Letting go

[pepper53190]

I was in Straight from 5/90 to 10/92.  I was kicked out for being there to damn long and not making progress.  They said I had gotten to dependent on the program and it was time for me to go.

I have had recent discissions with a few people I stay in touch with about the animosity that they feel about the place.  Some share my opinion.  But I can't figure out why its so hard for others to let go of the bad things.  There were so many things I learned that I still use today.  My resentment lied in people that screwed up the experiance for me rather than the program itself. I am still sober, isn't that why I was put there?  I love to reminise about the crazy stuff and laugh about the absurd things.  And sometimes I cry for those lost and dead.

I am not saying other peoples opinions are wrong by any means, I just wonder why they hold on so tight.  I know that the earlier clients before me had a much worse experience because HRS hadn't come in to he picture yet.  I also understand no one had the same program.  I don't know....just curious.  Please don't freak out on me, I am just looking for a discussion.  I respect any and all opinions, after all, mine is not the right one, I don't think there is a right one.

Pepper

[METALGOD8]

OK, I won't freak out on you. Your life is yours to make what you want. Being sober since your intake is a worthy accomplishment. It is sad that you had to experience the treatment administered by, I assume, straight, inc. That program was all about abusing people young and old, had an extensive criminal background, and never should have been allowed to operate anywhere on this planet. You could have been sober the whole time without that program. For now, please understand that there are many aspects of the straight inc experience that affect many people in a negative manner to this day. Good luck.  
MG8  :smokin:

[pepper53190]

I understand that......this is true.

You made a comment about me being sober with out it and I gentley disagree. ::bangin::

I just think the princaples they taught me took me further than any of the others.  Like sharing, intense descriptions of the steps and how to apply them, that my family was as screwed up as I was and told them so, holding people I love accountable, listening to others, stuff like that.  It was the ego centric jerks on staff who twisted it or the clients who real screwed things up for me.

What program truley has no faults in it.

Just a question, but what would you reccommend a parent do if they have a teenager on drugs who was on our sort of pathway.

Let us discuss, kindly.  I love to hear others views.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you have "gotten too dependent on the program"...

[ClayL]

Hey guys, not everybody here has issues that are still causing them pain. Some people do still have these issues and these people have them to varing degrees. Aside from the occasional arguement (as in discussion) trying to disuade you misguided liberals from your self-destructive path  :grin: , I am here to find old friends and maybe get feedback on the occasional complaint. As this is a Straight, Inc. message board, it seems a likely place to look.

I will say this, there are times I don't post my thoughts, just because I do not feel up to being attacked. Like I don't feel welcome. Being a straight graduate, I don't tolerate this very well any longer. If you know what I mean.

CL

[METALGOD8]

I believe all of us have pain associated with the program, whether it is detected at any given moment or not. If I were to let my kids go out and party, then I would be to blame for allowing that to happen. I suppose this could be like the "opening a can of worms" now, but, my kids do not use drugs. I know this because I am with them everyday, teaching them about how to become responsible functioning adults. I also have stated to them that when they are adults, they should choose what they are doing based on what is best for them. Hopefully using a positive approach over many years has influenced them enough to steer them away from dope and whatever. If they choose to use after they leave the nest, well, that's their choice. It will also be their choice to stop using. I would suggest spending more time with the kids, setting a good example for them while they are growing up, and support responsible choices as they become adults.
MG8 :smokin:

[ehm]

I can understand how people could have different experiences under different circumstances. It sounds like you had the love and support of your family, that's really important. My first oldcomer was there by choice with the support and love from her Mother, and was out in 8 months! Everyone is different, you're right.
You said you were in 5 rehabs before? :wink:  
Hope to hear from you soon,
Morli

[Anonymous]

Hey, its okay to have a different point of view here, so long as you continue to bow and scrape whilst espousing it.  Otherwise you will be crucifed.  

I think it should be okay to feel good about the program, if thats what workd for you.  I think its okay to feel bad about the program if it DIDNT work for you.  Either way, you are saying "I was in this program, heres what I think, and I am here to not only understand myself but to help others understand." Nobody can take that away from you.  Just be aware that some people dont take kindly to those of us who are not fanatical in our dissent.

[ehm]

On 2003-03-31 10:22:00, Anonymous wrote: "Hey, its okay to have a different point of view here, so long as you continue to bow and scrape whilst espousing it.  Otherwise you will be crucifed.    Just be aware that some people dont take kindly to those of us who are not fanatical in our dissent.   "

Those are 2 pretty judgemental, and unfair accusations.

(1) No-one gets "crucified" here. The only time attacking(referring to the word "crucified") has accured here  when opinion has not been in behalf or benefit, nor constructive to the poster seeking HELP, and therefore counter-productive, and /or harmful to it's recipiant.
 
(2) I don't think I'm the only one who feels less than "fanatical" about my experience. Many people suppress the trauma they were victim to for years. I personally am not "overly zealous", or "unreasonably enthusiastic" about my dissent. It's what I'm left with for a memory of a childhood that was not able to exist. That was then, this is now.

If you are referring to one group in particular,  that's unfair, we are all entilted to our own recovery from metal anguish and /or drug addiction. We all have the right not to be judged. Some of us are crusaders, and some just survivors. We all belong.

Of course we are all different.
Morli

[ This Message was edited by: Morli on 2003-03-31 20:06 ]

[Anonymous]

On 2003-03-31 10:22:00, Anonymous wrote: "Hey, its okay to have a different point of view here, so long as you continue to bow and scrape whilst espousing it.  Otherwise you will be crucifed.   "I was in this program, heres what I think, and I am here to not only understand myself but to help others understand." Nobody can take that away from you.  Just be aware that some people dont take kindly to those of us who are not fanatical in our dissent.   "

You said it brother. I personaly for my own salvation had to let it go. I went to therapy I take an antidepressant and I do other things than just absorbing myself in the STRAIGHT saga. For me it was HELL I hated what they did to me, but now anything that happens is my own doing and if I don't want to go out and crusify the people that caused this then don't give me shit for it. I do alot in my community and believe you me I make certain that if I have a chance to talk w/parents and I do, I redirect them to counselors, Dr's, treatment centers that I know are Kind, Fair and Humane. I also speak out against the DFAF and the Semblers but I am not militant about it. There are many ways to deal with the trauma of your past, I can say first hand that the 24/7 STRAIGHT SAGA will eventualy eat you up. I know b/c I gave a lot of time and effort into helping ISAC and SAFETYNET. I paid for it dearly. The people I thought were my friends in ISAC stabbed me in the back and didn't even care. All they wanted was to be recognised as the ones who did everything and said I was a SHIT as well as alot of other lies... Some friends HUH?? So I gave up on ISAC and I took a back seat to SAFETYNET. You see I was not allowing these people to continue the confrontational and misguided modality of their communications to hurt me or bend me in a direction I know was not for me. So keep on expressing yourself and do like I do.. Just pass over the crap flung at you and know there are people out here who will sometimes agree and other times not agree but from me whether I agree with you or not I will not BASH you..
Peace be with you all and I pray that you all soon find, in your heart the ability to let go of the pain and anger and learn to make decisions and statements with out raw emotion guiding you into hurting others and worse self destruction.
Thank you for reading this.  samantha
if you would like to email me and we can communicate that way you can at [email protected]
please note I am not on the computer every day so sometime it may be a while before I respond

[Anonymous]

Samantha Monroe?

[Anonymous]

On 2003-03-31 12:15:00, Morli wrote:

(1) No-one gets "crucified" here. The only time persecution has accured here was when opinion has not been in behalf or benefit, nor constructive to the poster seeking HELP, and therefore counter-productive, and /or harmful to it's recipiant.


Sorry.  I forogt to mention this one too.  Should anyone feel your comments are not beneficial to the person you make them to, and think that they are counter productive and harmful (which most all of them are 100% qualified to judge) you will be persecuted.

Cant blame me for grabbing that one and running with it.

Back to my original point, considered accusation by some (dont recall accusing anyone in particular at all about this one), Feel free to tell your stories here, ask for help, communicate with those that share your joy and/or your pain.  Its YOUR experience and you only need listen to those who can have an open mind to your point of view, even if they may not share it.   Which I have to commend everyone who has posted to this thread so far for doing quite admirably.

[pepper53190]

You all are funny.  You spent more time talking about being nice to people than anything.  I'm teasing by the way so don't get your panties in a bunch.  I appreciate the input and your opinions.  I know for some it is hard to let go.  And I guess I am still "dependent" on the place.  I am visiting Florida in June and my mom and I are going to the SAFE building to celebrate my Anniv.  I get to hear that old familar song.......or songs.

[ehm]

You know Anonymous
You're right, "persecution" is the wrong word, I meant attack. sorry.                             No-one actually gets "crucified" on this site either.
 
I guess it's true, you can go into "attack mode" when you are protecting someone or something you have strong convictions towards. We all do it in one way or another.
However, to the Anonymous who quoted me, I think our message is about the same.


BTW to pepper53190, you didn't tell me about your experience in the 5 rehabs or all the drugs you were on, but have fun at your reunion in Florida!
 
 Morli

[Anonymous]

On 2003-03-31 18:46:00, Anonymous wrote: "Samantha Monroe?"

Yes I was the president of Safetynet and helped inc and set up the non profit w/chris rhonda and Mike. I also donated alot of time, some money, support, office supplies, food ect to ISAC. I was also working on SAFETYNET setting up a real LMHW to start a support system, working on getting w/Senators and Mr.McDoughna (sp) the Fla Drug Czar, (I had written a letter earlier to the Govenor about the DFAF and Violations of the IRS freedom of Info act Chris was there...) Also trying to set up a place to stay for a person who was in straight and was being released from a state system and needed a place to stay as well as a job ect. I was willing to open my home and lend a vehicle that I have. Not a nice one but still a car to drive and I was willing to go to bat w/the Co. I work for in helping her if she wanted to get a job, benifits ect.. and so much more if Isac will be honest ask them what I did. Then one day I get a call from Marti saying that I wasn't good enough for SAFETYNET that I was emotionaly unstable b/c Chris overheard a private conversation between me and my Therapist and repeated what he could remember and his version of a one sided phone call that was not his business in the first place, and that I should step down and let Chris be president and that He was going to ask his millionaire father to donate money to SAFETYNET and then fund himself and Marti a salary to continue w/ ISAC. Which Marti said that Mike, Rhonda and Chris were all in agreement with. Marti met w/ MIKE AND RHONDA (the next day) which was a Saturday w/out my knowing telling them that I agreed w/ her (which was not true) and that Mike should immediatly resign from SAFETYNET per his conversation w/ Chris. You see it was alot of back stabbing and basic lies. I was tremendously hurt that the people I trusted most would do this and still continue to cause upheavel amongst us.You can ask anyone who remembers me from SARASOTA I was one of the worst treated persons there and my stay there made me sick for years, to reach out to marti who was at one time an oldcommer who blasted me and to forgive her and then to work closely w/her Chris & Mike, then be outcasted was a horrible shock and a true blow to my spirit. So I try and move on and I will continue to reach out for friends but I will not sit back and not tell people, who may think of working with them, to be careful because I don't think I ever did anything wrong I was just trying to help and perhaps make a difference. You know I brought my mother, the first Straight parent to lend a hand and both sisters into this and they were all willing to do what they could. And yet after all of this as well as being in the Hospital for a week with seisures and struggeling to make sense of it all I still want to believe that in the end this will mean something. I realy cared about these people, yet I now know I was only there for their needs and as soon as I said NO or disagreed with them I became the enemy I was the bad guy. I realy am hurt and I guess this is my way of expressing it. You know I didn't even get the courtesy of a FUCK YOU. They just acted as if I never existed. If you want to know more about me go to http://www.safetynetintl.org there is a photo of rich chris and I our story is there. I am not proud of it but it gives you an Idea of what I went through. Thank you for letting ,me rant
Samantha