Foregiveness

[Antigen]

Here, check this out:
http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?to ... =30#156523

As re: some former staff being as forgivable as anybody, Marshall says what I'm trying to say much better. As regards real forgivness (or at least comfort from seething raging hate) Johnny G. Does.

Maybe I'm just loopy and this will make no sense to anyone else. It does seem paradoxical when I try and explain it. But here's how it works. I'm alright w/ the facts of what happened to us all and my family because I understand that it's just the way human beings act under certain circumstances. And, when I see Program-like behavior and dynamics in the wild, I'm less frightened, more confident in my own ability to deal and the idea of the world being more or less OK because I can understand a little bit about why people act this way.

Does that make any sense at all? I suppose it's like thinking you've got a bent rod and it's practically hopeless then finding out you're just a couple of quarts short on oil and Marvel Mystery Oil is going on sale.

On 2005-12-20 11:56:00, Anonymous wrote:

"I keep forgiving this guy that beats me, and he just keeps onna beaten!"

Forgiveness is devine. Forgetfullness is just a mental dysfunction.

It takes a village idiot to believe that a family needs instruction from the government to raise a child.
-- Anonymous homeschooler

[Anonymous]

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For now forgiveness could just mean to find something good in everyone.  It could mean that I do not have to protect myself anymore against my own vulnerability.  For now forgiveness may just be to allow myself the brevity to breathe and be human for more than just a couple seconds; to feel the world around me as it is.  To feel the sweet sadness of a new clear day, brought from yesterday's passing.  "

[/quote]

I wanted to say that it seems like that word forgivenss must be some kind of trigger word for me, I just read these words, the last two sentences especially touched me.

[dragonfly]

[Woof-a-Doof]

Dragonfly, I took some time to digest your recent post. I hope to explore more by asking you to expand/clarify a few things.

In your first sentence, "I think forgiveness is a word that makes that part of healing into something its not. " When you used the word "part" I envisioned a 'whole'...kinda confused me...how can a part not be a piece of that whole? Tangable or intangable.

I am anxious to understand how the "cultral, religious mislabeling (I love that) serves to dis-empower people? I agree that not only as survivors/veterans of Straight Inc have we  had other's "morality" thrust upon us, but all have had morality pushed on us...as if we were incapable of developing our own, yet I think that the history of civilization shows you to be very accurate.

Catorgizing the "F" word as a non-issue/non-word, that is as you said have no real state in the in the actual world, got me to thinking.  Agreed, the word is extremly ambigious! As all words are mearly descriptions, they mearly point at some-thing which we are describing. As mentioned in another post, I think, or closer to the truth...I am begining to think that in essense, that all things are neutral and are by no means perminate. Each thing, tangable or intangable, real or imagined is by default im-perminate(sp). Each thing has the importance to me that I allocate for it.

I am reminded of a quote from a book that said "Nothing unreal can hurt me, nothing unreal exists." Memories and  and the resulting fears seem intertwined and have woven themselves so deeply...I have to remember and remind myself, I am free.

At the moment I am at peace. The "F" word isn't even an issue. I think that what I am gathering in recent days, is that next time some ex-staff member or some other horid memories surfaces, it is just fine to be pissed off. I have the freedom to say so. I am no longer under the tyrany of Straight Inc.

I have found that going threw the rage/hate experience can be um...cathartic. Sure, the racing pulse and the surge of adrenilin, along with the extreme focus, can be a bit exhausting...but 2-3 days later, I feel better. Have I siezed the holy grail, have I forgiven? No, I dont think so...but my thoughts change towards the source of my anger/rage considering the neutrality of it all.

[Anonymous]

A desire for revenge is an indication of healthy self-esteem.

[PerfectStraightling]

Ahh, A Course In Miracles. I tried that for a while.

[Woof-a-Doof]

On 2005-12-21 22:49:00, JMA wrote:

"Ahh, A Course In Miracles. I tried that for a while."

Yes, ACIM. First of the year I will be doing the lessons again.

[dragonfly]