The Carlbrook thread

[psy]

Welcome Charley

[Charly]

So what happens here?

[psy]

this is a moderated thread.

So.  here is where TSW has to be nice to you... and others.

And that goes both ways too.

SO.  starter question.  Did your son ever discuss groups?

[Charly]

When he was still there, he seemed to like the workshops.  I wonder if it was just because it was something different.  That's what makes me wonder if they were "softer" than what you describe- CEDU etc

[psy]

lemme ask you something about ratting out.  Your son was encouraged to turn on his friends about ... often pathetic stuff.  he refused.  Does this show his strength?  What does it say about the program's repect of his values?

[Charly]

I think it shows my son is strong (no surprise there).  I'm not sure what all he was supposed to rat about, but he doesn't do that stuff.

When I asked him about the groups over Christmas, I told you his responses.  He wanted to go to the third workshop before he left Carlbrook, but they wouldn't let him because he was a short-timer

[psy]

When he was still there, he seemed to like the workshops.  I wonder if it was just because it was something different.  That's what makes me wonder if they were "softer" than what you describe- CEDU etc

You watched the Landmark forum documentary right?  Did people hate it.  Of course not.  The entire point is for you to love it.

What they do is create an emotional breakdown using ... for example.. painful childhood memories, and then once you're miserable.. they hand you abox of tissues and have a hug-fest.  people love it.  they create misery... with a myriad of methods... and when you're exhausted and broken down... cash in.

[psy]

bans.  that is a cedu term  afaik.  it may be also straight but i do not know for sure.  It referrs to a ban on communication with a person or a group.

[Charly]

If they thought kids were forming too strong a bond and possibly excluding others- usually boy/girl bond but could be same sex friendship- they put you on "bans".  This meant you had to act like the other kid didn't exist- i.e. couldn't even hold the door for them.
My son, for some reason, seems to be very attractive to girls. (not that he treats them very well  )  Anyway, he immediately was on bans with his female counterpart, the Carlbrook "babe".  Subsequently, he got on bans with ALL Females.

[psy]

If they thought kids were forming too strong a bond and possibly excluding others- usually boy/girl bond but could be same sex friendship- they put you on "bans".  This meant you had to act like the other kid didn't exist- i.e. couldn't even hold the door for them.
My son, for some reason, seems to be very attractive to girls. (not that he treats them very well  )  Anyway, he immediately was on bans with his female counterpart, the Carlbrook "babe".  Subsequently, he got on bans with ALL Females.

So.  Normal relationships... they don't encourage.  Friendships...  Any cedu vets want to elaborate on what a "friend" is redefined to be in program?

[Charly]

I could see the bans-thing to a certain extent, but it tended to be applied very arbitrarily.  My son said if the head guy felt like it he would just say to a kid, "You're on bans with XXXX" for no reason.  
The thing that I DID understand was the fact that a lot of the girls had real boundary issues with boys- that was a big part of their problem. My son was warned by some pretty good therapists to stay away from this one girl and he didn't.  It was pretty disastrous for both of them.  She told my son he was "helping her" and he bought it.  She is still a mess- 3 years later.

[psy]

I might as well answer my own question in case there aren't any cedu vets handy.

A "friend" means "the harsher the truth to tell, the truer the friend that tells it"  NOT "the harder..."

If you are a "friend" you are supposed to be a friend by helping others to "follow the program" IE. rat on other students.  If you are a friend... you will confront other friends in group, attacking them about flaws you see in them...

that is program friendship.  Getting close... god forbid love.. is verboten.

[Charly]

That is why they had 4 in a room- so there wouldn't be twosies forming.  I agree they probably had that view of friendship.  My son actually made some good friends there- he is still in touch with a lot of them- especially the girls.

[psy]

I could see the bans-thing to a certain extent, but it tended to be applied very arbitrarily.  My son said if the head guy felt like it he would just say to a kid, "You're on bans with XXXX" for no reason.

If they had a reason, they may have had a hunch.. and that was enough...

The thing that I DID understand was the fact that a lot of the girls had real boundary issues with boys- that was a big part of their problem. My son was warned by some pretty good therapists to stay away from this one girl and he didn't.  It was pretty disastrous for both of them.  She told my son he was "helping her" and he bought it.  She is still a mess- 3 years later.

He fell for a girl..  Since when do young people listen to their elders about love?  That whole area is a "learn by doing" thing exclusively.

[psy]

That is why they had 4 in a room- so there wouldn't be twosies forming.  I agree they probably had that view of friendship.  My son actually made some good friends there- he is still in touch with a lot of them- especially the girls.

This isn't to say friendships didn't form...  Lots of "bonds" formed... how many could be considered "friendships" is another argument entirely...

When you're in group. you learn almost everything there is to know about other people.  It's hard not to get closer as a group.  But it's not always closer in a healthy way...  Like I said.. attacking was love...

Great analogy:  Group was verbal fight group.... with emotions and words...