Author Topic: Joke for the Day!!  (Read 6635 times)

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Offline DannyB II

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Joke for the Day!!
« on: June 24, 2010, 05:11:02 PM »
Wife says to husband,
"Bulls can have sex 3000 times a year, Why can't you !"

...Husband replies,
"Ask the bull if he sleeps with the same cow every night !"
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
Stand and fight, till there is no more.

Offline Whooter

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Re: Joke for the Day!!
« Reply #1 on: June 24, 2010, 07:42:04 PM »
After God had created Adam he noticed that he looked very lonely. He decided to help.

He said "Adam, I've decided to make you a woman. She'll love you, cook for you, be sweet to you, and understand you."

Adam said "Great! How much will she cost me?"

The answer came back, "An arm and a leg."

"Well," said Adam "what can I get for a rib?"



...
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Awake

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Re: Joke for the Day!!
« Reply #2 on: June 25, 2010, 10:31:57 PM »
:rose:  Deep Thoughts   :rose:   ........By Jack Handy.......


I think a mistake alot of us make is thinking the state appointed shrink is our friend.



.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Whooter

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Re: Joke for the Day!!
« Reply #3 on: June 27, 2010, 05:49:19 PM »
How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?

They Take The Psycho Path




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« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline DannyB II

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Re: Joke for the Day!!
« Reply #4 on: June 27, 2010, 06:16:10 PM »
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley
motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.
The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"

The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic...
"Try doing it with the engine running."
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
Stand and fight, till there is no more.

Offline DannyB II

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Re: Joke for the Day!!
« Reply #5 on: June 27, 2010, 06:20:25 PM »
The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got." The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
Stand and fight, till there is no more.

Offline Awake

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Re: Joke for the Day!!
« Reply #6 on: June 28, 2010, 01:01:52 AM »
LOL, good thread.


... :rose: Deep Thoughts  :rose: ...... By Jack Handy ........



.... I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.



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« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Whooter

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Re: Joke for the Day!!
« Reply #7 on: June 28, 2010, 03:19:23 PM »
What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?

A Stick.




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« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Whooter

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Re: Joke for the Day!!
« Reply #8 on: June 28, 2010, 03:25:41 PM »
Bill and Hillary are now married 40 years.

When they first got married, Bill said, "I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it."

In all their 40 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. However, on the afternoon of their 40th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her, and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $1,874.25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed.

Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why. That evening they were out for a special dinner. After dinner Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed and said "I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much, and I gave in. But now I need to know why do you keep the empty cans in the box?"

Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you deserve to know the
truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again
."

Hillary was shocked, but said, "I am very disappointed and saddened, but I guess after all those years away from home on the road, temptation does happen and I guess that a few times is not that bad considering the years."

They hugged and made their peace. A little while later Hillary asked Bill, "Why do you have all that money in the box?"

Bill answered, "Whenever the box filled with empty cans, I cashed them in."



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« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Whooter

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Re: Joke for the Day!!
« Reply #9 on: June 28, 2010, 09:25:13 PM »
A woman comes running out of the elevator and runs over to the receptionist yelling “I was just raped on the elevator!”……  The receptionist says “oh my goodness do you know the man who did it?”  The woman says “no I don’t but it was a city employee”…..  The receptionist says “Was he wearing a badge or uniform?”  The woman say “No”… the receptionist asks “Well how do you know it was a city employee?  The woman says:  “Because I had to do most of the work!”



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« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Awake

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Re: Joke for the Day!!
« Reply #10 on: June 29, 2010, 09:43:39 PM »
..... and now.... :rose: Deep Thoughts :rose: .... By Jack Handy....



..... Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes.


.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline DannyB II

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Re: Joke for the Day!!
« Reply #11 on: June 29, 2010, 09:57:24 PM »
While living in Denver the weatherman said, expect 10 to 12 inches of snow tonight so park on the right side of the road so we can plow the left side. Willie’s wife ran out and parked on the right side. The next week the forecast called for another 10 to 12 inches of snow, but this time he said park on the left side. So Willie’s wife ran out and parked the car on the left side of the road. The following week he said 16 inches of snow expected park, the lights went out and all our power was lost. Willie’s wife said, my goodness, now I don’t know where to park the car. “Why don’t you just leave it in the garage!” Willie said.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
Stand and fight, till there is no more.

Offline Whooter

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Re: Joke for the Day!!
« Reply #12 on: June 29, 2010, 11:08:00 PM »
There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the road when a little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him.

"Nice bike," the cop said, "did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yep," the little boy said, "he sure did!"

The cop looked at the bike and while handing the boy a $20 ticket he said, "Next year, tell Santa to put a license plate on the back of it."

To go along with the cop, the little boy said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes, He sure did," said the cop and smiled.

The little boy looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse instead of on top."



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« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Whooter

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Re: Joke for the Day!!
« Reply #13 on: June 30, 2010, 05:22:06 PM »
The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the US auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.

They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were,

"Oh, Shit!"

Only the state of Alabama was different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were:

"Hold my beer and watch this!"



...
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline DannyB II

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Re: Joke for the Day!!
« Reply #14 on: June 30, 2010, 11:05:53 PM »
One day, Murphy and O'Brien went deer hunting in the woods. They sit in the woods for hours, when suddenly this humongous buck comes into view. With a nice clean shot, O'Brien bangs the buck. They drag it back to camp by the butt, but the antlers keep getting stuck. Another hunter says, "You guys should drag it by the antlers. It won't get stuck." They do, and Murphy yells, "Hey, he was right. He is not getting stuck." O'Brien replies, "Yeah, but we're getting farther away from camp."
 
Now, that was a bad joke.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
Stand and fight, till there is no more.