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Messages - beckyuga

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Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / People from St. Pete program
« on: April 30, 2006, 06:44:00 PM »
Yes, my name is Becky.
Thanks, Anne Bonney, for the info you gave me on some of the people I asked about.
Stephanie was from Ft. Lauderdale or something like that.  She was pretty young.  
I saw Steve Mead's picture on a Dept. of Correction's website.  Pretty sickening.  But I guess technically it could be any one of us who has ever driven a car after drinking.   Still sickens me every time I think of it.
I'm really having a hard time with all of this right now.  
For some reason, don't ask why, because I don't fucking know, but I have just NOW come to the conclusion that I am a victim of abuse.  I am overwhelmed with so much.  Trying to remember, trying to get more info, trying to find out what to do next.......
One thing about FL....I only remember the good things....or semi-pleasant things.....for some reason I don't remember many bad things.  I only remember the people I liked.  I only remember 1 staff member.  I only remember the beautiful sunsets and sunrises that I occasionally saw.  I remember one wonderful outing on someone's dad's sailboat with several other people.  I remember I didn't want to leave the St. Pete program.  I do know there were some bad things that happened in group, but there is some block there. I just can't remember the specifics right now.   I remember this general feeling of fear at one point like things were really serious for some reason.  Letha was on staff.  This was in 85-86.  I remember all of us being set back once.  I remember just trying to stay meek and humble and not call attention to myself.

Does anyone remember Derek and Dana(?) from Mississippi?  Their father had access to a cabin in the mountains (maybe near Gatlinburg?) that was really cool!  I can't remember if it was 7th steppers or 5th phasers or what.....but we went up there on a "retreat".  The black executive staff member (whose name I would love to remember because I actually liked this person...but I can't remember it) was with us.  I remember the blond girl from Huntsville (we listened to Loverboy all the time) and Nancy Ellman and Derek and Dana and not sure who else went.  Does anyone remember this?

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Who was the worst staff and why?
« on: April 29, 2006, 01:05:00 AM »
There was a staff member in Atlanta named Steve (?).  He was tall and had blondish hair and a sort of loud nasally voice (or at least to me he did).  I fucking hated him.  He was there around 1982 until whenever...I think he was on staff a long time.

I remember around 1993 or so Abby Orr organized a reunion at  Dave & Buster's and I went with Christine Robbins (who was in law school at GA State at the time).  I remember that guy Steve  and Tracy Sparks and Tammy Myers and Rick (can't remember his last name...begins with L?-He was from Mississippi and was friends with Dean Keenan) were there and they sort of stayed to themselves.  They all looked like they were still in the program.  I think they were still working there on staff or something.  (They started their programs in the 1981 time frame which means they were still involved in it after 10-12 years or so).  I can't remember much about that reunion and who was there -except that it was anticlimactic and basically sucked....but I have the idea in my head for some reason that Tammy Myers and Rick were married and Tracy Sparks and Steve were married.  Not sure if this is right.    
Anyway, that staff guy Steve in Atlanta was a fucking asshole bastard and I fucking bloody well hated him.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / People from St. Pete program
« on: April 28, 2006, 09:57:00 AM »
What about Stephanie Gertz(?)? Does that name ring a bell to anyone?  A young girl with long dark hair.  I hope she is OK.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / People from St. Pete program
« on: April 28, 2006, 01:05:00 AM »
Does anyone remember any of these people from St. Pete around 1985?  or know what has happened to them?
Letha Yost (staff)
Jennifer(?) Campbell (from Michigan...I think I saw her later in a magazine...she won a bikini contest for whichever beer it is that does bikini contests every year...Budweiser maybe?)
Tina ? (w/ straight brownish long hair...lived in an apt. w/ her mom)
Kay Irwin(?) (had brownish hair, had a brother also in the program)
Michele Embry
Mark (or Steve?) Mead (dark hair, dark tan)
or anyone else from St. Pete around 1985?
I remember we had a car wash when I was on 4th or 5th phase and someone called and complained about their car (or cars) not being clean and us goofing off and they demoted every one of us...knocked us all down a phase.  

And this person was not there in 1985, she was in St. Pete much earlier and then moved to the Atlanta program when it was formed and was on Jr. staff when her dad went to work at St. Pete around 1982 or 1983.....Peggy Oliver.  Does anyone know anything about her?  or even her father William (Bill) Oliver?

Does anyone from Atlanta around 1982-1984 remember a guy that was seriously mentally ill...I keep thinking his name was Todd?  He had no business there.  He was there as long as I was (like, 2 years or something before they let him out) and they said he was faking his mental illness.   He was the best damn faker I ever saw because every single day he was the same...he almost never complied.  His brain was seriously fried.
And wasn't there a guy who said he had sex with his dead grandmother?  or some dead body?  or something freaky weird like that?
And does anyone remember the name of the staff member in charge of 7th steppers and siblings in 1984?  He was a black guy.  I guess he was on executive staff.  I messed up and was sent to St. Pete right after he came, but I remember I liked him.  I can't remember his name.

Does anyone know what happened to any of the following people I remember from Atlanta?
Vanessa and Jessica Venes
Tracy Sparks
Carolyn Crockett (my FAVORITE oldcomer)
Abby Orr
Peggy Oliver
Patti Johnson

Does anyone know Michele Embry?  She was from New Mexico and went through the St. Pete program and then the Atlanta program.

Does anyone know Maria Looper?  I think she was from Gainesville and went into the Atlanta program.   Also Elizabeth Perry?

I know that Greg Page (also from Gainesville) was murdered in the 90s.  Can't remember the exact date.  He was shot by a jealous girlfriend.

Were the Newtons at St. Pete in 1984?

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / To All Straight Survivors
« on: January 30, 2003, 12:45:00 PM »
Just curious....why staff and not staff trainees?

I learned those things too.
Except that I think on some level I love confrontation.  I don't deliberately look for arguments; but I find that I'm always on "the other side" of anyones opinion or point.  If you say black, I say white -that kind of thing.  Even to the point that when I win someone over to my side, then I'll start arguing for the point they were arguing to begin with! (if that makes any sense)  
A lot of people are put off by me because I have strong opinions and I'm very blunt-I don't have a lot of tact or social grace.  I've always credited that part of me to Straight.
I used to take great pride in spitting out everything I thought.  I eventually learned my lesson very painfully.  Some things are best left unsaid.
As far as the self-degradation; I think that was drilled into my core being at Straight.  My first year of college I was bulimic and the campus health services had developed this extensive treatment plan for anorexics/bulimics.  Part of it was a battery of personality tests.  The doctors/psychologists/etc. on the team asked me if I had been sexually abused because I fit the profile of a sexual abuse victim.  I was never sexually abused and I always wondered about that.  Now I know that it is the feelings of deep self hatred and guilt and shame that I've carried since Straight.  Deep inside I think I'm nasty, dirty, etc. like I'm sure a sexual abuse victim would feel.
It has been a life long struggle for me to develop any inkling of self esteem -and I'm guessing it always will be. (but hey -nothing's impossible)

Atlanta people...
Do you remember a guy named Todd Lindsey (?) that misbehaved for like a year or so?  I think he was there 1982-1984; or maybe longer. I will never forget him or what he looked like because he always did some crazy things....I just can't remember what all he did.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / A New Topic
« on: January 19, 2003, 10:32:00 AM »
Thanks for your stories & your help-

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / A New Topic
« on: January 18, 2003, 12:54:00 PM »
I was looking through a list of drug treatment centers on the internet last night and I started to feel sick....especially when thinking of someone I knew that I recently found out is back on drugs/shooting up.
Over the Christmas holidays my younger brother told me he is shooting up.....and I felt that same sick feeling.
As far back as I can remember, whenever I hear of someone hooked, I get this empty, lonely, cold, SICK feeling deep in my gut.
I think its because I don't know the answers.  I don't know why some people get hooked & can't quit and others can.  I don't know why I was so rebellious and drank and got into trouble as a teen.....and why I used so many drugs after I left Straight.  I know many obvious reasons why I did some of those things (I think there are very few people who DIDN'T use drugs at some point after having been in Straight!); but I don't know what started it all for me and I don't know exactly what stopped it all for me.  My parents are good, well meaning people and I've always known they loved me.  I wasn't spoiled with a lot of riches....we didn't have any material wealth.  I wasn't abused.  I don't know exactly WHAT made me f*&#ed up.  
People have said to me before that I could help others using drugs, but at the thought of that I feel almost dead inside or something.....I just feel nothing....I'm at a total loss.  I can't explain it, I don't know why it happens, I don't know why some stop & others don't, I don't know what the answer is to any of it. It's been 20 years now that I've pondered this.
I've never mentioned it to anyone.  I've just always felt the sickness and wondered to myself.  I knew it would be pointless until now.  There's never been anyone that would even remotely understand what I'm talking about.
I didn't know what to say to my brother or what to offer him.  So I said nothing.  (What can I say?  What can I do?)  I just stood there and listened.  

I'm grateful to all of you for having these boards set up & posting on them.  I wish I had found them sooner.  (I guess we all do/will find them when its time for us.)

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Nineteen years ago today
« on: January 17, 2003, 04:53:00 PM »
I remember you very well...(I think -then again, I may have you confused with someone else).  The person I remember had very dark/black hair -their name is on the tip of my'll come to me eventually.  Did you like to listen to the Alan Parsons Project (I think that's the name).  Wasn't Margo Shive your foster sister for a while?  
Maybe I'm totally confused; sometimes my memories are a big jumble.

I aqree 100% with Fue and Clay.  
There really is nothing we can do to those responsible for abuses that we experienced many years ago.  (In my case, 20 years ago.)  And I don't really feel a need to make anyone pay for the things done to me personally.  But I do believe in doing something to close down any program that currently engages in the abuse of children.


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