I'll tell ya, my daughter was in a bad relationship for a couple of years. I understood what was going on in the context of my experience in the program. And it all made sense. The only difference was that she, herself, was the one enforcing her own captivity. Now THAT nearly drove me nuts!
But, eventually, she was ready to get out and we had just refused to let Psycho Boy run us off or to let her believe we had. We did just exactly opposite of what the TOUGHLOVE dogma recomends. When we found she'd run away the first time, we turned ON her cell phone so she wouldn't have to get his permission to talk to whoever she damned well pleased. When she needed dental work, we paid for it, no questions, no strings.
The hardest part for me was just biding my tongue whenever she tried to convince me how happy she was and how well this guy treated her. But eventually I learned to and, some time after that, she started calling just to talk or to get a recipe or advice for cold remedies and such.
If the girl comes out of it acting funny, just don't make her choose between you and what she believes. She's got to figure it out and still have somewhere to go if she wants to get out of the thing. It's intentionally set up to make that very difficult. There are all kinds of traps for keeping the victim feeling isolated and unwanted. Look out for those and try not to fall for them.
Locate the blind spot in the culture--the place where the culture isn't looking, because it dare not--because if it were to look there, its previous values would dissolve.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1561769118/circlofmiamithem' target='_new'>Terence McKenna