for me, it was my self-esteem and lack of identity... and i could definately go into the psychology of it all, i was adopted, i have abandonment issues, yada yada yada, but the reality of the situation is this... there are a lot of people who have the same issues we all did... there are a lot of people who grew up with shitty parents or abusive parents or didn't have an identity, or this that or the other... everyone has a story... fact remains, not everyone ended up in elan, and not everyone coped the way we coped... therefore, the blame lies solely within ourselves... we didnt cope, we tried to look for the easy way out whether it was sleeping around, drugs, quitting on everything, giving up on ourselves, not wanting to compete, not wanting to work hard for the things we wanted, not wanting to work hard to live up to expectations, etc... we quit, we took the easy way out, and we got what we deserved... or let me rephrase that... we put ourselves in the situations we were in... not our circumstances, not our parents, us...