It's not very often I'm ever in a position to have to defend my character. Those who know me, unlike you, know why.
I have to say your response was a laughable one, and didn't even address what I was saying at all. Maybe you should read it again and try to come up with a more relevant response.
Considering we don't know each other, you seem to have strong opinions of me. Since you don't know me, and only limited information about me or my life was provided to AARC, I can only accredit this to assumptions and gossip learned through AARC. Read a few of my other posts. Maybe you should talk to the people directly involved in a situation, or try to find out the facts instead of blindly attacking them based on the goal oriented opinions of others.
Let's take a look at what you wrote:
Dear Tami/"a mom": uhm unlike you , some people have lasting friendships and a life built on community and they keep in contact with others where they work or play or whatever.
So because you don't know of my lasting friendships, they don't exist? Or you were told I have no lasting friendships? Or do you mean friendships with only people from AARC or who are in support of AARC? Please be more specific. You don't know where I work or play so how could you know whether I keep in contact with individuals from those places?
I was referring to the unnatural affiliation many parents/grads maintain post treatment, such as the activities referred to in my last post. This affiliation becomes stronger than the bond with their OWN children to the point that contact and a relationship with these children will be severed should the client/child or sibling/child leave AARC or AARC ideals behind. In my opinion, that is, indeed... sick.
Parents of youth in a drug treatment center (aside from AARC and others LIKE AARC) do not go on to work there. They also don't abandon their former lives, activities, family, friendships for "new" program related friendships and "new" program ways to live their life, which you would call a life built of community. As independent adults most parents are capable of making life decisions without having to consult with their child's rehab center.
MY life was built from the moment I was born. This will never change, I am self-absorbed as I value freedom of thought and the freedom for me and my family to believe what we believe not what someone else tells us to believe, and to be powerful and have control over our own lives. My life was not built from the moment I entered AARC. Unlike some other people in AARC, I still have my own life. I didn't start a new life during AARC and continue with this new life after AARC. My friends were my friends before AARC, and they are still my friends now. I guess I have no friends from AARC because it doesn't work that way does it? Friendships started in AARC, were severed when I was forced to stop attending, those individuals were "not allowed to talk to me" because I was no longer in AARC. Those who did talk to me, did so in hushed tones and "off the record". Prime example of the lack of independent thought and decision making and fear that goes along with being an AARC participant.
How does that make them 'sick'? Oh yes, in your healthy mind it does!
How does my aspiration to live my own life and not one created for me by AARC make me "sick"?
I don't recall saying anything about lasting friendships, a life built on community and keeping in contact with others where you work or play as being "sick". How did you interpret that from what I said? My healthy mind sees nothing wrong with those things. However, I don't consider drug rehab "work", as in a career or employment or "play" as in a hobby or recreation. I especially don't consider drug rehab a "community".
Our purpose in attending AARC was to receive qualified help for the issues my son was dealing with at the time, not to join the ranks and add to the unification of the AARC, the AARC alumni or the AARC Society. A rehab center, in this case, initially described to me as a place to address root causes of my son's criminal activity, a place to receive mental health treatment, and a place to receive family therapy, is not and should never be considered "a community".
But we all know it is in the case of AARC, and thank you for affirming this.
roflmao You, unfortunatley for your kid were so self-absorbed you refused to do what it took to support your kid
Perhaps you don't have children? My family is my FAMILY. AARC is a place. We are a unit, always have been and always will be. I love my children (both of them, so no, I'm not going to kick the handicapped one out into the streets with NO way to look after himself, just because AARC expects it - maybe that's something you would do, and something other parents in AARC were willing to do, but not me)
I always have, always will and am currently doing whatever it takes to support my kids. My motivation comes from love, understanding and respect. And they know this.
so it was downloaded to someone else
Yes, since our rights were violated by AARC's "ever-changing-and-adaptable-to-suit-situation-if-it-helps-AARC- get-what-it-wants-follow-the-book-but-not-at-all-rules" my son was not only deprived of contact with his supportive family who loves him, he was also made to believe he had been abandoned, that he was worthless and his family didn't care if he lived or died, and that I wasn't even his legal parent anymore. He of course knows this is not true, because reality and his life history before and now after AARC just doesn't coincide with the facade that was repeatedly presented to him only during his time in AARC.
AND, my son had to have a host home SOMEWHERE to fulfill his duties, I mean treatment, didn't he?
Being a renter as opposed to a homeowner, my landlord was not keen on me putting bars on his property and locking up supposed drug addicted adolescents and adults against their will, in with other supposed drug addicted adolescents and adults. As a person with morals, personal integrity and the concern for other people's safety, not to mention my own legal liablity, I wasn't keen on this idea either. More so now, that I've heard accounts of rape, beatings, emotional abuse and sleep deprivation that has occurred in host homes. I am extremely glad that my household was not subjected to the ethical and legal accountability of such a potentially dangerous situation.
And my 17 year old's legal guardian it was a real cakewalk to not know of his whereabouts or well being for almost a whole year. But what do parental and childrens' rights have to do with this?
How is my son's oldcomer from that "Downloaded" family doing anyway, after being treated, graduated and released? The one responsible for supervising and mentoring my child without my knowledge or consent?
He's in jail isn't he? What a good role model! Yet another AARC success story/miracle!
Seriously though, I am grateful that my son was (according to him) well looked after in his host home, and the parents were very kind to him. In the forced absence of his own family he became fond of his host home parents. And I am grateful to them for taking care of my son. It is extremely generous of that family to commit yet ANOTHER year + of their lives to support the AARC cause. Again the unnatural affiliation, and people being manipulated into doing for AARC. I have talked to many parents who were resentful of the things expected of them at AARC, all the many things that were unrelated to "therapy" but completely applicable to the development of a "unified community".
I refused to be manipulated, and against outstanding odds I did in my heart what was right, and I am more convinced of that now than ever before.
Call it "sick" if you want. I will call it "strength".
I'm very happy to know that the 1 year in AARC could not destroy the 18 year relationship I have with my son. I am happy because that parent/child relationship has been destroyed in the same manner in more families than I would like to think about.
and now you write your BS just like GElliot on websites,
So he ISN'T the only one! I thought he was alone in his unjustified complaints about the AARC program? I guess there are others who were hurt by this place hey? Wow, think about it.
bitching about what other parents unreservedly did for their kids because they actually love their kid more than their time.
I honestly couldn't really care less what other people do, generally. Except for the fact that other people's participation has allowed programs like this to exist, for if they didn't my own family would have never gone through what we have gone through for the past year.
I also care about kids, and I care about siblings who are discarded when their parents choose one child over another because it was expected of them. People love their child AND their time AND their life. Parents showing their support for their kids by performing menial tasks around the center whenever someone snaps their fingers? That is supporting your kid? Painting and cleaning the center, providing housing and food for other children while paying for your own child to receive these things at the expense of yet another parent and vice versa? Giving your resources and spare time to AARC, when the kid is completely unaware of anything you've done because there is a total lack of communication? I'm afraid that is unreservedly (at least outwardly) doing for the PROGRAM, not their CHILD. Questioning these irrational things is not a sign of lack of support for a child. It is a normal and rational response to being taken advantage of!
That is not therapy, that is not support, that is succumbing to peer pressure and intimidation and allowing yourself to be controlled through fear, guilt and obligation.
I love my kids more than my time, I can't even compare that... my kids ARE my time. I've foregone sleep more often than not in my support of my kids. My once thriving business has been practically destroyed over my love and support of my kids.
But you have contradicted yourself, in the same way AARC contradicts themselves. In AARC parents are taught to disconnect emotionally from their children. To "work their own program". We were told our kids are monsters, and they are going to do horrible things, and we need to be prepared to handle it. We weren't even allowed to ask direct questions regarding our child's treatment, or their well being. No communication is allowed. How does the this comply with ANY model of family therapy? Of which the main component IS communication. I've consulted the experts, that isn't therapy.
Unlike countless AARC graduates my kids KNOW I love them, my kids don't now, and thank God never again, will have to live with the fear that if they don't comply with AARC rules, and follow the AARC lifestyle that their relationship with me will be severed and all support from me will be withdrawn. They do not and will NEVER have to live with fear and paranoia thinking that they may get "caught" associating with the wrong people, or if they don't do this thing or that thing expected of them it will cause significant problems in either their life or in their relationship with me or each other.
They know that my love is, always will be, and always has been unconditional!
No mother who actually cares for their kid would abandom them cause things look a little too time consuming as you keep writing about when you complain about AARC.
Do you honestly believe, with everything I've written that I don't actually "care about my kid"? I would also like to know where I keep writing about anything being too time consuming???
you also like to spread the same BS as GE and attack AARC grads who say they were helped at AARC.
I talk about my own experiences, my own beliefs, my own research, my own opinions and my own life. Where did I attack an AARC graduate who said they were helped by AARC?
How interesting . . another happy person just helping others out . . . ??
Do you mean me or GE? If you mean me... you're right! I am a happy person. I always have been a generally happy and optimistic person. I'm participating in a forum discussion, which is applicable to my life because of my experiences. If this helps others, great, if not, it still helps me.
There truly are some people who should have been neutered in Alberta and not the ones deemed 'mentally handicapped'. You sure should have been a candidate, your poor kid . . .
Really? You would prefer a province of "mentally handicapped" people?
I know of no people who have been "neutered" especially females.
Honestly ... Wow! What a passionate statement! I am truly interested in the level of contempt you hold for someone you don't even know. What impact do I or either of my kids have on your life personally? Seriously. Have you always been this way with people you don't even know? I feel sorry for you. This kind of attitude could only create difficulty in your life and relationships.
But, if you had your wish would "neuter" have taken place before I had ANY children, including the AARC graduate in my family? I wonder how this graduate would feel knowing you think it would have been preferable had he never been born at all? If he just failed to exist. Is his life that worthless now that he's maintaining his 18 year relationship with his own mother and brother? Is your organization that closed that you will discard one of your own so readily? Wow, you really did care about that kid hey? Or maybe your upset he's decided to live his own life and not become forever enslaved to the AARC program? Does it stink when they leave and you need to start training another one from scratch? Is that it?
Maybe I should have been "neutered" before having a mentally handicapped child, who holds high standards of excellence and responsibility for himself and the treatment of other people? I guess his principal and teachers would have never had the opportunity to give him honors with distinction and to claim time and time again that they are honoured to know him and that he is an asset to any school or organization in which he participates.
The world definitely needs LESS people like that! I am extremely proud of my two kids, and the fine people they are growing up to be. Seriously, considering you do not know me, or my family, get a grip!
AND where in the dictionary do I find "marvelousness"?
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/marvelousnessI bet you have a hard time matching socks too hey?
I can see why you didn't quite catch on to how treatment for addiction works and that your kid is sick and needed help.
I actually have an extremely good grasp on how AARC's method of treatment works. I've had nothing but time for the last year figuring it out. Not knowing me, or knowing what I do and how resourceful I am, I guess you wouldn't know that though.
My kid, my family for that matter entered AARC with a misrepresented notion of what we would be receiving. Unlike most kids who are ambushed by their parents, destroying all levels of trust, MY kid knew he was going to AARC. AARC wanted me to trick him, make him think he was picking up a bike or something from the facility. I guess treatment is more effective that way. Having more than a shred of respect for my son and his right to have some decision over what happens to him in his life, I refused to trick or con him. He knew he had problems and wanted help for those problems. He is now receiving appropriate help for his issues, not issues he needed to fabricate to ever make it out of your program.
It is a double wammy with you - stupid and self-absorbed!
I don't blame you for thinking this way. It's what you've been taught. You don't know anything about me or my life to know any different. There is no point of reference to base an accurate assessment on.
