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Topics - Nonconformistlaw

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Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Miller Newton supports Kidnapping?
« on: November 07, 2005, 01:34:00 PM »
A couple weeks ago I read the chapter about Straight in Trebach's book, The Great Drug War. Every word hit me pretty hard, but one part really fucked up my world.

regarding one 18 year old...."...her mother came to the door of the friend's house where she was hiding and told her emotionally that her brother would be terminated from the program if she did not return. her mother grabbed Arletha by the arm and started dragging her toward a car. Two adult men and a woman, all strangers to the young girl, joined in the violent kidnapping, which involved 30 minutes of battling, and then they forced her into the car and drove her back to Straight......After many hours of such harrassment, the young girl was taken to Dr. Newton's office. On this occasion, the Reagan White House endorsed expert told her that if she persisted in saying that she was being held against her will, "the state of Florida would take over and they would put my mother in jail for kidnapping."  :mad:  :mad:  :mad: [ This Message was edited by: Nonconformistlaw on 2005-11-07 19:09 ][ This Message was edited by:  on 2005-11-07 19:10 ]

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / My Husband just doesn't get it
« on: November 07, 2005, 11:01:00 AM »
Not from a spouse but from my brother, I am getting no support from him. He of all people I thought would be supportive since he was in the sibling program and has some idea what Straight was like. He tells me that I shouldnt read so much about straight, he thinks PTSD is crap invented by psychologists that want to label everything a disorder, blah, blah, blah.......he doesnt get it at all. My brother and I are not as close right now as we usually are. In fact I pretty much avoid him cause I dont want to hear his crap right now becuase it upsets me so much.

My dad on the other hand, has been extremely supportive, has apologized to me, and repeatedly tells me that I am doing the right thing (by reading about straight, therapy, etc.).

Girl I dont know what to tell you about your husband. I know why he doesnt get it...he wasnt there. Trying to tell people what straight was like over the years has been really upsetting cause they never get it and I always gave up in frustration. I do think that its difficult for the most well meaning people to accept that what happened to us, that it actually goes on in this country. I would imagine many would find it shocking, and maybe be are in denial cause its very upsetting to know about.

All I can say is that I hope things get better between you and your husband...hopefully he become supportive again.  ::rainbow::

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Come Clean Versus Reality
« on: October 31, 2005, 03:44:00 PM »
I'm reading that book based on Straight called Come Clean which is making me really irritable and nervous. Its pretty obvious where my anxiety problem comes from as I read. But it also has me curious about how accurate it is.

For example, one part goes into detail about Lunch. In the book the chairs are cleared away and tables are set up where everyone eats lunch at. They were also given McDonalds Happy Meals to eat.

Here's a couple excerpts:

"As in the rap session, the boys and girls are separated but facing each other. The boys' side of the table is much longer than the girls', maybe ten or fifteen bodies more."

"Once everyone is seated, Dwight hollers, 'Who here is hungry?' 'We are Dwight!' the group responds at full volume. 'And who here is thankful for what ya'll are about to receive?'....'We are Dwight!' 'Who do you have to thank for it?' 'Our Higher Power and our programme!'"

Okay so my questions are....

1. Did any Straight ever bother to set up lunch tables and seat the group this way?

Where I was we ate in our chairs in tables.

2. Did any Straight program start lunch by thanking their higher power, etc? If so what was said...does anyone remember?

Where I was we never did that. I also would have died for McDonalds! Never got anything like that!

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Halloween - Haunted Memories
« on: October 30, 2005, 03:29:00 PM »
My 21 year anniversary came and went this week. My intake was a few days before halloween. I recall nothing to mark the holiday that year except my own personal hell. I was in my own horrifying halloween nightmare.

So, I decided to face the Straight building this weekend for the first time in years....

Last time I drove by it, it gave me the creeps. It was intensly unsettling to say the least. When I saw the building that my mind I was looking straight at evil itself. The building will always be a house of horrors in my mind.

When I was in the seems to me once in awhile I'd hear stories of strange things that would go on at night in the building after the group left. I always wondered if it was haunted back then.

Now, I'm sure its haunted. That building is haunted by everyone that spent time there. The building holds a lot of pain within those walls. Screams come to mind, so does crying. And thousands of terrified thoughts of children praying for release from their torment.

I think of those who took their lives because of Straight with sadness and wonder...Do those lost souls still roam the halls of the building of their incarceration? It wouldn't surprise me at all.

To all of those who lost their lives because of Straight Inc...may your soul Rest In Peace!

As for the rest of us...may you put your demons to rest and find peace.[ This Message was edited by: nonconformistlaw on 2005-10-30 12:57 ]

I want my childhood back! It was mine...Straight took it away without my permission. Whlie locked within those walls, glued to my blue chair, motivating my ass off on cue, and all the while in a state of fear and confusion...what was left of my childhood disappeared.

I WANT IT BACK! IT WAS MY CHILDHOOD...Straight had NO right to steal it from me!

I missed out on all the things normal teenagers take for granted. We all did.

I went to a formal dance a few years ago even though I despise formal shindigs. But I wanted to pick out a formal dress for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE at age 34. I picked out the most beautiful red dress I could find, and then I just started crying because I didnt get to do that in high school. As I write this it almost seems like such a trivial detail I missed out on...but it was one of those moments where I was painfully aware of how much was taken from me.

And as the years have passed, I've always noticed how I have hung on to childhood for dear life. On my 19th birthday, I promised myself that I would always be 19. I am an overgrown kid in a lot of ways and I know it was because of Straight. In my heart I am the teenager I was not allowed to be. Now matter how old I get...I will always be frozen in childhood.

Hey, glad you found this...its overwhelming I know. I just accidentally stumbled across this site a couple months ago which opened the floodgates for me as well. I did a good job repressing anything having to do with straight for 20 years.

As hard as it is to read posts here...its a relief that others know exactly what you mean and dont think your crazy. So many things you said made total sense to me.

I was in my last semester of law school and working as a law clerk when I came unglued a couple months ago. I couldnt stop thinking about Straight. I had to take a 90-day medical leave of absence from work and take a leave of absence from school as well. I started counseling last month with a psychologist and was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. So yes, I'm getting thearpy to recover from Straight. So far, it seems to be a step in the right direction, but it will take a while to deal with all the anger and other stuff I repressed all these years. So I hope it helps you as well.

Here's what I wrote when I first came across this forum and about my PTSD experience so far. ... rt=#122050 ... rt=#133904

Making new friends here has also helped me tremendously. People I have met or had contact with feel like my brothers and sisters...there's a bond for me because no one else but a Straight Survivor knows where I've been and what it was like. Maybe you will have that experience here as well.

Glad you posted. You are not alone.  ::rainbow::

The Troubled Teen Industry / Interesting Reading
« on: September 25, 2005, 04:16:00 PM »
I find this to be an interesting comparison. I found this on the Diamond Ranch website...where their description seems to put a real pretty spin on Milieu Control.

"1. Milieu Therapy
Milieu (Mill-you) Therapy consists of the entire structure and environment of Diamond Ranch. This includes a token economy and the process of student advancement. It also includes the open ranch setting where students can be outdoors in a beautiful, safe environment. Through milieu therapy, the youth learn the law of the harvest, the consequences of their actions, and basic life and interpersonal skills. In it?s simplicity, milieu therapy is everything Diamond Ranch Academy offers your youth."

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / PTSD Hell
« on: September 21, 2005, 09:32:00 PM »
Okay, PTSD is really frustrating. My head just isn't in, I cant read anything lengthy or complicated. Cant concentrate at attention span lasts for a few minutes tops. I'm not used to me head being so screwed up. So I cant work or read for school.

So, today I started a 90-day medical leave of absence from work.  Thankfully, my employer allows this (unpaid of course). Oh and I wont be able to finish classes either...I'll never be able to get caught up this semseter. So now I also have to put off graduation until next spring. Which means I will now have even more school debt, which is out of control as it is.

Does anyone know if 3 months is going to be long enough to pull it back together?

I'm worried about what will happen if I still cant work at the end of 90 days. I have to be functional, as in able to read and comprehend heavy shit and also be able to produce a coherent work product by late December or else I'm in deep shit...I might then lose my job, just for starters.

Also....for those of you who have receieved treatment for PTSD, how helpful are the meds? I'm worried about taking anything but at the same time I cant stand what I wreck I am with all this emotional shit flooding back. I cant stand feeling so god damn dysfunctional.

I'm also exhausted  most of the time, especially after talking to my counselor or to anyone on the phone. Does this ever get better?

I dont know...I guess I just want to know that there is hope and that PTSD wont kick my ass for too long. I hate not feeling like myself and being sad all the time (among other things).

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Uncomfortably numb
« on: August 08, 2005, 10:57:00 PM »
Less than two weeks ago dateline jolted me out of my comfortably numb state when it aired its piece on program restraints. And then I found this forum immediately...

I didn't know there were so many Straight and other program POW's out there....and so I read, and read and many things that I have forgotten times I had to stop reading because I couldn't handle it...way too much reality...

I always thought I was able to put Straight behind me...and after years of post-Straight stuggling in every way imaginable...I became, for lack of better words, an "over-acheiver." I guess you could say I drove myself to "sucess" out of sheer determination to forget Straight, forget the label of being a bad kid/druggie, and partly, to prove every last one of them how wrong they were about me.

I thought I finally silenced the Straight demons, calmed that uneasy haunnted feeling that never goes away, I though I had it under control...

Yes Ive always been very aware of the anger that I carried with me, knew perfectly well how much Straight damaged me, have felt resentful every day since my incarceration in Straight and the kidnapping incident. But since I knew there wasn't a damn thing I could do to change the horrors of Straight, I just refused to think much about the entire experience.

And now.....I read on the verge of tears everyone else's experiences in Straight, nodding, yeah I remember that. But yet I cant cry, I cant break down, cant even comprehend my own emotional turmoil that is just beneath the surface...nor can I reach it...BUT I know its there....

I feel shell-shocked, just like the day I was first sat down in group....I'm numb and its so damn uncomfortable...and at the same time, I feel as if I'm on the verge of an emotional breakdown of sorts...

What the hell is this? After 20 years how is this possible???

Can somebody please explain this to me?????

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