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Author Topic: Taking family for granted  (Read 3058 times)

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Offline SUCK IT

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Taking family for granted
« on: July 23, 2010, 01:29:12 PM »
One of the amazing things about treatment programs is the effect it can have on family relationships. When you are young since you are around your family a lot and live in the same house usually, you can start to take each other for granted very easily. You can begin to annoy each other, argue and fight with each other. Kids can chafe under the strict rules of parents from their view, and parents stress out about what their kids are really up to. Families are complicated and involve a lot of emotions and like any relationship it can get ordinary and rocky and times.

When you are away from your family at a treatment program, over time, the arguments you once had seem trivial. You begin to realize what you really had with them, when you longer have it. This allows the stressful atmosphere that was present at the onset of treatment dissipates and allows a new relationship to form built on a strong foundation of honesty and mutual cooperation.

Many kids who arrive in treatment are very angry at their parents. This fades over time when they realize that perhaps their family has their best interests at heart. This anger eventually disappears, and they realize how much they really love their family. This effect will not happen with local therapy. Sorry but this is just a fact. Parents shouldn't underestimate how much a change can occur in the relationship between family members when a kid is in a treatment program. I've seen it and its powerful stuff, kids who said they hated their parents on day 1, when they get to go home with their parents they are totally changed and telling their parents how much they love them. Its pretty amazing actually.
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Offline Anne Bonney

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Re: Taking family for granted
« Reply #1 on: July 23, 2010, 01:31:40 PM »
Or, it can tear families apart.  Abuse is abuse and that broken trust sometimes never heals.
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traight, St. Pete, early 80s
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The more boring a child is, the more the parents, when showing off the child, receive adulation for being good parents-- because they have a tame child-creature in their house.  ~~  Frank Zappa

Offline Ursus

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Re: Taking family for granted
« Reply #2 on: July 23, 2010, 01:45:12 PM »
Quote from: "Anne Bonney"
Or, it can tear families apart.  Abuse is abuse and that broken trust sometimes never heals.
Amen. It tore my family apart. Quite frankly, I don't think that will ever be regained at this point.
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Offline Whooter

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Re: Taking family for granted
« Reply #3 on: July 23, 2010, 01:49:25 PM »
Quote from: "Anne Bonney"
Or, it can tear families apart.  Abuse is abuse and that broken trust sometimes never heals.

I think over time the parents learn to trust the child again.  They just need to re earn the trust back, but I am sure in some families that trust is never regained like you mentioned.  In my case the trust issues were resolved while my daughter was in the program.  The transition back home was a little bumpy at first.  Abuse is a different story.  It can take years to overcome and sometimes the scars are there for the persons' entire life.  It wasn't something we had to deal with in our family.



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Offline Anne Bonney

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Re: Taking family for granted
« Reply #4 on: July 23, 2010, 01:50:39 PM »
Quote from: "Whooter"
Quote from: "Anne Bonney"
Or, it can tear families apart.  Abuse is abuse and that broken trust sometimes never heals.

I think over time the parents learn to trust the child again.

Yeah, funny.  I'm talking about the trust the kid has for the parents....but you knew that already.
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traight, St. Pete, early 80s
AA is a cult http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-cult.html

The more boring a child is, the more the parents, when showing off the child, receive adulation for being good parents-- because they have a tame child-creature in their house.  ~~  Frank Zappa

Offline Whooter

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Re: Taking family for granted
« Reply #5 on: July 23, 2010, 01:54:30 PM »
Quote from: "Anne Bonney"
Quote from: "Whooter"
Quote from: "Anne Bonney"
Or, it can tear families apart.  Abuse is abuse and that broken trust sometimes never heals.

I think over time the parents learn to trust the child again.

Yeah, funny.  I'm talking about the trust the kid has for the parents....but you knew that already.

ahhh, I see what you mean.  I guess it can work both ways, but I would imagine that in the majority of cases it would be the child who is struggling with trust issues which is why they end up in programs to begin with.


Anne.. over in the paradise cove thread if you are the last post you can just delete it if you like.



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Offline Anne Bonney

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Re: Taking family for granted
« Reply #6 on: July 23, 2010, 01:57:54 PM »
Quote from: "Whooter"
Quote from: "Anne Bonney"
Quote from: "Whooter"
Quote from: "Anne Bonney"
Or, it can tear families apart.  Abuse is abuse and that broken trust sometimes never heals.

I think over time the parents learn to trust the child again.

Yeah, funny.  I'm talking about the trust the kid has for the parents....but you knew that already.

ahhh, I see what you mean.  I guess it can work both ways, but I would imagine that in the majority of cases it would be the child who is struggling with trust issues which is why they end up in programs to begin with.

You knew what I meant when you responded the first time and decided to spin it.  Shocking!!


If the kids are already having trust issues that have caused their "problems" in the first place, why on earth would any sane person ship them away to strangers using questionable techniques on them?  Doesn't make sense at all.  Only exacerbates the problems.
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traight, St. Pete, early 80s
AA is a cult http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-cult.html

The more boring a child is, the more the parents, when showing off the child, receive adulation for being good parents-- because they have a tame child-creature in their house.  ~~  Frank Zappa

Offline Whooter

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Re: Taking family for granted
« Reply #7 on: July 23, 2010, 02:01:47 PM »
Quote from: "Anne Bonney"
Quote from: "Whooter"
Quote from: "Anne Bonney"
Quote from: "Whooter"
Quote from: "Anne Bonney"
Or, it can tear families apart.  Abuse is abuse and that broken trust sometimes never heals.

I think over time the parents learn to trust the child again.

Yeah, funny.  I'm talking about the trust the kid has for the parents....but you knew that already.

ahhh, I see what you mean.  I guess it can work both ways, but I would imagine that in the majority of cases it would be the child who is struggling with trust issues which is why they end up in programs to begin with.

You knew what I meant when you responded the first time and decided to spin it.  Shocking!!


If the kids are already having trust issues that have caused their "problems" in the first place, why on earth would any sane person ship them away to strangers using questionable techniques on them?  Doesn't make sense at all.  Only exacerbates the problems.

I dont think we can say for sure what is causing the childs problems.  The parent not being able to trust the child is sometimes just one of many issues.  Ignoring it and hoping for the best is not an option for many parents.



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Offline Anne Bonney

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Re: Taking family for granted
« Reply #8 on: July 23, 2010, 02:05:18 PM »
Quote from: "Whooter"

ahhh, I see what you mean.  I guess it can work both ways, but I would imagine that in the majority of cases it would be the child who is struggling with trust issues which is why they end up in programs to begin with.


Quote
I dont think we can say for sure what is causing the childs problems.  The parent not being able to trust the child is sometimes just one of many issues.  Ignoring it and hoping for the best is not an option for many parents.

No, but I was responding to your hypothetical up there ^^^^^^  A child struggling with trust issues which is why they end up in programs to begin with does not need to have that trust further destroyed by the parent sending them away to strangers using questionable "therapeutic" techniques on them.
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traight, St. Pete, early 80s
AA is a cult http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-cult.html

The more boring a child is, the more the parents, when showing off the child, receive adulation for being good parents-- because they have a tame child-creature in their house.  ~~  Frank Zappa

Offline SUCK IT

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Re: Taking family for granted
« Reply #9 on: July 23, 2010, 02:07:08 PM »
What about a teen constantly lying to their parents? What does that do to trust issues? Sneaking out and lying about it? Do troubled teens not do stuff like this? It's a two way street, this is a lesson that time and maturity has taught me. I used to see the argument from one side , kid the victim, parent the perpetrator. But its not like that, it takes two to tango.
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Offline Anne Bonney

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Re: Taking family for granted
« Reply #10 on: July 23, 2010, 02:15:27 PM »
Quote from: "SUCK IT"
What about a teen constantly lying to their parents? What does that do to trust issues? Sneaking out and lying about it? Do troubled teens not do stuff like this? It's a two way street, this is a lesson that time and maturity has taught me. I used to see the argument from one side , kid the victim, parent the perpetrator. But its not like that, it takes two to tango.

Well, I know this is complicated but........ONE IS A CHILD, THE OTHER IS A PARENT!!!!!


Yes, teens act up all the time.  Have since the beginning of time.  How did we ever get by without programs? ::)  ::)
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traight, St. Pete, early 80s
AA is a cult http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-cult.html

The more boring a child is, the more the parents, when showing off the child, receive adulation for being good parents-- because they have a tame child-creature in their house.  ~~  Frank Zappa

Offline Froderik

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Re: Taking family for granted
« Reply #11 on: July 23, 2010, 02:18:29 PM »
Quote from: "Anne Bonney"
Quote from: "SUCK IT"
What about a teen constantly lying to their parents? What does that do to trust issues? Sneaking out and lying about it? Do troubled teens not do stuff like this? It's a two way street, this is a lesson that time and maturity has taught me. I used to see the argument from one side , kid the victim, parent the perpetrator. But its not like that, it takes two to tango.

Well, I know this is complicated but........ONE IS A CHILD, THE OTHER IS A PARENT!!!!!


Yes, teens act up all the time.  Have since the beginning of time.  How did we ever get by without programs? ::)  ::)

 :tup:
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Offline DannyB II

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Re: Taking family for granted
« Reply #12 on: July 23, 2010, 02:18:46 PM »
Quote from: "Anne Bonney"
Or, it can tear families apart.  Abuse is abuse and that broken trust sometimes never heals.

Are you saying that because you went into a program it tore your family apart??????
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Offline SUCK IT

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Re: Taking family for granted
« Reply #13 on: July 23, 2010, 02:19:42 PM »
Quote from: "Anne Bonney"
Quote from: "SUCK IT"
What about a teen constantly lying to their parents? What does that do to trust issues? Sneaking out and lying about it? Do troubled teens not do stuff like this? It's a two way street, this is a lesson that time and maturity has taught me. I used to see the argument from one side , kid the victim, parent the perpetrator. But its not like that, it takes two to tango.

Well, I know this is complicated but........ONE IS A CHILD, THE OTHER IS A PARENT!!!!!


Yes, teens act up all the time.  Have since the beginning of time.  How did we ever get by without programs? ::)  ::)

Point is they are both people. If you lie to a person again and again, they stop believing you. They will have trust issues with you. What if you found out your kid from your school has been ditching every day to go do drugs, sneaks out at night to do who knows what, and lies constantly to cover their tracks. I think its pretty safe to assume most if not all parents who seek the help of a treatment center for their teen already have severe trust issues going both ways.
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Offline DannyB II

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Re: Taking family for granted
« Reply #14 on: July 23, 2010, 02:21:54 PM »
Quote from: "Ursus"
Quote from: "Anne Bonney"
Or, it can tear families apart.  Abuse is abuse and that broken trust sometimes never heals.
Amen. It tore my family apart. Quite frankly, I don't think that will ever be regained at this point.

Your being placed at Hyde tore your whole family apart??????
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