Rudy

[Troll Control]

Rubin's website provides an email link.  I would suggest that you send along some facts about your dealings with RB to let them know just exactly who they are employing...

[Anonymous]

Do you remember shannon collins? she had a twin sister at rma? were you there when she was? just wondering??

[Son Of Serbia]

I remember Shannon Collins, she was a few peer groups above me, what about her?

[busted]

I knew Shannon Collins! why did she get kicked out of cedu right b/f graduation?

[LS]

Maybe I was one of the "favored", it's possible. I actually saw Rudy go head to head with Jill since she liked to use me as her own "emotional punching bag" in raps, on the floor, wherever she could.




Yeah, I'd say you were one of his favorites. He liked smaller girls, with nice assetts. Christ there were some good looking girls there.

Strange that 40 year old men felt so liberated as to curl up on the floor with all of them. Strange place.

That was one of the particular dynamics of the place - that subverted sexuality. No sex, but so much contact. So much intimacy, but all based around shame and debasement (telling the horrors of your life over and over).

Strange, and I think debilitating.

I'd be interested to hear the various points of view on the subject.

[LS]

Was it okay for Rudy to explicitly describe the things he described to young kids?  



Rudy was a pedophilic wierdo and I would never ever want him anywhere around my kids.

I'd go with that.

Hey, I killed a man when I was drunk. Want to watch me slap my dog on the head while I call if a fucking moron? How about I stare at you out of my skeleton face for awhile and repeat lines from Desiderata in slow motion, while the acid and alcohol poisoning/jones wears on and off?

How about I put you in a corner and scream at you, promising you that you'll end up a dead junkie prison bitch whore, and then have you dig a hole for 18 hours?

Awesome! Thanks dude! Hero to millions.

Throw 'im in the shark tank.

Fucking crackpot child abuser.

In my experience, and opinion, that is.

[Son Of Serbia]

LS,

Your opinion of Rudy Bentz is right on the money.  He's a murderer, pedophile, sociopath, and an absolute monster.  He deserves to
be shot in thefucking head, if for no other reason than the fact that he recklessly took another mans life and never paid for his crime.  Of course we all know that this is just the start of a lifetime of crimes Rudy has committed against his fellow man.  

I do believe in God, and I firmly believe that one day Rudy
Bentz will answer for the evils he has done, if not in this world, then
certainly in the next.  

Burn in Hell Rudy, you sick fucking freak!

[gabriellegg]

I know we all walked away with resentment, pain and a constant fear or getting our asses handed to us on a daily basis.

I know Rudy was no saint and I feel, really I do for people he "had it out for".

I just think there were other staff members who made Rudy look tame.
Again, just my opinion.

But after all i said and done and now that so many years have gone by I just had to let it go. It was what it was. I am still very close to some of my old CEDU friends Shannon K for example and we talk about it sometimes but it had now faded into the ancient history I always wished it could be.

The school and those who preached it's message are sick, money hungry parasites. They fed off of kids who needed some real help and charged the parents insane amounts of money for beating the kids into submission.

I look back now and see there were things that I went through that were good, not just good but some of them life altering but it came from my peers and not the staff it came from the comraderie that is created when one feels hopeless and desperate. We banded together and created these bonds as one would do in a concentration camp...because we were so fucking terrified we needed each other.

[try another castle]

I know we all walked away with resentment, pain and a constant fear or getting our asses handed to us on a daily basis.

I know Rudy was no saint and I feel, really I do for people he "had it out for".

I just think there were other staff members who made Rudy look tame.
Again, just my opinion.

But after all i said and done and now that so many years have gone by I just had to let it go. It was what it was. I am still very close to some of my old CEDU friends Shannon K for example and we talk about it sometimes but it had now faded into the ancient history I always wished it could be.

The school and those who preached it's message are sick, money hungry parasites. They fed off of kids who needed some real help and charged the parents insane amounts of money for beating the kids into submission.

I look back now and see there were things that I went through that were good, not just good but some of them life altering but it came from my peers and not the staff it came from the comraderie that is created when one feels hopeless and desperate. We banded together and created these bonds as one would do in a concentration camp...because we were so fucking terrified we needed each other.

Well said.

I just think there were other staff members who made Rudy look tame.

Yeah, did you ever meet Caroline or Sharon Kreider? (Rea's wife.) Holy crapolie. In a lot of ways, I think Sharon was worse, because she could be so nice and seemingly gentle, and then tear off her face and say the most brutal, cut-to-the-quick things to you in a rap. Caroline was like getting hit with a 2X4. Sharon was like getting cut open with a razor.

Needless to say, I was absolutely crazy about her. I'd like to blame it on stockholm syndrome, but I think it also has to do with the fact that I am a dirty bastard.

comraderie that is created when one feels hopeless and desperate.

Cool. I wasn't so lucky in that regard. Didn't have too many friends at RMA, and those that I had, I didn't trust... ever, cause they could rat on you in a minute or humiliate you in a rap, and you'd do the same to them. That place fostered the most fucked up concepts of friendship, ever.

[dishdutyfugitive]

crazy about sharon kreider?

in a platonic mentor sense? or a crush? or both?

[try another castle]

crazy about sharon kreider?

in a platonic mentor sense? or a crush? or both?

I would say both, but I never would have admitted it to myself at the time.

She *did*, after all, take my pants away... and call me a junkie. For me, that's fuckin foreplay. hehe.


Obviously, the reverence and lust are no longer present.

[Rugby Punk]

I know we all walked away with resentment, pain and a constant fear or getting our asses handed to us on a daily basis.

I know Rudy was no saint and I feel, really I do for people he "had it out for".

I just think there were other staff members who made Rudy look tame.
Again, just my opinion.

Gabrielle, good to see you back posting after so long. I remember you right before you graduated.
I think that Rudy had some respect for you which he tended to give out grudgingly and selfishly to a few individuals.
I think that during your time there, there were other terrors like Lori Saunders that overshadowed Rudy in outrageousness (sp?)
They needed to leave in order for Rudy to fill that power vacuum. That's when he really turned on and revved up the freak machine.

[Anonymous]

Basically, the therapeutic, growth and academic aspects of the program were a complete and utter sham.  And it was an arena where bullies, histrionics, and mind fuckery thrived. All staff facilitated this... they simply varied by extreme. Rudy was actually, quite nice to me... I'd like to say he knew I wasn't full of bullshit (Pam Abell also seemed to understand this), but maybe they were good cops because I wasn't in their family. What I recognize about Rudy and Pam was they fully drank and dispensed the Kool Aid, and seemed quite capable of exploiting their powers as CEDU mini gurus as they saw fit--Mel being the lionized but absent idol. (I did feel there were Cult of Personality aspects of this program.)

Of course, it is the staff we, as individuals, felt most exploited by that we detest most in memory.  We couldn't help but cling to the staff who gave us understanding regardless of their status at CEDU.  Rudy and Pam always treated me favorable, whether I was on table time or not, and seemed to understand I wasn't full of crap. Even after I split the first time, Pam made it clear there wouldn't be a lynching before we went to rap.  (And I know she is capable!) Rudy, too, seemed to sense this. I also never felt he was inappropriate to me. Sometimes, I think Rudy actually had a good bullshit detector, unlike some of the other staff.  But at the same time, I know he terrorized others... and I was just grateful to escape his wrath.

For me, it was Laurie Saunders.  While I hated the program systemically, because the whole fucking thing is rooted in Emotional Regression rather than Growth, I especially hated staff who came up with their own hackneyed ideas of you not rooted in reality, and forced you to adopt that personal schema.   In her raps and propheets, I was continually called to the carpet for things that NEVER happened. Also, she couldn't tell the fucking difference between someone who was deaf and someone who didn't listen!   I had to sit there and listen to her ream me for a back story that my parents never gave her (because it never happened) and not be able to defend myself.  Also, Jim Johnson lied to me repeatedly, lied to my parents, and also contrived his own idea of my back story--all bullshit-- mainly because he was projecting his own crap onto me. (Still I don't hate him as much as I have no respect for him.) That is what I hated most--the staff there were all working out their own pathos on us, and couldn't even tell the freaking difference between their own bullshit and ours.'  No wonder many of us came out of CEDU even more confused and muddled than when we came in.

Gabby--I was there with you, but split.  I always wondered about people in our peer group 'cause I wasn't allowed to contact you guys after I left. Do you ever see any of them?

Also, I'm interested in your perspective on staff. Whatever happened to Pam and Laurie?  

There is still a HUGE part of me that would love to run into various staff members as an adult and "share some thoughts" now that they have no power over me. It would feel like closure, and bring an enormous sense of empowerment.

[dishdutyfugitive]

Rugby Punk
What did you think of the RWC? I was rooting for S. Africa. Did you see that hit on Chabal in the last 20 minutes of the Bronze cup?

[try another castle]

We couldn't help but cling to the staff who gave us understanding regardless of their status at CEDU.

Not me, man. I gravitated towards two of the more heavyweight people there... Stacy and Sharon. You wouldn't believe some of the fucked up shit they said to me, yet I was all stockholm-syndrome on them.

Masochists are born, not made.