I wrote a similar post on another site where the CEDU Documentary is being made. How you got so little education, and the tools didn't work, and how your parents expected a miracle and all they got was a big bill to pay and a messed up kid. How you thought you'd just hug and smoosh your way to success and how none of that or any of the other nonsense they instilled in us had any practical use on the outside.
All of this is why suicides are not a practical measurement of failure. Finding out what percentage were stunted educationally, who might not have completed college or perhaps had to wait many years to complete it because the Kool Aid hadn't worn off and they couldn't find direction enough to succeed. Finding out how many had failed relationships, with parents, close friends. How many jobs people had to hold before finding something that they could just do. How long it took graduates to feel part of normal society again... These would be worth investigating and tallying up.
I remember coming home and feeling awkward around my own friends. Unable to relax and enjoy anything. Always feeling like my parents were harshly judging me, waiting for the miracle to show itself. Having this sense of being on top of the world, with a vague sense of direction, but no clear cut plan or goal, both of which seemed just out of reach. I waited for the miracle too. That somehow everything would just work, but it didn't. That I would eventually feel normal, act normal, and it took years. So many lost years.
