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Messages - clairem

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Mission Mountain School / ellen...very questionable
« on: May 19, 2005, 10:40:00 PM »
okay, maybe ellen turned out to be agood guy after all, but my memory of her is that she was very sick as well. she actually was the cause of a lot of my misery.  I have asthma, not so much any more, and even if my attacks were emtional, there is a simple fact, I couldn't fucking breathe. period. and when this happened, when I would think I was going to die because the damn lungs just couldn't suck anymore, I was screamed at and sworn at...while wondering if I was going to live, desperate for air, she was screaming that I was the cause of problems and to get my ass moving.  Sorry, I kind of dont' like the woman, and 94-96'ers, remember three hour exercise.  after that day, I couldn't physically step down stairs, my muscles were so trashed I had to scoot on my toosh or I would fall. and as we were increasingly more tired, we had to sprint hills in better times, doesn't make much sense. in fact, when three hour exercise was ever threatened, I was the only one that would burst into tears only because I knew I wouldn't be able to breathe and that would only get people in more trouble. god this hard! need to sign out....

Mission Mountain School / wow
« on: May 19, 2005, 10:31:00 PM »
oh wow, thank you kat for your personal response to my email, this is a very heated forum--and rightfully so.  MMS was powerful for everyone, whether good or bad, and being that I have been down both sides of the street, I understand.  I don't mean to say to some of you that because you don't believe it was abusive that means there's more to come. and for some of does mean that.  i am so happy for some of you that feel better as a result, and if you ever change your mind, I would never judge you because I was an mms "nazi" for many years after leaving.  and yes, some did have good experiences, we weren't all treated eqaually, and I know there were plenty that were happy as pie that they weren't me. but imagine being me...imagine being any of us that are haunted still. it is not much to ask for regulation.  teachers are licensed and regulated, doctors are, counselors are etc etc etc. so shouldn't people who deal with the tenderest and most vulnerable of our population be watched as well--and shouldn't they not be allowed to be getting filthy rich as a result. Anything good and pure and right does not bring about material wealth.  just a belief of mine and how i run my entire life.  If I have a gift that will improve humanity, then by all means I will freely give it away...such a big problem in our world and money and power are so powerful that they delude even the smartest well-meaning people. can you tell I hate bush? :smile: Thank you women for being here...kat, I already love you

I am new to this forum, in fact, I have never joined a chat forum, so this is new and obviously i am a bit late for the conversations.  I want to share my perspective.  I attened mms from 94-96.  When I left, I attended college in helena montana with another former student, Elissa.  She and I were extremely close, but there were differences in our experience leaving that school.  For those of you that were there when I was, you probably rememeber how "historic" my workcrew was and how hard John was on me.  I would also like to clear a misconception--just because I am not okay now with mms is NOT my fault, it has taken me years to figure out what exactly was wrong with me.  I entered the school with post-traumatic-stress-disorder from watching my mothers battle and eventual death from cancer. Noone there diagnosed me because they didn't have the knowledge or credentials to.  John so misjudged my character that I was forced to make up stories to satify him, and boy do I have many examples still.  And I did not leave mms and get "fucked up."  I was an active participant of AA for three years and strictly lived by my aftercare plan until my depression became so severe I had to take a good look at my life or I was going to do something drastic.  I am not an alcoholic.  I have been drinking moderately and normally for six years now and have no interest in smoking cigarettes or pot.  THe point I want to make is this.  Yes, some girls did have good experiences there, there were favorites, and sarah dear, you were one of them because you are so "available' and loveable.  I was so emotionally disturbed, they did not have the training to know exactly what was wrong with me and ended up doing far more damage than good--and this is not just opinion, this is coming from my years with Phd therapists, name it.  They need to be regulated--especially when dealing with severe problems.  My therapist asked me if I would be interested in a law suit...I don't think that is what I need to do right now...I am tired of living in the nightmares and pain of what was done.  And calling someone a disgusting person IS abuse...allowing a young girl to be in below zero wheather...after I begged at Johns window to come in just to get warm and being denied...IS abuse.  there are facts here...separate from any opinion. ANyway, I hope someone reads this.  do email me personally if you would like. [email protected]

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