it was a M. I am not going to discuss any details of her out of respect for Liz and friends. People who know me and her are aware. No, I did not go back to just see my friends. I went back because I was invited to honor Gary in his retirement. For the last ten years I have wanted to go back and have closer. Last time I was there I was being expelled on graduation day. I was not looked at as a success at all. It has been a tough road but, I wanted to tell Gary and J&C that even though I did not successfully complete the program that I am a success of MMS. I made it. I see that the opinion of MMS is very different to certain people.
Yes-it was hard
Yes-In ways we could say "boot camp"
but the tough experiences in my life have made me a stronger person. I will not refer to MMS as "jail" because it was not a lock down, there were no bars. I wrote what I did to share my experience, to tell people that it was not just "favorites" that were invited. The references such as "chain gang" will only be understood by those who were there during that time.  

Cotter
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Offline katfish

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« Reply #10 on: August 18, 2005, 07:16:00 PM »
Yea, I knew elizabeth, that's very sad news.  She must have been there a long time b/c i thought she got there around time time i did, early '93.  We weren't close, but, speaking from what I sensed from her, MMS was maybe not the best place for her to get the help she needed as I spoke to her a few times after we had left.
Also, more than a few people know the details of her untimely passing as it was posted on myspace.com alumni forum.  
and yea, they invited everyone to the reunion,  i was invited so...nuff said there.

Anyway, never met u cotter, but glad to hear you are doing well.  

Oh, one more thing, I wouldn't call MMS a prison either, but only b/c prisoners have more rights that we did- namely, due process.  I never saw leaving MMS as  truly a feasible option, esp because i was reminded constantly that it was the place I needed to be (despite the fact that i never received the help i needed).  No bars is very convinient point, but when you fear leaving more than staying, no bars are necessary. That, of course, does not mean that you are free to leave.  I wonder, how many you other girls felt you were free to leave MMS??
For me, I knew I needed help and, given the constant reminder that MMS was the last place that could offer me the help I so desperately needed and the guilt I felt over being such a bad (that is, depressed) kid along with the fear my parents and i would never have a good relationship, I followed the rules.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.
Margaret Mead

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #11 on: August 19, 2005, 12:30:00 AM »
Hey Kat,
Don't think you knew Elizabeth...might be thinking of another one.
She came after I came...in around late 94-early 95...Sorry....
wrong name...Actually i understand how you can confuse them cause at that time, if i remember correctly, people were coming and going as quickly as you could turn around. Member the 94 graduation and the run aways...hehe, funny to look back on.
B
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »