On 2005-10-21 11:19:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Sorry if I sound psycho about John how he listened to our sexual histories. I just want to make it clear that it really disgusted me having to retell him and about 34 other people about my private body parts and how other people touched me etc. I have never had to do something so strange. I honestly felt like I was being manipulated to tell every detail and having tom make up things to satisfy John when he said my sexual history wasn't long enough. Also when he asked me if I was sexually attracted to girls or other male staff at the school. Some things are supposed to keep to ourselves. invading my privacy. I felt so violated. I am currently seeking a therapist to help me through all of this.
"
Exactly!! I hear ya...therapy for 'therapuetic' experience- oh the irony...Really htere is so much to cover about MMS that was so 'psuedo- therapuetic' its hard to know where to begin. I wrote about my experience, (it's linked here:
http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?to ... forum=38&2 ) but so much was left out, like the point you make about the invasiveness of sexual histories- the detial, the constant confession ('disclosing') of sexual fantatasies. Also, I'm gay and there was an element in all that of demonizing sexual desire- and not just on a same-sex basis. Oh and the having to lie b/c John insisted on not being honest- virtually all my sexual molestation story was made up...something invasive has happen, but no to the degree I made it sound- but John was not satisfied with the truth. The whole sex thing was really creepy, I thought...lasting ill effects for sure.
Did you also find MMS made you regress? just the weird 'inner child' stuff that was popular for John while I was there- but it was equally creepy. I regressed into this almost infant like state- of course you weren't allowed to think critically, that was bad enough, but there was this whole emphasis...on acting like a kid b/c, as I understood the justification, maybe some of us were abused and didn't get a childhood so we should act like it out at school, where it was 'safe' (lol). I mean, everything was so absurd and inherently contradictory about his methods, but that stood out to me as almost the most damaging part that is so hard to explain. Not only was I a raw nerve when I left, I was oddly in this helpless infant-like state...anyone know what I'm mean?
[ This Message was edited by: katfish on 2005-10-21 13:34 ]