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Messages - 85 Day Jerk

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I am litterally responding to my own post because I have absolutely nothing to say or comment or add to any of the other posts.  There was a protest at I guess was a KHK facility in some place called Milford Ohio, if I got it wrong it is because I don't even care enough to make sure I got it right.  Those kids do not affect me, I can't do anything to help them from where I am at.  They are going to have to get through it the same way that I got through it.  I mean, whats the point?  A few people carrying signs and yelling may have changed the way things are right there right now, but this
$4 dollar a gallon gas is changing much much more, in many many ways.

I notice there are far less one person vehicles on the road than just one month ago.  There are also less taxi's.  In the stores, especially grocery stores, people are leaving them pushing shopping carts that are filled to the brim.  You hardly see the harried husband type standing in line with just a box of Huggies and a gallon of milk anymore.  Now, people stock up because they wanna make their gas dollars count.  Where I live, the bullshit industries are hurting big-time.  The local Starbucks is changing it's hours, the tanning booth place is a ghost town.  The local L.A. Weight Loss center shut down and consolidated three counties worth of offices (5) into just one near Chattanooga.  Even the lonesome train whistles that used to sound so comforting late at night are happening with less frequency.  I personally feel that the remaining Straight Spin-Offs are gonna go the way of the old local Disco's.  They are gonna dry up and shut down, simply because people got more important things worry about than whether or not so and so's kid has a bad attitude.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Re: Brace yerselves, folks. . .
« on: July 15, 2008, 02:00:28 AM »
Here's my two cents worth.  Those who attended Straight in the 70's are now in their mid-forties and have pretty much reached closure.  We cannot share it with others or discuss it without losing people's focus.  Closure is a personal thing that has to be accomplished on an individual basis.  The victims of the godforsaken MILLER NEWTOWN REGIME are now in their early to late 30's and are still caught in the turmoil of repressed rage and hostility, and their past experiences  most likely surface in their day to day lives.  Ditto for those who attended Sarasota Straight, or any of the POST REAGAN YEARS Straight Spinoff programs.

We might as well lump it all into one ball of wax, because the candle it eventually will make will burn far longer than 5 or 6 individual candles all vying for the same attention, respect, and eventual closure.

On a personal level, I still would like to see how Straight affected the youth population of Pinellas County turned into a weekly Television Series, but I lost heart in it.  I did'nt care enough about it to make others sit up and take notice.  I was too terrified of rejection to reach out and contact potential supporters.  I did'nt think what I had to say would be good enough, or interesting enough.  What was I crazy?  I can start the opening episode with Gail Stevenson splitting from her oldcomer wearing nothing but underclothes and a bathrobe frantically beating on a stranger's door at 2 in the morning, being let in by kindhearted but thoroughly confused people, and when she is barely connected to a cry for help on their phone, three or four goons burst into the strangers living room and drag Gail out kicking and screaming.  That kind of drama beats the living shit out of "America's Got Talent"  or "Last Comic Standing."  I just need to find the right combination of stimulants and support.

Thanks Alex, as a matter of fact, I plugged my fat strat into my Frontman 25 and something amazing happened.  It played crisp and clean for the first time ever.  I mistakenly plugged the cord into the footswitch port and dislodged a stuck spring wire causing the switch to finally shut off all the way.  I had been playing it with an operating short for like the last two years and simply thought that the kids I bought it from had wore it out or something.  The amp was a steal at 35 dollars, and loud as hell and I had just put up with it as a simple quirk all that time.   I'm currently practicing a song for my church that's pretty cutting edge and was part of the movie called "Purgatory House"  a film about teenage suicide.

I pumped my first $4 a gallon gas today before heading to Chattanooga to visit my dad.  Back in 1978 we had a gas crisis of sorts and gas rose I guess a whole dollar more a gallon.  I'm not sure because I was on front row.  I remember that it was around 85 cents a gallon when I went in on June 16, and by my 90th day it had gone up to about $1.79 a gallon and people were freaking out.  The clients that lived farthest away like Land 'O Lakes, Sarasota, and Tampa did not have to come in after school and the fringe clients had all sorts of priveleges.  The gas situation led to what was later to be known as the "Tampa Screw-Up."  We had unsupervised clients back on drugs and coming into group high on Saturdays.  Once it came out, we lost about 90 clients damn near overnight and it led to wonderful new inventions such as "Open Meeting Review" which was about as bad as it could get.

In the world of the here and now, I am sorry for being away for so long, but I have been pretty busy.  I got laid off from my part time job in May and have been collecting unemployment.  Being on disability, I did not take getting a new job seriously and then Social Security decided to pull the rug out from under me.  I lost my benefits due to purposely botched paperwork starting July 3rd.  This came as a total surprise to me, and right in the middle of an apartment move.
Needless to say, I had a damn relapse and about lost my fucking mind.  Thoughts of suicide surfaced for the first time since the early 90's, and I lost 15 pounds from the move and the stress.  I've been scraping by and have most of my bills for this month paid for as well as a kitchen full of food.  I feel fortunate that I was able to keep the phone/DSL the same and they even waived the reconnect fee.  Ditto with the Cleveland Utilities and they even waived the deposit and actually refunded the first deposit.  This is unheard of.  I attended church heavily out of fear and a sense of hopelessness and my faith has been made alot stronger by the whole experience.  When it comes right down to it, I have had it fairly easy for a little too long really.  This kick in the ass has really woken me up and gave me the resolve to get the hell off Disability and get back to relying on myself.  I even started a side business venture to sell way-out bumper stickers, buttons, and refrigerator magnets, but it has not taken off like I had hoped.  I just have to hang in there and keep on plugging.  Anyone interested in buying some of my stock for gifts/gags/personal use below retail price can e-mail me at [email protected] and I will send you back an e-mail with some samples along with prices and you can go from there.  My business is called Trickbrain Gift Ideas and is licensed and I have a tax number.  I will only be making 50 cents or less profit per item, so please don't think I am using this forum for personal gain.  I made a sound business decision in some unsound times and its taken a huge bite outta my ass is all.  Thanks for your support,  Bob in Tennessee.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Re: Hello
« on: July 12, 2008, 05:37:29 AM »
Tampa Survivor is Old School.  I was in the old Milton Roy, then Morgan Yacht, and graduated a few months before the move to the Gandy facility.  Bill was in before me and most likely 'Stepped' from the program in the fall of 1978 or early Jan or Feb of 1979.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Re: St.Pete straight 1979
« on: March 01, 2008, 08:10:30 PM »
Sorry, it was getting late when I posted that.  The 'shattered' reference was implied for myself.  I held on the the beliefs and moral codes that were drilled into us longer than any of my friends.  They saw that I had bought into the program in order to become a part of my estranged father's household.  Even though he was MY dad, he sure as fuck was married to Mike and Scott Lavender's mother Carole.  Adopting the Mike and Scott and changing their names to Patterson only increased the intensity of the mind fuck for me.  I was a stranger in my own home, a stranger to St. Pete, and even a stranger to myself.  When it finally hit me that it all had been a bunch of bullshit all along and for nothing, that no matter what, I did'nt count unless I had a wallet full of money and voted Republican, I ended up having a complete and total full tilt boogie nervous breakdown with all the trimmings.  Robert Ward happened to be one of the good friends who saw it coming but did'nt really know how to cope with it.  I've managed to witness other people crack up over the years with my involvement with National Alliance for the Mentally Ill, and it is by no means a pleasant thing to experience.  I really have no clue how I must have come across to some of my friends back in those days, but they saw me stripped down to the raw animal basics of my self.  I know that I can be extremely and devastatingly blunt to people when my mind aint right.  I know I said a lot of cruel things to people, but my brakes were out and I was going downhill full throddle back then.  One thing I do remember is coming up with the most brilliant ways of killing myself and talking about it like I was just gonna star in a movie or something.  That must have been hard to take for anyone who really cared about me to have to sit and listen to.

All that aside, I am really, really grateful for the times that I was able to come in contact with other Veterans and just bask in the glow of the company of one who can truly understand.  Thank You

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Re: St.Pete straight 1979
« on: February 25, 2008, 03:59:22 AM »
The Ward Family...............They did more for us all with so little, it was almost like a beam from God shined down on thier home.  I was friends with Robert, Marcine, and even Dorinda.  I think the mom's name was Shirley, but I cannot remember the fathers name at all.  They had a habit of leaving their door unlocked and their house open for anyone who may need to use the phone.  Cell phones were something that only Private Eyes had in their cars back then, hell beepers were even out of reach for most in those days.  They also kept the 7 step Treasury bank account for us for years.  Dad Ward was a skilled shade tree mechanic, and he helped fix several of our vehicles, saving us hundreds of dollars.  I remember one particular time he got burned real bad by Mike McCaan over his Camaro that he jumped Thrill Hill at Pasadena and Central and fucked up his ball joints.  I was in his car when it happened.  We were on our way back from a fishing expedition at the Skyway and he was down from Palm Harbor, or wherever the hell it was that he lived.  He just saw this hill coming up, and before I could say anything, he's like "Watch this shit man!." and he just floored it.  What he did'nt know was that the road abruptly curved right on the other side of the hill.  Anyone crazy enough to jump the hill ran the danger of winding up in the oncoming lanes of traffic. He hit the fucker doing about 80 and we went airborne.  His maniac grin quickly faded once he saw that we were gonna land on the wrong side of the road.  We hit the pavement so fucking hard my head brushed the ceiling, and Mike jerked the wheel hard left and we shot into the parking lot of a big ass church that was on the corner.  By the grace of God, there was no traffic, seeing how it was about 1 o'clock in the morning.  The guys that were following us could'nt believe what they had seen and had to turn around the median to pull up beside us.  Mikes car was Fu--ucked man!  It shimmied like a drunk on roller skates after that.  He stayed over at someones house and took it to Dad Ward the next day. 

With me, I had a '72 Gran Torino and needed new U-joints put in.  With great reluctance, Dad Ward agreed to help me out.  I even gave him a 20 dollar tip when it was over.  He was such a great guy, that he lended me this old '66 Cutlass Supreme to get around in while he worked on my car.  He really saved my ass, because a job like that would have cost a cool 300 bucks at a garage, and he only charged me 85 dollars. 

The Wards got a bad rap by alot of people who considered them "White Trash" and what not, but they were the most thoughtful, generous and goodhearted folks I ever knew from the program.  Robert was a good friend and had shacked up with Julie Ferron, but I dont think they lasted all that long.  I went in the Army in January of '83 and lost touch.

In May of '96, while working at the Fina at Central Ave and 49th Street, a robust woman with reddish brown hair, freckles, and one hell of a tan flew into the station, grabbed an Arizona Iced Tea, a pack of Virginia Slims, a Lotto ticket, and was gone in a flash, leaving the scent of Coconut Tanning Oil.  It was none other than Julie Ferron.  She looked the same as always, only a little bigger.  I never had the chance to say shit.... maybe it's for the best.

In 2003, while standing in line to pay for new wiper blades for my Celica Supra at Discount Auto Parts on 4th Street and 62nd, I saw a guy in line ahead of me who looked vaguely familiar.  It dawned on me that it was Robert Ward.  He glanced back at me in his checkout line state of boredom, and must have recognized me as well, because he just placed his merchandise on the counter and mumbled a lame excuse to the cashier, and simply hauled ass out of the store.  I was left standing there completely numb.  It really hit home right then, that there are some people that the program just left shattered, and it's best to just let sleeping dogs lie still.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Re: St.Pete straight 1979
« on: February 20, 2008, 02:22:30 AM »
Dominic Mongello was the father of "Big Gina" and "Little Gina."  They were stepsisters.  Big Gina had real curly dark hair, freckles and blue eyes and looked like an Italian 'Joanie' from Happy Days.  Little Gina was Gina Denares and had a bigger nose, dark eyes, and straight up Italian and skinny.  There was an older guy who's name was Dan Lee I think who came into the program from jail with his jaw wired shut from being broken in a jailhouse fight.  He started a window tinting business and did pretty good after the program.  He was dating Gina M. for a while, and was pretty close to Dominic.  Mr. Mongello was a really great parent who really tried to get involved and was a big part of alot of picnics and stuff.  Last time I saw him was at a big event we had down at Taylor Park in Largo.  Shortly after that event is when they had the illfated "Parents 7 Stepper Rap" at the Gandy building and Kathy Winn and her dad were damn near about to go at it with a couple of black fold up chairs.  Newton and his goons began to take over, Kathy Winn wound up on front row, and several of us 'oldcomers' were terminated and/or given trespass warnings for the most ridiculous of reasons.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Re: St.Pete straight 1979
« on: February 17, 2008, 02:16:54 AM »
There was also Karen Ubanks.  She started dating Rick Humbert and they both faded from the scene.  They made a good couple at least.  There was also Kathy Morrison, Lisa Emmi, Bonnie Caraway, Chris Marsden, and one chick that just flat out disappeared real spooky like, Karen Widener, maybe she moved or something.

Please forgive me and try not to take offense, but when the names come I gotta post them or they just slip back into the fog.  There is a strange sense of hurt that I was actually a friend to people that I honestly have no recollection of at all.  I was going through so much in those days (we all were) and to keep up the act and keep from burning the fucking house down and just hitting the road to an uncertain future, I had to constantly bury things including memories of people.  Like this Dorothy girl, for instance, I remember she was a pet favorite of Dr. Ross for one reason or another in the RSA raps.  There was also this girl from Tampa that lived near Eisenhower and I took her, Mark Evans and Bonnie Caraway to Disney World and spent like a 16 hour day with them, and I can't remember her name for the life of me.  I was eighteen at the time, but everyone else was a minor so I was hauling ass to get them home before 4 am when the parents got up for work and wound up with a speeding ticket.  I was clocked doing 118 on I-4 and the cop magically reduced the speed to 68mph once we told him about Straight.  The tentacles of the program even reached as far as Haines City back in them days.

I guess that's enough for now..........

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Re: St.Pete straight 1979
« on: February 14, 2008, 01:42:43 AM »
Eric Merkle?  That just popped into my head.  Were you friends with Mark Evans and some of them dudes from the West Largo/Seminole area and went on to mess around with a garage band around 1982?  Were you a part of the crowd that attended Monday Nite Live at First Baptist of Indian Rocks?  Just trying to connect a name with a very blurry face.  These names also popped into my head.  Alan Ober, Brian Marble, Bob Brusseau, George Edwards and Chuck Haig. 

Bob Brusseau had a bitchin car, but I can't remember what it was.  I think it was a Chevelle, or a souped up Nova, but he could drive that thing better than NASCAR along Gulf Boulevard when it was crowded on a Friday Night.  Jesus, back in them days, you could cruise the Gulf Beaches from Pass-a-Grille to the tip of Clearwater and back for less than 5 bucks worth of gas.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Funny Thing About Health
« on: February 03, 2008, 02:40:36 AM »
I turned 45 recently and one morning at work, I had the damndest time trying to wake up and stay alert.  I live less than 3 miles from my job, so alot of mornings I am out of bed and in the print shop all in the space of just a half hour.  This particular Friday morning a couple of weeks ago had me kind of worried, even though I had taken some Seroquel the night before, I had slept good, got more than eight hours sack time, so there really was no reason to feel so damn tired, yet here I was nodding off while standing up.  I decided to head to the clinic and have my blood sugar level checked. 
The nurse was very informative and counseled me on my shitty bachelor diet and then drew my blood.  I registered 143.  I had a small breakfast, so it kinda threw the results.  I'll be going in Monday after a fast and after a solid week of eating better to see what sort of changes were made.

Over the years, I spent so much time making sure my head was screwed on right, that I neglected to make sure my body was doing well.  Our normal American diet is killing us.  The average person bombards themselves with complex sugars and starches and proteins everyday that the body cannot possibly digest or process properly.  This puts so much stress on the pancreas, that by the time a person reaches their mid thirties, they are what is now called Pre-Diabetic.  I honestly feel that the so called "Chronic Fatigue Syndrome" of the nineties was really just a bunch of burned out overweight yuppies skating dangerously close to becoming diabetic.  The average doctor is not there to care about you, he is there to make money off you.  As far as I am concerned, they should dress like used car salesman, because they follow the same princpals.  It aint health care, its shuck and jive, smoke and mirrors.  Now take lawn care for instance.  They pull up at the curb, unload a bunch of noisy smoke belching equipment, run around like chickens with their head cut off, yet when they are done, the lawn looks great.  It looks CARED FOR so that's why they call it Lawn Care.  So where the fuck do these goddamn doctors get off using the word CARE to describe what they do?  No matter how early you show up for your appointment, the pricks make you wait nearly 20 minutes after the scheduled time just to see you, a skanky nurse takes your vitals, which are fuckin NEVER discussed by the doctor, and for what?  I think it's just a stall tactic so the doc can check with the receptionist on why you came and then it gives him time to work up his bullshit so he can take something simple and complicate it with some worthless test proceedures and what-not.  Like last year, I go to a regular doctor because a saliva gland was infected.  He sends me to a specialist who bursts into the room like he had been smoking crack with his buddy Kramer all morning, feels the gland notices that I take lithium, himms and hawws, and tells me that it's the lithium, and if it keeps happening, he'll have to schedule surgery and have my spit glands removed.

Well folks, it turns out that the saliva gland got infected from my blowing my nose to hard.  I  blew my nose to hard because the fuckin thing had been running like a busted water main for that past 2 weeks.  The runny nose was from not properly treating an allergy to pine pollen.  I was duped along with millions of other Americans into thinking that a small 10mg pill of Loratidine (generic Claritin) would do the trick.  Come to find out that the reason they package Loratidine in 10mg strength is so they can claim that it is Non-Drowsy, nothing more, nothing less.  I was'nt getting enough of the shit to gain a foothold on the runny nose.  Once I found this out, and started taking it in a double dose, the nose cleared up just fine.  This year I did not have a repeat of the "mumps," which was simply caused by blowing to hard into a hankerchief or tissue and forcing germs into the euestacian tubes.

So you say, where is this all going?  Well, I just wanted to say that it is not just the President who lies, they all lie, and doctors are among the worst.  The bottom line is that most of us eat around 2500 calories a day, when 6 to 8 hundred calories is all we really require.  So next time you have a health problem, surf around on the internet and do some research, you'll be surprised at what you might find.

Well we all need something to lean on, and if you want to, you can lean on this............  I did some major upgrading to my tired ass pc and if all goes well, I will have a video to post playing and singing this crazy ass song that has been banging around in my head for the last 4 or 5 years.  Give it some time and patience please, because this is all pretty new to me.  With any luck, I will have it all ready around Valentines Day.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Absolve-a-lution
« on: January 10, 2008, 12:45:04 AM »
A sparce parking lot, the dawn is grey, my legs said "run" but my head says stay.

My life was finished, or so I'dd been told, can't move around freely 'cuz they got a hold.

I forgot my name, I got no reason for waking, I'm rearranging my game, see by the way I'm shaking..............

In the line of fire, you knew what to say, they gave us no choices, just one shade of grey, flapping our arms like seagulls in chains, cuz each chance to speak, leads to one step away.
Back at that hellhole, behind Tyrone Mall, we walked in darkness 'n kept hitting the walls.
I took the time to feel for a door, I had been "treated," but what the hell for?

I finally made it to home, and faced constant changes, but I'm not ready for school, no strength to shake the dangers.........

In the line of fire, you knew what to say, they gave us no choices,
just one shade of grey, I saw the posers, can't stand when they fake, yet each time your called on, is one step away........

Back at that hell hole behind Tyrone Mall, we walked in darkness, kept hitting the walls.......... I took the time to feel for a door, I found the secret, the key to it all.

If played and sung to the song "Combination" from the Aerosmith recording entitled ROCKS this makes for a kick ass anthem

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Let's Do It For Joe Mama!
« on: December 26, 2007, 03:48:03 AM »
Apology accepted.  I truly appreciate it when I get such rational responce to my posts.  I mean you took the time away from your busy schedule as a licensed Psychologist to do a thorough assessment of my personality, motives, thought processes, dictim, personal history, current station in life, ability to help others, not to mention the fact I am a recovered Manic/Depressive going on 20 years regained sanity.  

I for one am simply filled with the Miracle of Christmas.  I would be ever so grateful if you could fit me onto your caseload as a new client seeings how your knowlege of me far exceeds my current Psychiatrist.  Please PM me with all the particulars and once again Happy Holidaze.............

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Let's Do It For Joe Mama!
« on: December 25, 2007, 10:30:55 PM »
Quote from: Guest
By posting something like this 85 Dayjerk, you keep  the "issue" you have with Beth going. You say you don't want to have anymore contact with her, so why did you post this? -Says Guest

I posted it because she hits Star 67 or whatever it is you do to hide your phone number every time she calls me.  This last time, one minute she's gonna enroll in ballet classes in Chattanooga, sounds good, gonna get an apartment, eat healthy, maybe go back to school, then Bam!! Calls me two days later completely out of her mind and basically blames me and every other damn thing she can think of for her problems.

Guest Says-
"If she's calling you and you don't want her to, simply block her calls. Why come here and write that you might have to do it...and then smear her in the process? You seem to enjoy doing that because this is not the first bumping your old thread about her proves."

I did'nt "simply" put her on call block because I am not a self centered narcissistic unfeeling maggot that uses technology to brush people off like they are meaningless pieces of shit.  I am human enough to give Beth one final opportunity to retort before I write her out of my life entirely.  I dont think you are much a part of the real world so I won't waste my breath giving you lessons on being a human being.  You don't even think enough of yourself to assume a plausible identity.  You are a fucking coward, who could not write a 500 word essay without having a brain anuerism, no talent punk who probably does'nt even know how to change a flat tire.

Guest Says-
"I also think it's rather sad that you would write this post on Christmas."

Well Holy Shit Dick Tracy, I think it's even sadder that you would READ this post on Christmas!!!!

Guest Says-
"If this person is living in her car and has some type of mental illness, than I would hope you would have enough decency to simply block her calls and hope that she gets the help that she needs."

As long as all Beth has is fuckbrains like you who want to put her on call block,  instead of having the courage to DEAL with her, she will NEVER get the help she needs ya fucking worthless grandstanding asshole!!   SIt the fuck down, you aint no better than you ever were in group.  You make me wanna vomit!

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