I have a major problem. I am a 18 year old woman and I have a wonderful fiance. I've been seeing him since 8th grade (5 years) and he proposed when I was 16. I also recently found out I am pregnant with our first child together. Now don't get me wrong, he and I are very happy about the child. He is very excited to be a father even at such a young age (hes just turned 19). However, the other night he had his shirt off and I noticed 7 new cuts, at first I thought his cat had attacked him again (demon cat), but the lines were much too straight and deep. When I asked him he just kind of brushed me off, which is very much unlike him. Later in the week I found his pocketknife under his bed covered in blood. I showed this to him and he admitted that he used it to make the cuts on his chest. I lost it. I have very strong feelings on self mutilation and suicide, mainly because I know how horrid that shit feels having survived three attempts to commit suicide when I was 13. I completely broke down. I can't even imagine why he would try to harm himself. Hes told me how happy he is about the baby and how excited he is to start a new life with me and our new baby. He helped me when I had my issues, now I feel like I can't help him, I feel like i'm going to lose him and our child is going to grow up daddyless. I feel like I can't even help the one I love most. I know you might not be able to help me but I just needed to tell someone who would listen. Thank you in advance.
There are a few possibilities here.
1. Your husband is dealing with issues of self-hatred
2. Your husband is a pervert
3. Both
If 3. is true, then sometimes seeking proper outlets with 2. can help 1.
Cutting is a stigmatized practice in our society. If he has issues, then maybe this outlet helps. The problem is that accidents can happen if someone doesn't know what they are doing, from nicking an artery to getting an infection. The question is.. is he looking for an accident?
Telling someone not to cut isn't going to deal with the real problem, if there even is one. It's hard for me to answer this one with anything remotely helpful, if he does indeed have serious issues, because I am a pervert, but I will go ahead and say it... blood sports can be very therapeutic. However, there is no way in hell he should be doing it to himself. Someone he trusts should be doing it to him. And they should damn well know what they are doing.
I guess my point is, if you need to cut, do it right, and safe, and have someone who knows their shit do it to you. Not sure what the S&M community is like in your neck of the woods, but I'd recommend finding a good dom who specializes in cuttings/play piercings if he wants to continue with this. Better than have him do it himself. I believe there are also shops now, just like tattoo parlors.
Now, having said all of this, this could also be hesitation cuts as a lead-up to something worse. However, it is rare for men to commit suicide this way, last time I checked. I think he is seeking an outlet for his pain, most likely.
I tried to kill myself twice as a teen. I had terrible issues with self-hatred. When I became an adult, I fell in love with blood sports. Fortunately, I ended up in the right hands. My memories of the scenes I had with my tops are wonderful and intense.
Wow, that's some of the worst advice I've ever given... "My husband is hurting himself." "Well for fuck's sake, make sure he does it right."
Yeah, never ask a pervert about cutting. Bad idea.
Okay, forget everything I just said. Just ask him what's the dealio and what happens for him when he cuts himself, what he gets from it, etc. Keep any freak outs on your part to a bare minimum, and let him just talk to you about what is going on in his head.
