On 2005-11-10 19:23:00, Str8survivorVA wrote:
Beautiful son and loving husband I do not deserve.
"
No need to kick yourself around like that. I'm sure if you "didn't deserve them", you wouldn't have them. The fact that you have a beautiful son and a loving husband is an indication in and of itself that you are a person who is "good enough" to have or is "worthy" of them.
You have a right to be happy and to see yourself in a positive light. The fact that you recognizre that what Straight did to you was wrong may anger or sadden you----this is actually kind of healthy, in my opinion, because it is indicative of a spark of self-esteem, real self-esteem, not the bullshit they called self-esteem in Straight. Easier said than done, this stuff, but the fact that you are here now, getting some perspective on what happened, what was DONE TO YOU, (which in NO WAY WAS YOUR FAULT OR SOMETHING YOU DESERVED) shows that some part of your authenic self survived the indoctrination process. That is strength. Knowing this, "recovery" (top use a perfectly good word that's meaning has been hijacked by the Stepcult) from Straight IS POSSIBLE. It can be done, through a number of methods, some which may be more appropriate or comfortable for you and your situation. It may not be quick, and it may not be easy, but part of you survived that shit, and if you survived that, you can probably deal with most anything life will throw at you. Good luck.
This is a really sad example of how Straight destroyed fragile teenage self-esteem, telling us we were undeserving of anything good or pleasant because somehow we were flawed, we were "druggies" and this gave them the right to treat us like shit. Kinda flies in the face of their "disease" model of drug use, don't it? Name another "disease" that would warrant the treatment we received. The whole house of Straight is built on a foundation of lies, it's time yoiu stopped believing them, particularly the ones they told you about yourself.
rtp2003