Did any of the programs you were in constantly tell you that you were whining? For instance, if you said you needed to go to the bathroom, you were told to say it again, because that was whining! How the FUCK are you supposed to ask that question? I continue to have a very adverse reaction to certain words like WHINING! Someone used it with me the other day, and 23 years later, I still react like I have to cut them off. My first four months at the Lawn everything I said was referred to as whining. The next thing wast that I was acting like a SCUBA diver. A self contained unit.
Gee, I wonder why? I quit talking after those first four months. I did not ask for privileges. I gave up. I was afraid of everything. If staff looked at me a certain way, I feared them. I know towards the end they wanted to put me on Room Therapy! You want to talk SCUBA, go on Room Therapy. Shit. To think that one word can trigger this rant in me is strange. It is the almost the 23 anniversary of my exit from there, and suddenly I am having so much anger. I can't hold it inside of me any longer. Worse yet, what do I say to that person that said I whined. I know she was repeating what she had heard from my sibs. The same sibs that were happy to have me put away. They think I was the problem, and really, I am the sane one! All of my sibs are screwed up! I mean it. Psy knows the story. The whole story. It is the anniversary of my sentence to 9 months with Nurse Wratchett! This is what pours out of me. Anyone else go through this? Please do tell.
