Pursue happiness at all costs and let the rest go. Whether it is drugs, children, pets, books, walks, exercise, church or whatever. All that matters is your individual happiness and nothing else. If you have access to healthcare, professionals may help you find the happiness you are missing. Do not become another statistic proving the program right in their promise that you will eventually die, end up in prison, or be forever miserable without their support. This was only the one of many lies the program coersed all phasers to believe. Good life is out there and you are entitled to it...by whatever means necessary.
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