Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.


Topics - Paul St. John

Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 ... 6
16
Daytop Village / Disbelief
« on: June 05, 2010, 12:50:00 AM »
I was only there 6 months.  I left there feeling terrible.  I could not believe what I had witnessed.  I couldn t believe that I had spent time occupying the same space as these people.

I could not believe how full of shit the counselors were. I could not believe how parents bought into it. It's all in the name of a cause.  It amazed me how taken people could be with it all.

I could not believe how easily most of the kids were crushed and sold out.  I could not believe the way they went after one another, and attacked each other, just as they had been attacked.

the whole thing... time after time, I watched people break.. I could not believe how weak they were.. how easily broken...

I would walk and look at the people in the hall who had been there for awhile.  They had no life in their eyes.  They had all the right things to say, and functioned perfectly, in the program environment, but they were dead inside, and did not even pretend otherwise.

They were their death proudly.  I watched brave people turned timid, and smart people turn dumb.

I wanted my freedom back so badly.  I feared that someday, they may break me. How long could I hold on?

Towards the end of my 6 months stay, something happened that I never would have believed possible.  I started seriously considering.  I could not let these people have me.. I would not become one of them..
That was a low point in my life.. I could not believe that I was considering suicide.  How did all this happen so fast?

I was there 6 moths.  I should have been "Expediter" or at least, " strength", but I had not even made out of "inductions", to be a full-fledged general worker.
It looked like I would be there forever.

One of the guys there, could see in more, that I was losing it.  I was having trouble holding it together inside, so he figured he would make a score for himself, and said," Paul you have guilt.  We both know it."

This was the first time, I ever dropped guilt, without being forced.  Most of the kids dropped it every single day.  I never did.  I use to say that I would feel guilty about claiming to be guilty about things that I am not.

He saw ripe for the picking.  I said, " you know what.. i m gonna hook you up man.. I got a ton of guilt.  "

They probably got a dozen sentences out of me in 6 months of my staying there, guiltwise.

That day, I gave the aspiring coordinator 3 pages of guilt, and my last line was, " IF I am not out of here within a week, I will plunge a knofe through my chest."

i wasn t the type to fuck around, and they took me seriously.  They sent me to the one actual psychologist in the entire building, and she determined that I was not fucking around.  I was losing it.

See, it was staring to look all to easy to give in, and every so often, I would fantasize about it, and that scared the shit out of me. the way that I thought back then, was that I would be better off dead, then to be one of them.

I was out in 2 days.  I may have told some of this here b4. I am not sure.

Paul St. John

PS I wasn t perfect but I didn t deserve this and neither did any of those other kids.

17
Danny I will bust you up, you lil pussy!

LMAO!

18
The Drama Box / Danny Boy.
« on: June 04, 2010, 03:59:51 PM »
Re: Four Winds Hospital in Katonah NY
by DannyB II Fri Jun 04, 2010 11:46 pm

Danny Says:
Paul you keep confirming to me precisely why I think you are not qualified to be in any of these discussions with me. You can not read and comprehend my posts and your judgments of me just overtake your sense of thought.

----------------------------------------------------------------

To which I respond:

No... You just can't respond to anything reasonable.. Anything that requires you to actually come out and say what you are saying. You prefer to argue. You have no foundation, though, so you cannot defend anything you say, once it is put to even the least amount of scrutiny. I am wrong sometimes, Danny.. but I ll admit it if shown.. and I ll live with it too.. because people make mistakes... they even fuck up words like ,"wane".
Not Qualified? Who the fuck do you think you're fooling dumbass.?

----------------------------------------------

Danny had also said:

No your not Lill` idiot qualified to say anything because you have nothing. You say I argue, hmmm.....I put out on this thread my reasons for backing off Sad. Read my posts.....dumbfuck.



I will say this one more time for you lill`idiot.

------------------------------------------

Which I did not particularly like, so I said:

Watch what you call me Danny.. I warned you before.. I will bust you up right on these fucking boards.

----------------------------------------------------------


But now this is my favorite part.  Out of the whole thing that I wrote Danny only replies to the above with :

"Listen you little twat you will not do a damn thing so STFU, Lill`idiot."

Out of my whole message, and there was still more, this is all that Danny replies to which bring us back to:



]No... You just can't respond to anything reasonable.. Anything that requires you to actually come out and say what you are saying. You prefer to argue. You have no foundation, though, so you cannot defend anything you say, once it is put to even the least amount of scrutiny.


And so now my response to danny's single sentence response, to my mini essay..

Little twit  huh?  Ya know.. No matter how many times you say something, it doesn t make it true.. I m really not all that little and I am certainly not a twit.  I am far more man then you, and I have had much less time to practice...

Paul

19
The Troubled Teen Industry / I knew a kid...
« on: June 03, 2010, 02:01:58 PM »
I knew all sorts of kids growing up..

I knew of kids who would wear all black and talk about death all the time.. I knew a few classified by many as suicidal.

I knew kids who did massive amounts of drugs....

I knew kids who got into fights all the time.. I m trying not be too specific here, but I have over like 20 people in mind....

I knew people who had no friends, and were always by themselves...

All these people had parents who stuck with them, and did not send them away.  They are successful today.. Very many of them are artists.. Some are not artists, but work in the art field.  One is a pro-fighter.  Some of these people's parents has been urged to send them here or there, but they didn t.

All these people, in the end, grew up, went into society, and turned what was unique about them, into a benefit.  I can only imagine if they were put into programs that told them that their identity is actually just an image, and then had that "image" systematically broken down.

I also know a lot of people who did go to programs, and for all of them, it is an issue. It's like a thing that never goes away.. a point in time stolen from a person's life, surrounded by people who actually are in fact, indeed brain-washed, and who would like nothing better then for you to join them.

Now, I am just trying to widen perspective here.  Of course, not every thing works out great just by letting things run their course. I also know of far more people then I would like who never seen their 30's.  Ironically, none of them were ever recommended for a program to the best of my knowledge.

Paul

20
Feed Your Head / "Evil"
« on: May 31, 2010, 03:24:41 PM »
This is a really good movie if anybody wants to check it out.  It's called, " Evil", and it's I think, Swedish subtitles.

It's about a kid who gets into trouble a lot at school.  He's mostly lashing out as a resuylt of getting his ass kicked all the time by his mom's mate.  Anyhow, he starts out seeming like a dickhead.  he gets sent to one of these fucked up boarding schools.  They send him there as a last resort. Everybody's pretty much counted the guy out.

The story goes on from there .. but it shows what goes on in some of these places.  There is even a "ring" sort of thing, and the kid ends up actually being the hero of the story.  It's actually one of my favorite movies.  It really is a good story.  The funny thing is the kid does end up experiencing personal growth, but not by using the program, but by fighting it, and through his association with other decent people there.

The story is cool.. the ending's really cool.

... and it kinda illustrates, in my opinion, between being good at core, but having some issues, and real evil.

Even if I had never heard of any of these places, I still think this would be one of my favorite movies.  

For me, it was a feel-good movie.

One of the coolest things, too, is that it's actually based on a true  story, and it is written and directed by the main character, Eric Ponti.

The place where he went was a lil' different from the ones spoken about here.  It doesn't seem to be geared towards drug-users, and it was more academic- more of a school.. But the dynamic is the same.

A hierarchy of students and members rule, and have all sorts of pointless techniques to break people.
In the end, the hero of the story, Ponti.. just wins out on so many different fronts.. It gives a real sense of justice.  Also, throughout, the way he deals with the attempts to break him are pretty cool, too.  Straight and to the point, cutting right through the bullshit.
It's funny how this cat Ponti, hoes in as an actual violent bully, but even he cannot stomach that sort of bullying.  His character is too strong for it.

Even if the place ya went t was much worse, or not as bad, it's a cool story.. I really liked it.

Paul

21
Daytop Village / Who's Got the Answer?
« on: June 20, 2009, 04:30:30 PM »
Anyone been to a T.C. (therapeutic community)?

I attended one called Daytop for a shot while when I was 16, as I got caught going to school a bit inebriated..lol..( hey, I was young)
Anyhow, I was very suprised by the things that went on in this place. To me it seemed like a cult. I've spent some time looking around the net and found that there are a lot of TC's. Some are "Straights", "Elan", and there are a bunch of others, and they all seem to have some really messed up practices- most worst then Daytop. I was just wonderring if anyone else had had bad experiences with a TC.


This question is on Yahoo Answers at :  http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index ... 806AA2VC8Y


Here is a good opportunity for anyone who wants to to tell a bit about their experience and put it in a place where other people who are looking for answers about TCs will find it.  let's say that you were considerring going putting your child in a TC, so you go to yahoo answers and search the questions.. Sure enough this question comes up, along with a bunch of answers about the horrors that people have experienced.  You still gonna send your kid.. At the very least think twice.


If you have a yahoo e-mail , or are a part of any yahoo message group, you can sign in to yahoo answers.  If you wish to be anonymous, you can make up a yahoo ID just for this purpose. It only takes about 5 minutes.

You dont have to go into extreme details.  I think it is a good idea to include the name of the program in your answer.

Paul

22
Elan School / Who's Got the Answer?
« on: June 20, 2009, 04:29:26 PM »
Anyone been to a T.C. (therapeutic community)?

I attended one called Daytop for a shot while when I was 16, as I got caught going to school a bit inebriated..lol..( hey, I was young)
Anyhow, I was very suprised by the things that went on in this place. To me it seemed like a cult. I've spent some time looking around the net and found that there are a lot of TC's. Some are "Straights", "Elan", and there are a bunch of others, and they all seem to have some really messed up practices- most worst then Daytop. I was just wonderring if anyone else had had bad experiences with a TC.


This question is on Yahoo Answers at :  http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index ... 806AA2VC8Y


Here is a good opportunity for anyone who wants to to tell a bit about their experience and put it in a place where other people who are looking for answers about TCs will find it.  let's say that you were considerring going putting your child in a TC, so you go to yahoo answers and search the questions.. Sure enough this question comes up, along with a bunch of answers about the horrors that people have experienced.  You still gonna send your kid.. At the very least think twice.


If you have a yahoo e-mail , or are a part of any yahoo message group, you can sign in to yahoo answers.  If you wish to be anonymous, you can make up a yahoo ID just for this purpose. It only takes about 5 minutes.

You dont have to go into extreme details.  I think it is a good idea to include the name of the program in your answer.

Paul

23
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Who's Got the Answer?
« on: June 20, 2009, 04:27:53 PM »
Anyone been to a T.C. (therapeutic community)?

I attended one called Daytop for a shot while when I was 16, as I got caught going to school a bit inebriated..lol..( hey, I was young)
Anyhow, I was very suprised by the things that went on in this place. To me it seemed like a cult. I've spent some time looking around the net and found that there are a lot of TC's. Some are "Straights", "Elan", and there are a bunch of others, and they all seem to have some really messed up practices- most worst then Daytop. I was just wonderring if anyone else had had bad experiences with a TC.


This question is on Yahoo Answers at :  http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index ... 806AA2VC8Y


Here is a good opportunity for anyone who wants to to tell a bit about their experience and put it in a place where other people who are looking for answers about TCs will find it.  let's say that you were considerring going putting your child in a TC, so you go to yahoo answers and search the questions.. Sure enough this question comes up, along with a bunch of answers about the horrors that people have experienced.  You still gonna send your kid.. At the very least think twice.


If you have a yahoo e-mail , or are a part of any yahoo message group, you can sign in to yahoo answers.  If you wish to be anonymous, you can make up a yahoo ID just for this purpose. It only takes about 5 minutes.

You dont have to go into extreme details.  I think it is a good idea to include the name of the program in your answer.

Paul

24
The Troubled Teen Industry / Who's got the answer?
« on: June 20, 2009, 04:26:12 PM »
Anyone been to a T.C. (therapeutic community)?

I attended one called Daytop for a shot while when I was 16, as I got caught going to school a bit inebriated..lol..( hey, I was young)
Anyhow, I was very suprised by the things that went on in this place. To me it seemed like a cult. I've spent some time looking around the net and found that there are a lot of TC's. Some are "Straights", "Elan", and there are a bunch of others, and they all seem to have some really messed up practices- most worst then Daytop. I was just wonderring if anyone else had had bad experiences with a TC.


This question is on Yahoo Answers at :  http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index ... 806AA2VC8Y


Here is a good opportunity for anyone who wants to to tell a bit about their experience and put it in a place where other people who are looking for answers about TCs will find it.  let's say that you were considerring going putting your child in a TC, so you go to yahoo answers and search the questions.. Sure enough this question comes up, along with a bunch of answers about the horrors that people have experienced.  You still gonna send your kid.. At the very least think twice.


If you have a yahoo e-mail , or are a part of any yahoo message group, you can sign in to yahoo answers.  If you wish to be anonymous, you can make up a yahoo ID just for this purpose. It only takes about 5 minutes.

You dont have to go into extreme details.  I think it is a good idea to include the name of the program in your answer.

Paul

25
Daytop Village / Daytop doesn't deserve to exist
« on: February 09, 2006, 07:16:00 PM »
Daytop facilities do not deserve to exist on this planet and it would be a benefit to all if they simply ceased.  their ideas and practices are falsely-based, and destructive, leading to the harming of innocent children, and their mere existence is in essence stolen from the people of a country to whom they claim to be of such immense benefit.

     You can only help a drug addicted individual.  You cannot help a "drug addiction epidemic".  In Daytop, the emphasis is on the good and well-being of the the clan, referred to as the "family"- not the individual.  A person who possesses somehing in Daytop, for example, that majority does not, will often be confronted with an idea such as, " Do you think it is fair that you have this or that and the family does not?"  In addition, any person or groups of persons feelings in the facility, always takes value over another person's thoughts or reality, leaving the individual always subject to the whim of the family, with no means of self-defense.  The group, also, is often used as leverage against the individual, by the counselors, to pressure the individual into a state of obedience, expressed in the Daytop motto, " Drug Addicts Yeild to Positive Peer Pressure".  While Daytop clearly favors the idea of the group over the the honorring and acknowledging of the actual individuals who make up the group, common sense dictates that you cannot help an individual through ideaology and techniques that attack and deny the individual at the source.

     In order for a person to grow and heal, the person must be given the opportunity to express one's self.  Daytop's mode of treatment is geared not towards fopisterrinf self-expression, but rather it's antipode, self-submission.  daytop faculty are not interested in a client's expression of self, and in fact, consider it superfluous.  humiliating tactics are used, instead, to a person's expression of self and bring the person to a state of submission and brokeness.  Futhermore, a person is literally not allowed to talk about their experience with drugs, or what drugs meant to them, unless it is expressed in negative terms.  In essense, that part of the person submits and is counted out of the equation.  Sexual expression is strongly forbidden and to even have a sexual feeilng or thought for another member of the "family" is punished, and often degradingly so, leading to such experiences being quickly self-denied os psychologically repressed by the client.  Expression leads to life, and submission leads to death- with or without drugs.  In this respect Daytop chooses death over life.

     The majority of the time, a person knows in their mind that giving into a drug is wrong.  It is a person's giving in to their emotions over their better judgemnet that leads that leads them to get trapped into an addiction.  Daytop's methods model the supremacy of emotions over reason.  Long groups are held all day encouraging endless, bottomless conversations about the client's feelings, giving no attention to the client's thoughts or ideas, which are considerred to be a part of the person's "image", worthy only of being "broken".  As further example, if a client does something out of character, considerred wrong by program standards, or wrong in general, such will be forgiven if it is deemed that the person was "having feelings".  having thoughts, on the other hand, is scorned, and often punishable until the thought is changed.  For a person to overcome an addiction, without taking a worse problem on, the mimd must be strengthened, and emotions controlled.  daytop's practices, in essence drown the mind within the emotions.

     The result of Daytop's practices are what one might expect them to be.  the majority of youths who enter Daytop happy, confident, and honest, leave miserable, confused, and dishonest.  Paranoia, self-doubt, and mindless obedience are rampant in the facility and pretty much run the program according to what it is, or to paraphrase a govt' child welfare org., referring to a Daytop off-shoot, " These kids were as mindless automations, pleasing their masters".

     So what keeps Daytop in business?  It is simple.  Government intervention.  Daytop takes in more then half of their money from gevernment sources and still to this day pleads for and more or less demands more.  This not only keeps Daytop in business, even if they had almost no client's at all, it also makes it nearly impossible for competent people and companies in their line of service to compete.  How do you out-advertise a company who has so much unearned money consistantly thrown into it's system.  It is possible, but nearly not so.  Enough to discourage and often defeat others.

    So you see, daytop, first steals business from the true proffessional, opportuinty for a for a better society for us all, and money from the tax-payer, in order to create it's existence.  They then steal the light in our children's eyes, the mechanics of their minds, and time of their life, in order to perpetuate and continue it's existence.  It just gos to show you that if your philosophy is that of a theif, everything you do will involve theivery and perhaps even your mere existence.  The theif that is Daytop, steals far more then nearly all other theives, throughout history, and therefore this planet would not only get by alright without Daytop, but benefit immensely by it's disappearance.


Paul St. John

( it's nothing personal.  it just is)

27
Daytop Village / The Downward Shit-hole
« on: January 24, 2006, 06:26:00 PM »
It's just not real.  It's easy to forget that while in there, and you I can't completly hold that against anyone.  the problem is taht a treatment method that is structured around non-reality can only prepare a person for further excursions into non-reality.

I mentioned in an earlier post that I can't remember a single mention of the word "discipline", while in daytop.  That is pretty odd in a place that is said to be designed to help teens get off drugs and regain control of their lives.  The reason that daytop's program model does not emphasize discipline or even require it is that they would would really prefer a client not have it.  They want a client to listen and obey.  It is not based on the individual.  The premise itself is wrong and sometimes can even get out of control and suck all the occupants into a violent herd mentality.

Even to merely get be in Daytop, one has to start developing a politicain-sort personality.To rise in the ranks, one must become a master politicain, and it must be as second nature to them.  You can watch the progression of a child in Daytop.  You will notice that become on-guard, and even paranoid.  they lose a lot of their optimisim, and many even sink into silent helplessness.  Thye begin to develop a habit of self-doubt.  their values shift.  They become tricky, and evasive... preachy, and non-sensical.
This does not just describe the obvious victims, but also those who seem to thrive within the Daytop structure.

Encounter groups were scary to me.  they showed me everything that I did not like about life.  It wqas a mess.  It was a horrid mess.  I witnessed more forms of psychological disorders on display those groups then I can count.

The irresponsponsiblity of the counselors in those groups was blatant and obvious.  For example, there was a rule that noone was to be "rat-packed" ( Violently attcked verbally by many members at once) in those groups, but in practice it only applied to those who were good program people.

The weak and/or the strong were attacked by many consistently and all at once, and the counselors would just sit back and bask in the handy work of their hench men.  Many times I watched people brought to hysterics, and even complete emotional breakdowns, but taht did not stop the attacks.  It only fueled the fire and brought them on stronger.. shit like.. " Stop crying you fucking baby", yelled by many at a peircing volume.  It was almost as if the members were literally trying to kill the person through words.. and in a way they were.

There were two types of people who were attacked.. those too soft or weak to defend themselves, and those of conviction, strength, and individuality. Those were the qualities they were trying to destroy in the other person.. Sense of self and vulnerability.  they were literally trying to killl those parts of a person, just as they had had to kill them in themselves in order to survive while in Daytop, or for som4e perhaps even earlier in their lives.  They wanted to kill it in them, so they no longer had to see it, and remember what they had lost.

Counselors just sat back and enjoyed,and even scolded members who would run out of the room, and send her/his attackers after the victim to bring them back.  I saw one girl who took a real beating.  When she ran out of that room, it was like she did't even know where she was.  Something in her just told her to flee.  I swear to you..  They kept breaking her down further, and further, til she seemed to be nothing in that moment but pure survival instincts.  She was a girl who wanted the best of life.  the others girls seen that in her, and they had a feast.  This is one event.  Similar things happened all the time to many others.  I am so sorry that that happened to her, and the others.

To all who have taken on such a beating in an encounter group, and fought with their best, I offer you my highest of praise.

Paul

28
Daytop Village / More Paintings that Leave Little Question
« on: January 23, 2006, 06:24:00 PM »
I've changed the names in the sories below.
For the record, none of them are me.



Coordinator: Julia Connoly
- a theif- stole from people while in Daytop
- A bully   - angry and stubborn
- A well known liar


No Status( Often Shot down): Bill Moranis
- a nice kid    -an overall honest guy
- Intelligent - never attacked anybody, but always defended himself

Daytop is society on drugs.
Backwards and unearthly.

It turns people's minds against themselves, making a person their own enemy, but also their own greatest controller.

The more you watch, The more you start to see. They steal from others and give to themselves.

They are not capable of making a genuine living, and so must steal one.



Sam Jordan-
Drank 'Christ's Blood' at easter mass with family.
Got screamed at by about a dozen different people in front of a crowd of over fifty.

He then was given the assignment to write an essay about how wrong he was in hios actions, and read it to the entire 'family', along with an apology to the 'family'.  It was never asked if he actually thought he was wrong, but he did indeed comply.  Where had his mind been changed?  I talked to him before the public humiliation, and he didn' think that he was wrong.  Could it be that he had suirrendered to the threat of further humiliation, and so agreed, and carried out the actions of first renouncing his own self on paper, and then publicly renouncing himself before the etire 'famil'.

Daytop considerred it a 'cleansingf'.

I considerred it 'disgusting'.


Chad Zackarocki-

A nerdy sort of guy, who was very honest, and had a good conscious.  I liked him.  For the most part, he did what he was told, but having a strong beleif in Christain ethics, always stayed midway in status.  He was pretty obedient, but did not have it in him to be an ambitious bullshit artist.  I swear he took all the good out of Christianity, and made it his moral code.

He had gotten into an argument with his mother who had told Daytop.  I do not know what the argument was about, but surely he did not mean to harm his mother in anyway, and had noticed he had seemed upset about something.  He really was a good kid.

Daytop's Response-

Chad had to scrub every garbage can in the facility 'til they were clean, throughout the whole morning meeting.  It wasn't until he finally broke down hysterically crying, that anyone inquired if anything was botherring him.  Until then everyone just soaked in the scene in morbid enjoyment.

Are humiliation and degredation really a productive form of treatment?  He was never even asked what the argument is about.  Maybe he was in the right, or maybe something had been botherring him that led to the argument..  When all is said and done, it is not even their business, which is why I never even asked, even tyhough I was curious.  But if you are going to be judge, jury, and executioner, it would help to have some of the fact.. Hell, maybe, even at least one fact, but no.. As they beleive in Daytop, that they are above reality.

and when mom says, " I am paying good money, and my child, still doesn t agree with everything I say, rather then act with consciousness, they act with haste, to keep mom hapopy, and the cash coming.  they don t care what the fight was about.  Chad was gonna learn his lesson.

So when mom says, " I'm paying you for a perfect son.", Daytop says," Cahd, you better break, or we will break you!"

It's not psychology.  It is bullying.
It's not therapy.  It's conquerring.

If I was in their place, I might not hace suspected that the actual problem might have been with Chad's mom.  Afterall, if you are to assume the role of a responsible advocate for child welfare, a little responsibility wouldn't hurt.

But put simply," THEY COULD CARE LESS ABOUT THE WELFARE OF A CHILD.  THEY CARE ABOUT THEIR PAYCHECK, and that's it! "

How hard of a job is bullying and conquerring really?  You just keep thinking of more and more fucked up things to do to a person, until a person fibnally gives way.  The person is a sitting duck.  they cannot leave.

Compare this to the world of actually creating something, and the difficulties, and effort involed in actually doing something productive, and beneficail.  Yet somehow, they have so thoroughly pulled the wool over everybody's eyes, that they are veiwed as saints, benefactors of society, and athorities to all.

-The mailman or the engineer is just another cog in the machine, but conselors answer a "calling".
They are specail people, who give up their own lives to help others. -

 I think people some times forget that these counselors are being paid.  They didn't give up shit.  they are taking an easy way through life, and many teens, myself included, had to pay the price fopr their laziness, and society's ignorance.

Drugs do their damage slow.  Daytop does it's damage swiftly.  Drug usage is a choice.  daytop treatment is suually forced.  A person can choose to stop doing drugs, while person usually cannot leave Daytop..

People say drugs leave you powerless.  Bullshit.  A person always has the power to change or continue in their current direction.. whatever they opt.  But a person has very little power to do anything at all of will, when in living a totalitarian structure such as Daytop.

For me, Daytop was hell.  I fought each day to maintain my  idea of self, and my convictions, but as a result I can tell the story better then any former Daytopian,whom I have met so far.(Not to say noone can, but just that I have yet to meet anyone who has as of yet.)
 At the time I seemed a glutton for punishment but today I am more then happy that I persevered.

I never accepted that it was my fault, or that I belonged there.

Paul St. John

29
Daytop Village / What Lynn Teaches Us About Daytop
« on: January 21, 2006, 04:14:00 PM »
I remember this one time after a few months after I got out of Daytop,I was working for this catering company and we were selling food at this L.I. Health fair.  This was a nice sized fair.  Pretty much every organisation on Long Island who has a claim to understanding some aspect of health or another was there.  Usually when we take on decent fair or festival, we would be one of many food providers, but but we had this one exclusive.  It was a coll situation we did there, and we did good busioness.  In the past, the fair committee would usually used companies who specailised in health food.  We were far from specailised in health food, but we got in.

  When I first got there, I noticed that Daytop had itself a booth, but I didn t see anyone there.

Later that day, we had a huge rush.  We had only two people manning the counter, with only myself on the grill.  I was working as fast as I could.  I see on the line, Lynn, a girl whom I had went to Daytop with.She sees me too, and I get the sense that she is feeling excited inside about something in a very smug way.  

When she gets up to the frontI try to be both nice, and polite, but also stay focussed on my job and keep the line moving.  

" Hey Lynn.  Hw ya' doin?"

 " Hi Paul"  She has a devious grin, like she has me beat at something, but I never realised we were competing at anything.  It was nice to see her and the day goes on.

I ignore her grin and say courteously, " Can I get ya something, Lynn?"

She places her order.

While I'm preparing her food, I say, " So how's everything goin'?  You here as a Daytop representative?"

"Yeah", says Lynn

Her devious, boldness seems to be growing within her.

I ignore it further, and continue on.

"Wow", I said. " You must be a coordinator by now."

LOL!  Now the bitch looks at me all proud, and I swear her body language and overall demeanor convey that she thought I should be scared of her, as she said " Yes.", and then continued," Are you still clean?"

Being that I had a line of health fanatics and as I explained earlier this was a good gig for us, I gave her a quick, " Yes."

I was actually lying.  I had went back to drinking in the evenings, I did not consider it her or anyone else's business.

As I handed her her food, she just stood there looking at me with this smile, like she knew I was lying.  I could see her attempts to look through me, as I waitied for her to leave, so I oculd help the next customer.

lol.. She just stood there, like waiting for me to cop to my gu9ilt or something.

I wanted to say, " Get off my line you crazy bitch!"

Again, it was against all odds, that we got this gig, and I had top be proffessional.  So instead, I just took the order of the person behind her, and sain good-bye to her.  She said good-bye in her smug way, and walked away looking like she was floating in a cloud...so happy, and so proud, as in her mind, she had just beat me in some way.

I remember thinking to myself, " That cloud isn't real, Lynn, and it's gonna burst on ya one of these days."

My employer's girl said to me," I can't beleive what that bitch just did.  What the hell was that?"  ( She couldn't beleive what she had just witnessed.  I explained a little about Daytop to her later, and my life went on.

Lynn, on the hand, probably spent much of her time tormented by self-doubt and low self-esteem, no matter hpw much the program was on her side and told her that she was right.

It was not lost on me that I was providing a valuable service both to the many hungry people at the fair and my employer, Lynn was doing Public Relations for as company that fucks the minds of youths(probably just reciting rhetoric, and making shit up as she went all day), and yet she felt she had a god-given right to cause me harm.  To her if I was not a sober Daytop person, I was not a person at all and all other attributes of my character were null and void.

Something that they never taught at daytop was that destruction is always destruction no matter what cause you do it in the name of.

For an alread destructive girl, like Lynn, Daytop just gives a new medium through which to be destrcutive, pat her on the back, and send her on her way.  Such a person becomes more destructive then ever, as now they feel that they are justified and right, and are consistently encouraged to continue in this direction, and as well are rewarded for it.

Such a person has been sober for a year, but such a person is hardly a person anymore.

Paul St. John

30
Daytop Village / At Core: Too Much Ado About Nothing
« on: January 18, 2006, 03:26:00 PM »
At Core: Too Much Ado About Nothing


Daytop was created by a Monsignor from Brooklyn.  He would send youths to the synanon, which he believed in strongly, for addictions. ( mostly heroine addictions)
When the synanon was shut down, and it?s organizer were arrested for conspiracy to commit murder, the monsignor responded ny creating his own program based on the synanon.  That program was Daytop.

The syanon was an extremely violent, vulgar, and abhorrent organization.  Such a place is not the type of place that most would expect a monsignor to condone, and one might ask why a seemingly well intentioned Monsignor would not only send youths to such a place, but also create his own off-shoot in it?s absence.

The answer to this question is the key to Daytop.  To understand a system, you must go back to it?s source.  If you want to understand the actions of a Nazi, understand Hitler.

The answer is this:

Although, he may not have agreed with all aspects of the synanon, at the time there were almost no treatments for heroine addicts available for heroine addicts.  Society, as a whle, quite simply, couldn?t care less about them.  When the monsignor saw a person become addicted to heroine, more often then not, they ended up dead, basically living dead..  the monsignor felt he had no alternative, and right here is where the monsignor created an idea that is the backbone of Daytop philosophy today.  It is the rationalization, and justification for al the wrongs perpetrated against individuals within the walls of a Daytop center today, no matter how wrong these wrong may be at any time.  

The idea the monsignor came up with, and which is the foundation of Daytop today is:

If one does drugs, one will end up dead, and so any action against another in an attempt to get them sober or keep them sober, that does not actually the person is always okay and even warranted.

His error in judgement started it all.

To them:

   Sobriety= Life

It is an absolute in the minds.

Also, being that a person is a drug user, the person?s life is nullified before they even walk in the door.

In their view, a client would be dead, if not for them, and so ought have nothing to say on any matter.  In their veiw, it is entirely within their rights to bring a client within inces of their death in a quest for sobriety, ands so long as the client does not actually die, their actions are both moral and just.

What about human rights?

What about the fact that drug usage is not the only thing in the world that can kill a person?

What about the right of the individual to either live or die on his/ her own terms?

What about the reality that the ends do not justify the means?

What about the fact that not all drug users will die form their drug usage in the near future?

What about the user who would probably quit on their own in the very near future?


.. and here do they get the right to decide that a person should be sober, or even that a person should live.  How did they obtain this authority over others?


Even if their ideas that [ Drugs=Death], and [ Sobriety= Life], they would still be grossly wrong for their actions.

( It is senseless. ? Sobriety? is the higher power because it equals life, and so it is always right.  Sobriety is good as a constant, so let?s achieve sobriety at the cost of life.  Let?s achieve life at the cost of life)

But besides the idea that they would be wrong anyway, the whole idea itself is based on a fallacy.

When I was in daytop, they often said ? Notice, you never see or hear about a forty year old drug user, and that is because they are all dead, and if not dead, then they are homeless, or in jail?

I must say that I don?t know what world they live in, because, here on this planet, I know, personally, more people then I can count who are in their 40?s, and beyond, who use some type pf drug, or another, are very much alive and healthy, have very nice homes, making far more money then a Daytop counselor, and are not in jail, and most of whom never have been in jail.  As many people as I know personally, I know of probably thousand times more people who fit this category.  I think we all do.

So really what?s all the here and now, life or death in this second fuss about?

Paul St. John

Life is versatile.  These maniacs need to chill.

Daytop is like living inside the head of a person who is having a perpetual panic attack.

Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 ... 6