just found site straightruined me in michigan

[Anonymous]

reading stuff opn web has brought back memories of what occurred.  I was 13 when put in plymouth mi in october of 1987, a lot of people from cincy were there as cincy had just closed or was in process.

i have such similar life experiences to so many of you including suicide attempts (several) eventual actual drug addiction even though i was not addicted or a druggie when entering program.  a general fear of people, anxiety disorder, sever social anxiety (just now corelated my fear of large groups to the marathon group therapies where anyone could be called upon)broken family.  mental problems since.

just recently told my husband the bare minimum about this past.  how do i show him it was not just some hospital without being too dramatic or scaring him off from more info..  I think it will explain to him my problems dealing socially with trusting people and self esteem that was stomped on as staff said i would become nothing but a prostitute and whore if i left...

i have not seen the old warehouse since and wonder what is there now, i want to see a pic of the days, i need it to jog these memories, of the rows and rows of chairs and us wildly flinging our arms into air snapping fingers...  of the psychiatrist i saw once who said i should go home as i did not have a problem other than needing family therapy (initial intake was 3-4 weeks and that one time was only time i saw him and of course his opinion carried no weight) of the fact that they planned to send me home and send mom letter to tell her but i didnt know that so i gave up and admitted i was addict (to get priviliges) so all of a sudden they said to mom well we think she does now.  if i had held on for a few days more they would have let me go home, but i was heavily confronted in those last days, i remember the warehouse and the coat closet that was like a huge hallway i want to die a lot of times for i think i am loser...  

i tried and came very close to succeeding in suicide, thinking i was nothing but druggie who was ruining my familys lives.  they destroyed my heart.... :cry:

[webcrawler]

KG is that you? This is Christine. Please check my profile and send me an email or private message. If this isn't her, I would still like to hear from you whoever you are since we were there together. I think there were only 2 13 year olds that stayed for awhile.

[Anonymous]

i hear ya michigan girl. i carry many a wicked scar from my days in the springfield program.  i spent years just bein' a drunken idiot 'cause i was just in so much pain i didn't know how or where to begin to try to heal.  i found it impossible to relate to the outside world and i still have trouble even now. i'm glad that you somehow stumbled onto this forum. i think it helps alot to finally be able to talk about straight with people who don't need it explained to them, people who were actually there and lived thru it.
Yeah, it's real kinda tricky to try and explain to people who weren't in there what it was like and how all the repercussions of being held against your will in a brainwash institution in "the land of the free and the home of the brave" can effect you, especially during the formative years of adolescence.  Maybe it would help if you and your husband could read some of the more descriptive posts together, and then you could answer his questions and stuff. i don't know. Everyone's different 'n' all but i know that whenever i am in a serious relationship i want my woman to know who i am and where i've been. i want her to know the reasons for the way i am or how i see things, so i always end up trying to convey what happened with the whole straight thing 'n' all. They destroyed my heart too. Best of luck to you. peace

[starry-eyed pirate]

sorry, i guess i forgot to log in. That was me

[webcrawler]

I just emailed you back :smile:

So glad you found this place.

[Anonymous]

i guess i forget as it is such a long story, and my history of places i was locked up started with straight, i assumed i had told him why i ended up in permanent foster care and why parents gave me up and were forced by judge to pay for that foster care, but i hadnt.  i do not remember a lot of things, it all seems like a dream to me, like it never happened.  it didnt seem real..  i dont recall any individual therapy or any therapists, just long groups, in the huge warehouse, the coat closet was a long long long hallway closed off so we could stuff our coats there, i estimate there had to be close to 200 people there, girls and boys, my first host home was rochester...  my home in ann arbor with my single mother and my brother was available to other straightlings...  i just want to stop these people.

their approach was to tear down your esteem then build it the way they wanted it to be, but all they got to do was tear mine down.  they lied to my mom and she and i do not discuss it to this day.  she has apologized and knows it was wrong.  it is just too much pain for us to go through.

they got my father to bring me in too and he beat me up on way and i told them on intake that my father had just hit and punched me and had bruises on face, but they dismissed these and didnt report them.  i had no clue what drug rehab even was at the time, i had no clue what was going on, they took me straight into group where i was sat down and started crying but had to do it quietly.  i was confused, but would soon learn how to not get confronted and work the program, got to school and then my friends saved me and kept saving me each time i ran...

i want them to stop, how can they still be doing this???

[Anonymous]

evil triumphs when good people do nothing. --abraham lincoln, i think