Yes, I admit -- I'm a troubled parent. I've never raised a teenager before and it's scaring the hell out of me. I only want him to have a shot at happiness and a whole life, not to end up in jail, without an education, homeless, hopeless, whatever..... and that's where I see him heading. I'm willing to do anything and everything to help him. I've been researching TBS's and have an appt with an independent educational consultant in 3 weeks. We live in a major metropolitan city with reasonable resources.
My son is 16, failing school, doing drugs (painkillers, mj, inhalants, xanax, coke...that we know of), is defiant, hot-tempered, depressed and has threatened suicide. He's recently been enrolled in a non-profit teenage drug abuse program (but still doing drugs) and we have an appt. with a psychiatrist next week.
So you guys tell me, what DOES work???
Despite what you see on primetime television, you do have a completely normal teenager. My biggest worry would be the more dangerous drugs, inhalants and coke. I'd tell him I'd rather you smoke weed and take xanax than huff spray paint and nose candy, because you love him and don't want him to be physically harmed. Everything else you are worrying about is not an emergency. Is he stupid? Then he won't be that bad off if he doesn't get an MBA. Is he crazy? Then he won't be homelesss, you can house and feed yourself on minimum wage. Hopeless? A program sure won't solve that, unless you want to fill his head with meaningless buzz words and ideology.
Now that we aren't freaking out, let's look at some reasonable options. He is failing at school? Then how about giving the option of attending a charter school, perhas he is terribly bored and unstimulated. Maybe now that he is 16, he would rather work and do charter school. Smart kids, creative kids and most human beings in general get tired of sitting in a chair receiving basic and normally useless information for 12 years. He's tired of it, change it up and make it different. That's what inspires hope, not more of the same. He's doing drugs? Well unless you want to physically control his body (lock him up somewhere) there is not much you can do without his own willingness, other than speak to him like an adult and have a real conversation about the danger of drugs like inhalants and coke and painkillers. If he wants xanax, get him a prescription from the psychiatrist, maybe he is physically uncomfortable and nervous at school and self medicating. Talk to him about it, don't make him afraid of you because communication will shut down. The mere mention of a program could do this.
As far as the anger and suicide threats, that's typical for a teenager who views their familial relations as a battlefield. That must change. If every teen was locked up for their temper and overly dramatic threats to end their life, there'd be a new camp every week. Seems we're headed that way. If you think he's serious about suicide, you can call the cops and they will detain him and take him to a psych hospital for 72 hours, can be extended to 14 days. But again, once this happens trust is gone, communication is down and will take years to repair.
If I were in your situation, I would start talking to my kid more and trying to find out the reasons for his behavior, and not freak out about the individuals behaviors themselves. If you try and control these actions, this will only result in physical control (ie locking him away in program) and that doesn't help anyone unless they are insane and a danger to themselves. If he were willing, I'd try an outpatient psych program. If he weren't then I would pray he doesn't get arrested or killed, but I would not be willing to risk his psychiatric future by taking irrational action in order to satisfy my parental fears, because that would not be fair to him, it would be selfish to get rid of my own uncomfortable feelings. That's all WWASPS and other programs sell, the alleviation of fear to parents. Everything you listed is normal teenage behavior, but then again reality can be scary to some people.
