I think RMA did me more harm than good, in fact I can't really think about any good it did me, other than the friendships I had with other kids when I was there (which I have lost touch of). I never wanted to hurt myself before I was sent there. Afterwards, I wanted to do anything I could to hurt myself. I stayed with my best friend one night after I got out, she said she was so worried for me, that I was so fearful and angry, more than she had ever seen me. I did way worse drugs after than before. My mother never believed me about my experience there. She thought I was being 'manipulative'. RMA claims to help kids with their family relationships, and that is such BS, because they manipulate the family at home to not believe anything the kid says. I was coerced to cop out to things I never did. I wasn't particularly angry before hand. When they'd scream and scream at me, I'd say 'why are you screaming at me? why can't you talk to me rationally?' and that would make them scream more, like something was wrong with me because I wanted to talk rationally. I was ridiculed for my intelligence. I was forced to keep silent in the joke they pass off as academic classes because I knew all the answers. They forbid me to partake in a meaningful way in classroom discussions. During RMA, I started having terrible back and knee problems. They refused me medical attention for a long time, saying I was using it to get out of wood coral. My dad threatened to sue them if they didn't send me to a doctor (he was totally opposed to me being there, and did everything he could to get me out). I had knee surgery two years after I got out, after years of extensive physical therapy. I have chronic back problems to this day. I think the most abusive thing they do to kids is scream at them, say terrible, extremely hurtful things, then smush with them afterwards like that is what healthy relationships are like. They take kids in such a formative time in their lives, when we are supposed to learn how to trust and come to know ourselves, and totally F*&% up our ideas about what a healthy relationship is. A healthy relationship does not entail screaming and running your shit at the other person. Ever tried doing that? HA! Good luck.
I am thankful to my sense of spirituality and intelligence to be a guiding light for me. Through school and spiritual practice (Buddhism, Taoism, and Earth-based spirituality), I came to know myself in a way that was meaningful and true. I came to peace and understanding of myself and others. That journey has been very trying, painful, beautiful, sad. I think I got lucky, though. Because I am the kind of person that would not let a place like RMA be the end of me, I blocked out my experience so I could move forward. I feel like, now, I still have to heal from the abuse I suffered there, but I feel so capable of doing that now. I'm in a great spot in life, balanced, centered, full. I know who I am and where I am going. I have great friendships and relationships with my family. Not to say those aren't challenged in many ways, but I feel confident in my ability to maintain good connections.
All in all, I'm doing well now, but that has been after conscious and deliberate effort to come to terms with my experience at RMA.
LL
