Yeah ,I had major issues pre-program,heavyduty pharmacopia,a raging love for alcohol,and really really poor impulse control,as well as piss poor judgement.Most of my bullshit was directed outwards,anger-wise.I had huge depression issues,where I just couldnt get my shit together enough to even speak to anybody,used to go around silent for days,even weeks.only thing that has marginally helped me is time/age,nowadays my pharmacy is closed,im still one drunkin asshole or if im not pissed up,im depressed. Yeah,yeah, Iknow go get on anti depressants,right? Nope its still pharma,only fuckin diffrence is that a Dr/insurance/ pharmacy gives it to ya,sure that makes it ok right? Im so fuckin sick of drugs I cant even address that issue. I dont want anymore,Ive done enough,I got jack shit to prove to ANYBODY by doing or not doing drugs. I never could give up drink,cant if I wanted to. At times I can moderate it to an extent,but drunk or sober,im still the same ol depressed p.o.s. I allways been. Drinking is only symptomatic of some long term self loathing shit,pounded into my head by a shitty upbringing,a pre program stint in state school,then good ol str8 thanks,so fucking much,really . Hey tell me the one about how its all gonna get better,that Im gonna have family,cmon..yeah life will just be motherfucking ducky.