Fornits Home for Wayward Web Fora An open discussion about the troubled parent industry
Total Members Voted: 6
Voting closes: September 07, 2044, 08:09:14 AM
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Let's just say I'm going to give up. I'm not convinced a treatment center is the best answer at this point, nor do I think being ruined financially on treatment that is really a gamble is necessary. Yet.I do feel more therapy and a psych evaluation is a reasonable next step. I know a part of our problem is the pattern between she and I, that I'm a doormat. I'm thinking about foster care, except of a high quality. A loving but firm mom or couple, probably who have already raised teens, who take in a teen or two at a time. Have you all ever heard of something like this?
Icon 1 posted May 05, 2007 06:40 PM Profile for twiglet Email twiglet Send New Private Message Edit/Delete Post Reply With Quote I would strongly advise you to get a drug and alcohol assessment done on your daughter's use. My son's friends were nearly all using drugs/alcohol and he has ended up with a serious drug problem. It's tempting to say it's only pot but the truth is pot is extremely potent these days. A number of therapists have said that they are seeing an increasingly high number of adolescents whose pot use escalates out of control very quickly. This happened to my son and we weren't aware of it for a few months (he appeared to be functional, went to school etc). If all her friends are using with or without parental consent (yes some parents really don't seem to mind!) it will be very hard for her to break away from it especially if she is self medicating. For us, an out of home placement is the only option and I wish now that we skipped the abortive attempt at outpatient rehab. Some teens need to get away from the home town environment to have any chance of breaking the cycle. It is very hard emotionally and financially to contemplate an out of home placement but I keep telling myself that I don't want my son to end up in an early grave
Gosh, I never felt that I could give up -- certainly not while there was something I thought I could do to help one of my children achieve their promise. At some point, our children have to take full responsibility for their actions, but that is generally around 18 or so years of age, and may vary by individual and even by some state laws.No, I've not heard of hiring a parent for a while. The closest thing might be like the TV show "Nanny 911". I've read that there are services like that, but don't know first hand of any.I'd not characterize most of the schools and programs discussed here as "treatment centers". I do think your daughter could benefit from some kind of time away, with a different experience, and with some trained professional direction. That could mean anything from a few weeks and a few thousand dollars, to well over a year and several tens of thousand dollars - and I don't mean to suggest any particular point on that range. However, nothing says you need be ruined financially anyway.You agree that there are reasonable next steps, but noted in the ohter "threat" that your daughter won't go any more. It seems clear that your daughter needs - even is crying out for - help with the pressures of growing up and the challenges of your personality conflict. At the least, maybe you both should go on some outdoor trips together! Even look for some with counselors.
Sosadmom,How can you just throw your hands up and give up on her? She is just 15 and while she is difficult and bringing the whole family down, and I can understand your frustration, things can really be so much worse.From your posts it doesn't seem as if she has been in real legal trouble,or a danger to herself or your family. I don't see how you could consider finding foster or mentor parents for her just yet.Many of us have been to **** and back with our troubled, out-of control teens. We researched all of our options and made the best decisions that we could to turn our kids' lives around. I guess I don't view giving up on a 15 year old an option (perhaps there is more to this story). She is not THAT far gone, at least not yet. I urge you to get some help for yourself (therapy, support groups etc).I am sorry, as I realize that my tone is harsher than I mean it to be, and you need some support and encouragement from other parents here, not my critisism. I just don't want to see you give up on her (or yourself)!
@SoSadMomYou can't be serious.... But hey. Between a program and foster parents. I'd have chosen the latter. Why not ask some Amish? Seriously! They're religiously obliged to take your kid in if you ask them, and you can be sure they'll be treated well. Maybe they can Exorcize your kid. It's about as scientifically sound as most programs' methods.(source est.. Lifespring... Synanon.. all cults (i can cite sources for this if people want). oh wow... that's impressive.)@Twiglet:Pot is a plant. So-called "skunk" is simply a well-bred plant (a purer strain of Indica usually). It's not "15 times stronger" or anything of the sort. It's just like some coffee beans have slightly more caffeine. Selective breeding can only do so much. In any case, it simply means a person smokes less of it to get the same effect. To my knowledge there have been no studies done citing permanent damage caused by pot. There have been studies done citing a correlation between schizophrenia and marijuana usage, but it is not clear whether or not marijuana causes schizophrenia (very unlikely) or whether schizophrenics prefer to self medicate using marijuana.You say his usage was "out of control" and yet it didn't affect his studies. Furthermore, you didn't even notice it. Experimentation with drugs is not exactly abnormal during the teenage years, and "heavy user" is a very subjective phrase, especially when organizations parents look to for education such as "DARE", or the "Drug Free America Foundation" were/are funded in part/chiefly by the very same people who bring you some programs. (Can't mention them here. PM me if you want details)Most people grow out of it. Everybody tries it. It scares parents. That's natural. This does not mean "let them"... But please... Don't send them to program for it. There are many other options.Disclaimer: No, I do not smoke pot but my dad did in the 60s(Apparently, it was quite common around during that era), and he's fine now. So did many of my coworkers and fellow college students. Most get bored of it (especially when they can drink, which is far more potent and harmful (cirrhosis, physical addiction, poisoning).
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