I would organize an all-star Paul Bunyon Day meets RMA Olympics meets Uncle Sam event.
I would call it the 4th of Gayness. Holy shit I can't remember what kind of bullshit event they had for the 4th. Wait it's coming to me...some lobotomized retardfest that look goods used as "dirt" finding missions. I saw you playing volleyball and cheating when you were keeping score. That's your drug thinking making you do that. You take away safety every day.
Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat's righhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhht!