Castle's advice column

[try another castle]

I am scared to death of the committment of marriage. I am 27 amd currently dating a wonderful man who is absolutely great looking, and unbelievably kind. We have been together for over two years. The problem is,he wants to get married. He proposed to me in six months ago and I told him that I had to think about it. The more I think about it, the more I panic and I know it is unfair not to give him an answer so I feel great pressure to decide. I know that I love him. I am sure that I would be misserable without him. The problem is that I feel like getting married to him would be giving up the possiblility to find a man who is as attractive as my current boyfriend but as funny and interesting as my last boyfriend who I also refused to marry after four years of dating.

Am I setting myself to be an old maid by expecting that I could find someone with everything that I wantt? I have met two men who I thought had everything that I wanted, both whom I would have been eager to marry. However, both of these relationships were short-term and I ended up getting dumped in both cases. I am not sure if these relationships were more enticing to me just because they were uncertain, or if I would have maintained those feelings of committment and excitement to these men even with time.

I feel very confused. I also feel a littlle bit like a freak as it seems to me, from reading your columns and other relationship-oriented books and articles, that fear of committment is generally a man's problems. I hope you can give me some advice about whether I should hold out for my Mr. Perfect or settle down and give up a chance at my fantasy man.

If there are no kids (or major assets) involved, a marriage can be dissolved easily enough....

I'm with frod on this. Be happy you  have found someone you love. Not all of us are so lucky. Marriage ain't nothing but a piece of paper, and the ability to ruin each other's credit for the rest of your lives. Be with him if you want to be. Living in sin, marriage, either way. Just as long as the both of you enjoy being together.

[try another castle]

I am thinking about making a documentary about the program I was at or programs in general. I am not sure this is a good idea though because it will bring back old memories and it's just not a very positive subject in my life, as you probably know full well... so what do you think. I have the equipment and ability since that's the business I am in, I do media stuff, so I feel like I want to do something about programs and put it up on google video.. is it too obsessive to do that? Afterall I could do  something more positive like .. well.. um.. something I'm sure.

What a coincidence, I am planning on making a film, too. I have already even made a pseudo-trailer about a quarter ago that was received quite well by people who aren't in the know.

Here was how I was planning on going about it. Find a colleague who is not a survivor, and work with them. I was having this pipe dream that my old college buddy who is a filmmaker could help me out with it, but he is busy being with the beautiful people now and doesn't return any of his old friends' calls. If I need to work with someone else, it will be the same stipulation, they can't be a survivor. This will help prevent the piece from seeming too self-serving, because their input will be from a different perspective, despite the fact that they agree with you.

[try another castle]

QUESTION:

I have a child who is nine and seems to have trouble comprehending the concept of respect. He is a nice person for quite some time and then disrupts others in the class when the teacher is speaking, causing her difficulty and preventing the other children from learning. We remind him of appropriate behavior and respect and he is good for a few months. I have no idea what triggers these outbursts. Any suggestions when I speak with him about it when I pick him up from school?

Thank you,

Corinne

Never ask Castle advice regarding the rearing of children, for the most part. I have cats.

However, I can speak to the disruption issue. Most of the time, this is because the kid is bored and smart. I was a similar problem in school, and did very much the same things. I got sent out of class so many times it wasn't even funny. My mom actually devised a clever way of helping to alleviate this, for the most part. My problems always kind of manifested in the afternoon, and it was because my attention span had been taxed and my blood sugar level needed a boost. So she worked out a deal with my teacher that at a certain time during the day,  I could take a few minutes break from class, quietly excuse myself, and go eat a granola bar. Then I would come back and feel much better. You say "oh, but he's missing a few minutes of  class." Trust me, it's American schools. He isn't missing much. I was in a private school and I still didn't miss much.

It was a once a day thing, and seemed to help a bit and keep me focused.

[Anonymous]

dear castle:

i have an average sized boobs but would love an upgrade. i just love big boobs. some people tell me not to do it because they feel like baseballs after, others say go for it. what do you advise?  i don't want to be stripperella just revel in the joy of big boobs. thanks. also welcome the advice of any men out there who have samples both.

Well, the technology has improved a bit in the last two decades, so the rock-hard baseball feeling fake boobs aren't as common as they used to be.

Generally, I think most times fake boobs are a mistake.  I like all kinds of different women, shapes, sizes, looks, races, etc., and the whole clone thing is kind of a turn off.  Then you get the ridiculous ones that look like they were picked out of a page in Heavy Metal magazine, they are really kind of weird.  A lot of really attractive women, who may have smaller tan average sized breast for their particular size or body frame, tend to overcompensate when they get fake boobs, and they end up looking silly or sometimes even grotesque.  Obviously fake tits don't really turn me on at all.  I have dated women of many different sizes, breast-wise, and I think it is more about the shape of the breasts and how they complement a woman's body rather than he size of the breasts themselves.  Many very attractive femmes have done themselves a disservice by going out and buying the biggest boobs they can fit on their chest.  I guess if you are a stripper and look at it as a business decision, that's one thing, but if you are trying to enhance your appearance that is another.  I'd say if you are going to do it, make sure that the ones you get look like tey at least could be natural.    When a woman has boobs that are obviously fake, she turns herself into a caricature of feminine beauty, looks ridiculous, and makes me wonder what else about her is fake.

[webdiva]

 I'm with frod on this. Be happy you  have found someone you love. Not all of us are so lucky. Marriage ain't nothing but a piece of paper, and the ability to ruin each other's credit for the rest of your lives. Be with him if you want to be. Living in sin, marriage, either way. Just as long as the both of you enjoy being together.

 yet another way for the govt to have their hand deep in your pocket and your life.  no thanks, not necessary.

[Froderik]

Well, being married will give you tax breaks; of course, this is only beneficial if you pay them to begin with.

Anyway, I've never been one to "stand on ceremony" too much..

Fuck marriage!  Haha.

[nimdA]

Should I be worried?

My Korean boss insisted I was my feet before teaching a class today. He even came into the bathroom and supervised me while I scrubbed my stinky feet. He then washed my sandals for me. He said it was due to complaints from my students.

I went into my classroom and was hit with a wall of odor that I could have cut into blocks. Now I know it wasn't all me cause I use foot powder daily. So I did a random survey as I was walking by and some of the smells were horrible. These kids really do stink like shit. Kind of hard for them not to being as hot as it is here in South Korea.

So anyway Should I be worried?

Is this some sort of come on by my boss who might have a wierd foot fetish?

[try another castle]

Should I be worried?

My Korean boss insisted I was my feet before teaching a class today. He even came into the bathroom and supervised me while I scrubbed my stinky feet. He then washed my sandals for me. He said it was due to complaints from my students.

I went into my classroom and was hit with a wall of odor that I could have cut into blocks. Now I know it wasn't all me cause I use foot powder daily. So I did a random survey as I was walking by and some of the smells were horrible. These kids really do stink like shit. Kind of hard for them not to being as hot as it is here in South Korea.

So anyway Should I be worried?

Is this some sort of come on by my boss who might have a wierd foot fetish?

Next time you go into work, make sure you have "love" written in black magic marker on the tops of your toes on your left foot, and "you" written on your toes on the right.

I think that might prevent your boss from bothering you again. Or... you might get a date. Either way.

Of course, if he can't read the roman alphabet, then it's moot.

[Anonymous]

I live on the other side of the country from my father, and it's been 3 years since I've seen him. He was fairly abusive to me and my sisters when we were little which is why we moved so far away. Since I moved away, he had two kids with his second wife. The daughter is 5 and gets along pretty well with him, but the 2 year old boy isn't so lucky. He is more needy and clingy and not as stoic as my father would like his "little man" to be. So he overreacts all the time and spanks him for little to no reason. Last weekend I found out from his current girlfriend (not the mother of his two newest kids) that he has on a number of occasions hit him in the face when he got mad at him, and a couple of other more worrisome things. I know I need to tell the kids' mother and probably social services, and I will, but I have a bit of a problem. I haven't witnessed any abuse, only the current g/f has. When the shit hits the fan, it will be known that she was the one who told. I'll be safe back on the other side of the country, but she'll be here to take the fallout. My father has always said he'll kill whoever gets between him and his kids - I don't think he will, but he will certainly hurt her badly. On the other hand, if I tell her in advance, she will almost certainly tip off my father in an effort to save herself - putting myself, my younger siblings and my stepmother in harm's way. Aside from reporting the abuse (which is a given), what should I do?

[Froderik]

See if the kids' mother will call them herself..?

[try another castle]

he has on a number of occasions hit him in the face when he got mad at him

Wow, you can call social services for that, nowadays?

I could have called social services on my parents a hundred times over. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

he has on a number of occasions hit him in the face when he got mad at him

Wow, you can call social services for that, nowadays?

I could have called social services on my parents a hundred times over. Sheesh.

It's more that I know what he did to me when I was a kid, and I foolishly thought that he had changed with his new kids. I also know that his g/f wouldn't tell me everything.

And really, hitting a two year old in the face many times over... shouldn't that be reported regardless of all the extrapolated evidence I happen to be aware of?

[Anonymous]

Do you think that marijuana willl ever be made legal and this fascist society we live in today will allow us to say enjoy a joint while walking down the street? Or maybe even let us bring our dogs to the beach, or smoke a joint on the beach? Wouldn't that be nice? Do you think this country will ever stop raiding people's homes over prohibited flowers and shooting them dead in their own homes? Do you think that us landless peasants will ever have any place to go other than our own government for help? Do they make it that way on purpose sometimes it seems like that, if they just opened up all the national forests and let people live there they would develop it and make it nice but it's off limits and we are corralled into cities which have codes and taxes and rules and make you build a house that looks a certain way. Do you think things are going to get better or worse for regular people as our future progresses?

[try another castle]

Do you think that marijuana willl ever be made legal and this fascist society we live in today will allow us to say enjoy a joint while walking down the street? Or maybe even let us bring our dogs to the beach, or smoke a joint on the beach? Wouldn't that be nice? Do you think this country will ever stop raiding people's homes over prohibited flowers and shooting them dead in their own homes? Do you think that us landless peasants will ever have any place to go other than our own government for help? Do they make it that way on purpose sometimes it seems like that, if they just opened up all the national forests and let people live there they would develop it and make it nice but it's off limits and we are corralled into cities which have codes and taxes and rules and make you build a house that looks a certain way. Do you think things are going to get better or worse for regular people as our future progresses?

Castle can only offer advice, not political predictions. Maybe I could compromise and give you political advice, such as "don't vote for that guy, he slept with my dog." but other than that.... I'm not too useful. I will say on the whole that I am cynical, jaded and pessimistic, so any answer you would get from me on this would reflect that.

[try another castle]

My 14 yr old Daughter says " it just going to get worse because the Government is busy perfecting and up-grading things that don't need to be worried about until the real problems in America are fixed i think they should focus on things that matter like getting the fuck out of of other countries and leaving other cultures alone why would anyone want to live in the u.s. we have the most judgmental fucked up government we should be trying to fix big matters not little things like making nice parks and roads and up grading cars and cd players i don't give a fuck about that stuff if i cant enjoy it and no one can enjoy anything if we have bush as our retard representative."

ok.

Wait, was there a question?

Anyway, my advice is to send her to clown college. Maybe it will cheer her up.

*sings* do do do do do do do do do do