If you went to a program, do you still have a relationship w

[Anonymous]

And how did it effect the relationship afterword.

My answer is: I don't. And I doubt I ever will. Not just the program.. but the whole shabang.

Just curious.

[Anonymous]

no relationship with my parents since the program.  they will not admit that putting me there was wrong, and i will never agree that they were right.  in fact, i cannot stop feeling betrayed and rejected by them, over 20 years ago.  why should i pretend?  they are too proud and self-righteous to admit that they were abusive and easily deceived by the program staff.

[Anonymous]

Very limited.  They help pay for college, and we never have any deeper chats than "how are the dogs?  did any mail come for me?".  As far as I'm concerned, after putting me through 2 1/2 years of bullshit which could have been easily alivated by a decent therapist and some help for my audio-sequensing disorder, they can bankroll me through college.  If they are stupid enough to pay for some crackpot to keep me locked up, they're stupid enough to pay for my beer and cigarettes.

They took my childhood by dumping me at random boarding schools from age 13 - 17 because my father is a shity parent and verbally abusive to both my mother and I, so I feel no remorse in taking his money with only a smile and a fake "thank you".

[webcrawler]

I do w/ my mom, but that has taken a lot of time to happen. We fought all the time after I left the program. Once I had kids things started to get better between us.

My father stopped speaking to me when I was 14 right before I was sent away for the last time. I was not allowed in his house until I was 19. Our visits and conversations were sporadic. When I did hear from him it was because he wanted to tell me how miserable he was about getting a divorce from his wife and how he wanted to cut her body up and place her in trash bags.

Once again my father is no longer speaking to me as of 2 1/2 years ago. I finally got the courage to confront him about being abusive and he denied it all. He said I was no longer his daughter.

Then he started to tell me what a drugged out spoiled bitch I was and bad mouthing my mother for having her life together. Funny all this transpired because my father is a miserable drug addict. He once kicked drugs for a couple of years and became a holy roller (but was still miserable) and now he's back to using drugs and considers me the one to have the "drug problem". Yet, I'm not the one who has OD'd twice off heroin.

[Anonymous]

Thats a big NO!!!!!

[Anonymous]

sometimes it feels like I'm just waiting for my parents to die.  It's funny, I could never just drop them- move to another state, yes- but I could never just drop them the way they betrayed me and cut all contact while I rotted in a cell in a lockdown in a desert.  I've brought up the situation and it's always the same  "how were we to know?"  "we had to do =something="  "just couldn't LIVE with you anymore"  "we were DESPERATE"  
I'm like- have you no shame?
Then they go on to say it was up to me to work the program, as though lockdowns have always existed and far be it for me to go against the way things have always been.  They say I have no idea how bad they had it-  in the sixties, when the majority of the population was their age, and their parents (my grandparents) were trying to give them a better life than their own post depression era childhood.  it's like it was cool and groovy when my parents took acid and built beer pyramids and smoked huge reefers and tripped out to some kid dripping food coloring onto a projector screen, but far be it for me to do a little speed in my room so I could study.  Typical- parents divorced, mom went crazy, dad got introverted and vengeful, then they both came for me.  So now, that I'm an adult and they're still around, I just try to stomach the continuous disgust I feel when I'm around them, and I smile and talk about my sucesses and act like nothing's wrong every time I see my parents.  It's like I wish I could cut them off completely, but I know that when they die I'll regret it, so I'm just sucking up the bullshit.  at least I rarely see them, that thing about absense and the heart or something...

[Perrigaud]

Dang! I have a wonderful with my parents. The way I view it, they are my family. They wanted to so what was best. They messed up but who doesn't? I see no point in holding it against them. I did some equally messed up things to them. We don't talk about the program because we both know there's no use to. I am over it and they as well. No use in holding grudges over what they did as well as what I did.

[Anonymous]

They aren't your family if they toss you to the wolves.  FAMILY doesn't work like that, cowards do.

[Nihilanthic]

Perri's case is unlike most. They werent looking for a quick fix or a dump. They DID use it as a last resort, but people just get sucked in and tricked sometimes. Her parents are people and... got tricked as someone will be inevitably.

Also, IIRC they kept in contact and werent ditching her by it - but I'd rather her answer for herself than me repeat what she said previously.

Life is like a bird, at any given moment it is droping a load. It is only a matter of time before one eventually find you.

http://fornits.com/about_us.htm' target='_new'>SysAdmin

[Anonymous]

Do I have contact with my parents?

My mother. And not much contact. I moved to a different country, and we talk on the phone once a month or two. We've tried speaking about the past. She's tried apologising. I can't forgive her for a lot of things, but growing older I look back on it with a differing perspective.

Surviving was hard. Sometimes living with the survival is harder still. A lot of anger that has no place to go but remain inside smouldering away.

Life is cruel, I was never told it would be easy. So now I try to keep as good a relationship with my mother as I can. the past is the past, it can't be changed. We just continue on. I live the best life I can. The ultimate revenge.

Anonymous.

[bandit1978]

Yeah, I have relationships with my parents.  

When I first left PCS, it was hard cause I had severe PTSD (nightmares, crying-spells, anxiety), and I didn't understand why.  I went to boarding school for a year, then returned home for 12th grade.  Then I started smoking lots of pot (like every day) and staying out all night at clubs and stopped going to school.  (I did graduate on time, by home-school for the 2 classes I needed to graduate).  

My father divorced my mom, and suddenly by mom decided that what I had been doing wasn't so bad, that my father was the bad one cause he was going to leave her (and, according to Mom, my sister and brother and I also) penniless.  In short, they had a nasty divorce, and now, being the oldest, I was the shoulder to cry on.

Around age 19, I began to understand what my symptoms and PTSD were about, and I was able to recognize abuse and know that I did not deserve to go there.  My mother also saw the PTSD, and realized herself that she had been fooled (well, she doesn't blame PCS, she blames herself for not investigating the place and not recognizing the signs that I was being abused there).  So my mother has apologized many times, and knows that it did me so much more harm than good.  

My father, however, refuses to discuss it.  He does not want to admit that he made such a huge error.  I suppose I'm not totally bothered by this, because really my mother made the call to send me there, he just went along with it, cause he was working all the time and didn't want to hear my mother's bitching.  

Anyway, my mother and I are pretty close, and I do have a relationship with my father (probably my relationship with him would not be any different if he had not let me be shipped off to the God-foresaken state of Utah- he would still be distant as ever)- my father and I talk on the phone and have dinner when he's in town.  

Things are okay with them because my mother acknowledges this huge mistake, and because my father doesn't talk about it.  

No one in my family was ever perfect- we were all dysfunctional- just back then I took the brunt end of it.

 But through all the physical and emotional abuse inflicted by my parents throughout my childhood, the absolute worst thing that they ever did was keep me at Provo Canyon School.

[Anonymous]

I really have always had a realtionship w/my parents. My Mom and I have discussed at great lengths about the program. She has apologized, and we are both oever it. No need to dwell on the horror. But my dad is a different story. Even when I do tell my dad about what happened and is still happening, its like Im talking to a stranger. I suppose thats how its has always been. I suppose thats why I was so depressed in the first place. My step mom is an evil bitch and I am not even concerned about a realtionship w/her. Shes alot of the reason I was miserable as a teen and was sent away. Funny how that works. If only I could have been honest in therapy and told my mom about the abuse and about how my shitty feelings were all about her, perhaps I would never have gone. Alas, I was too afraid and suffered greatly for that. Well Im rambling. I guess Id say yes, in a way.

[Troll Control]

No.

[Anonymous]

no, not even when they were still alive, other than occasional calls around holidays where we would talk about the weather.

[Anonymous]

Well I am glad I am not the only one. It's been so many years now without contact, I finally had to admit to myself I enjoy my life better without contact with my family. Every once in a while I will have a dream in which I meet them. It's a strange feeling.

Sometimes I think I will feel more comfortable in general, less fearful, when my father is dead. I don't know if that makes sense, but just knowing that he knows where I live makes me nervous. I don't mean to be morbid or cruel, I am neither.