Fornits

Fornits Home for Wayward Web Fora
An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

.

..and on top of that you are suggesting that I be labelled somehow to warn people about what “you” have decide I am. I bet you would be the first one to cry a river if you had to wear a sign around your neck in a program reading “Sociopath” or “Whore” etc. . But this is your first order of business if you gained the power seat.
You seem to be no better than those you criticize in the program......Interesting isn’t it?

I already did cry a river with the label whore around my neck, with snot bubbles, swollen face, the whole 9 yards.  I did the same with the word worthless spray painted on a sheet wrapped around my body.  The same when I sat at a desk facing the wall for 3 months...I am comfortably numb with labels.

Perhaps if you, yourself went to MBA, RMA, CEDU, ASPEN Ranch, etc., you would be numbed as well, as you would have endured not only the labeling of such words, the literal "wearing" of such labels, also the constant reminders of possessing these qualities by staff screaming these words to you, amidst 'profanity laced group sessions', staff encouraging your peers to call you such words, staff making you say these words, repeatedly to yourself in the mirror...staff, adults, of whom you are expected to trust, staff of whom you are expected to assume that everything they say is true, staff of whom you would never question, whether it be context, intention, authority, knowledge, training...

Sociopath is a perfect cloak for you, based on your words and actions on this board.  Just like staff assumed worthless and whore where the perfect cloaks for me, at 12, based on what little they knew of me, using key points as ammunition--adoption, molestation, strained relationship with parents.  You are obviously a cold, apathetic individual, in whatever your truth is.  Whether it be the story you insist upon telling, that you have or had a daughter in one of these programs, that you are the grieving father of a son of whom went through one of these programs and died of an overdose, or just an industry official paid to be on these boards for damage control.  I don't believe I need to spell out each individual instance.  If you are the 2 former descriptions, feel free to PM me, and I will explain.  But I am leaning more toward a lowly paid employee of whom the Industry hired to come on boards like these and turn attention away from the testimonies and truths of past students.  You are probably paid a sad salary to come on here, picking your own disguise, for the sole purpose of wrapping your cold arm around a questioning parent, turning them away from reading the experiences of past students, most those experiences being horror-filled, and proverbially saying, "Come, come over here, let me show you the wonderful swimming pool we have."  

Any of the 3 scenarios of your "truth" would point toward you having no conscience, an empty soul, and/or severely in need of therapy.  But not tough love, as we went through.  That would most likely turn you into a crazed lunatic.  Perhaps you just need a hug, and a snot-bubble-filled crying session.  

You seem to be very good at your job.  From what I have seen, you have successfully turned attention away from students' pain filled postings, and into a Whooter bashing session.  Bravo.  If you are not a Sociopath, you certainly play one well here.

And as such, the above will be the last quote of yours I will use.  I suggest others do the same.  I came to this forum to express myself.  To express my pain, for comfort from others and to comfort others.  

However, if you or someone like you are going to portray the buzzing bee in the room, I can just find somewhere else to go.  So you won.  Congratulations.  I hope you give yourself a big pat on the back.  I'm sure you have driven many others away.  You have done your job well. Just realize that those who see this and those you drive away eventually end up finding each other, "in droves", and take action on another platform, i.e. The Press, as in bad press, as in the worst nightmare for the Industry.  Thank goodness for copy and paste.  We can use you, with all your posts, as an appetizer of the ugly truth that is the abusive Troubled Teen Industry.  

The money will eventually run out, and you, just as Alex, Bill, Sharon, and all of the others, will be "standing in the unemployment line", just like 80% of the rest of the country.

Your original post was primarily about the abuse you experienced. And John Reuben naturally didn't want to discuss that, so he changed the subject as usual. But I wanted to discuss it, specifically the Adoption Blame part. I too was adopted and was told the same thing. That it was all my fault. That my mother was a whore, that she didn't want me, that I was to blame for something that happened seconds after my birth. Just a few years ago I tracked her down. My "whore" mom is still married to my father. I have five other siblings. They are great people, very wholesome and caring and I am now a part of their loving family again. And when I began to think about this back in 2002, it helped me realize how indifferent the staff were to the abuse they heaped on us. That telling a child his or her birth mother is a whore is wrong, but they were incapable of seeing this as abuse. They really and truly thought that was going to do me some good. They thought anything they said should be tacked on to the Ten Commandments. They truly believed that all they said or did was truly holy and blessed. And the reason is because they were not licensed, had no training to be counseling anyone, and from that Alex Bitz letter, it is just reinforced some more that they are clueless to the abuse they have caused and would continue to cause if they were given another chance. Alex sounded like he got hit by the reality train.

I will pm you later, as I would love to hear more about your reunion.  I think it's wonderful, and probably very healing for you.  

I have to disagree, though, with the statement that they were incapable of seeing this as abuse.  3 months before I arrived at MBA, I was in the middle of searching for my birth mother, and found out she died when she was 24 (she had me at 15).  The staff knew this.  They also knew that at my young age, I was already deeply self-loathing and clinically depressed.  After doing some research, I found this article:
http://http://www.adoptionissues.org/needs-adopted-teens.html

It felt like a punch in the stomach.  I also reached out to Alex, Sharon, Bill, and others after  left MBA, having a very hard time adjusting.  My calls went unanswered, there were no responses to my letters, nothing.  It was like I had vanished from their memory.  I had a very traumatic event happen a year after I left, and, for some reason, I felt the need for comfort from Alex or anyone from MBA.  I still received no reply.  Nothing.  A couples years later, there was a small reunion in my area , of which I attended.  I pulled Alex to the side and asked if he received any of my letters.  He responded, "which one?"  I told him the one specifically about the [traumatic event].  His response was a very cold, "yes.", then he walked away.  However, in front of the others, he was all smiles and hugs toward me.

Because every form of communication with him previously went unanswered, I wrote an 'open letter' to Alex, and Sharon, in response to his comment to me on the public board.  It does not go into as much detail as my 'abuse' letter did, but I think my point was came across pretty clearly.  I posted this on the MBA Alumni boards, as well as emailing it to both of them, directly.  Needless to say, I received no response from either one.  
My therapist told me the lack of communication on their part is an avoidance of admitting guilt, that they knew, in whatever capacity they could, that they really "messed up" with me, and that I have "ammunition", and to talk to me would, in part, be an admittance of their guilt.  They have been in touch with many others in my "dark ages" era, and I did not understand why.  It made me question myself, for years.  However, my therapist and others have told me that they knew what they were doing, and that it was wrong.  How could an adult, even with no common sense, not know that calling a 12 year old virgin a whore as well as calling her deceased birth mother one, screaming at all of us, shaming us to the breaking point, force us to say and do incredibly degrading things, and all of the crap that they pulled, was not wrong, and was only out of 'good intent'.  I can't, and don't see that, and I don't think I will ever be convinced otherwise.  These people had major issues of their own, and they vomited those issues all over the kids.  My therapist, who has an excellent reputation and has been a licensed psychologist as well as a child welfare advocate for over 37 years, told me this, "Plain and simple, those people are Sociopaths".  Some may not agree.  I do.  Here is the response letter to Alex:

Mr. Bitz,
cc: Sharon Bitz

"I am so very sorry you have to deal with the prospect of coming down from your cushy, “fluffy cloud”, and enter the “real world”. I understand the thought is very frightening, almost as frightening as having you and the other staff in my face, telling-no, screaming at-me that I was “a whore, a slut, a liar, a spoiled brat, useless, manipulative…etc.” and that I was “so worthless that not only [my] birth parents didn’t want me, but the parents that adopted [me] didn’t want me either”. A whore? At 12 years old, still a virgin? C’mon. I’m sorry, this may be graphic, but I thought that a “blow job” was actually blowing, as in blowing out a candle, on a guy’s penis. The one incidence of getting “out of agreement” with a boy, 4 years my senior, and did not involve any form of penetration. I know of many who participated in more severe forms of being “out of agreement”, yet did not deem it necessary to confess. Yet I was the manipulative whore, at 12?  Please.
Speaking of adoption, it seems that you all changed your tune. All of a sudden, there is this collaboration with the Kinship Center to give extra care to those who are adopted. “Adoptive children wonder why they were placed for adoption in the first place and can struggle with feeling worthy and good-enough, especially during the teenage years when it's natural for them to assert themselves as unique individuals," says Bitz. "We can help them work through their feelings of loss […]. So, let me get this straight: you deemed it appropriate, even “therapeutic” to call me worthless, time and time again, using my adoption as “proof” (in fact, that was my cloak in the Castle, WORTHLESS). Then, all of a sudden, Sharon preaches about the issues of self worth plaguing adoptees, and MBA’s special care and attention to adoptees. “According to Bitz and others, the teenage years present daunting developmental obstacles for children of adoption and their families.” Hmmm.
I came to MBA a scared, depressed, self loathing 12 year old girl, one who would look in the mirror and tell herself how worthless and ugly she was. One who attempted suicide 3 times before arriving there. Whether they were calls for help or attention or not, at 10-12 years old I hated myself so much that I wanted to die. That is a problem. But in your eyes, it was all a ploy to get attention, or maybe a pair of new shoes or something. That I was “playing poor me”, being a “victim”. You gave me too much credit, sir. At 10 years old, I did not have the capacity, nor the intention of anything other than escaping the pain I was in. I suppose that was too simple for you. You seemed to want more soap opera-like drama. Yet, I couldn’t give that to you, and that seemed to make you and your staff even more angry, even more vicious, even more abusive. Yes, I said abusive. The State of Oregon agrees, along with top professionals at Stanford University, Davis University, Lucille Packard Children’s Hospital, of whom I have personally spoken with, among many, many others, all of whom agree that the MBA curriculum and staff engaged in “atrociously” abusive behavior.
It’s almost sad to see your “project” your anger towards me and others, and not practice the “tools” that MBA has been preaching for 20 years. The snide sarcasm oozing out of your comment to me on the board is unmistakable, and honestly, a bit childish. Yes, “Sarcasm and Cynicism is the result of broken dreams”. I understand, your dream is broken. I’m also reminded of my favorite, “The Liar’s Punishment is not the he/she is not believed, but that he/she cannot believe anyone else.” Read the articles:  ‘Unsurprisingly, [Sharon] Bitz attacked the validity of the report.’ “We know that some current students have made a conscious decision to lie about our school, hoping that it will be closed as a result, and that they would then be sent back home," Bitz told TIME. "We would never ask a student to give a lap dance," Bitz told the paper. Oh really? C’mon now. "All methods of therapy are done in a supportive atmosphere with trained professionals and the intent to raise self-awareness and self-worth," said Bitz. Then what’s with the constant reinforcement of telling young kids that they are worthless? What is happening here is, among other things, called Justice. For those who are more spiritually inclined, it’s called Karma. Whether it is because you truly believe you are being falsely accused, stripped of your dignity, or because deep, deep down you know that you went a bit overboard, yet your punishment does not fit the crime, you are going through a very similar process that some of us, the students, went through at MBA. It’s a bit like you have no voice, isn’t it? Like you are screaming inside and no one is listening, right? Like the “powers that be” don’t understand you, won’t listen to you, and are convinced you are something that you are not, right? I know that feeling very well, as do many others that went to MBA.
I am glad that some students had positive, life changing experiences at your school. For those of whom credit MBA with saving their lives, I tip my hat to them. My experience, however, was soul-killing, nightmare-producing, self-esteem-stripping, and, to put it in layman’s terms, utterly horrible. I made great friends. I am really good at finding relevant quotes in any given situation. I went to London. I…well…hmmm…I think that’s about it for the “good” part of it. Oh, I liked the hiking and cross-country skiing as well.
Again, I am sorry that you are fearful of joining the rest of the unemployment-line-standing real world. I’m guessing, however, that you have some nice money to sit on from the near $80,000 tuition per student, per year. Or at least ASSPEN-oh, sorry, that’s 1 ‘S’-is giving you a nice pension for your troubles. Yes, I believe sarcasm and cynicism, when used appropriately, helps to ease the pain of those broken dreams; for me, at least, many of them being broken by MBA. And I think sarcasm is just funny (think Steve Carrell, John Stewart, Stephen Colbert).
Here’s some quotes you might want to consider. If you would like to look up more, brainyquote.com and thinkexist.com are great quote sites.
“Child abuse casts a shadow the length of a lifetime.”~Herbert Ward
“What is evil? Killing is evil, lying is evil, slandering is evil, abuse is evil, gossip is evil: envy is evil, hatred is evil, to cling to false doctrine is evil; all these things are evil.”~Buddha
“Anyone entrusted with power will abuse it if not also animated with the love of truth and virtue, no matter whether he be a prince, or one of the people.”~Jean de La Fontaine
“When predominant selfishness and conceit there is no attachment to self or anything else.”~Aesop
“Be impeccable with your word”~Don Miguel Ruiz (The 4 Agreements author)
“Little prigs and three-quarter madmen may have the conceit that the laws of nature are constantly broken for their sakes”~Friedrich Nietzsche

Gosh, reading this over again, I realize that this was just the tip of the ice berg. So yes, I am sitting here, rejoicing with many others.
Good luck, sir. I hope that your re-entry into the “real world” goes a bit more smoothly than mine did."


I may post the first letter, the 'Abuse Part 1' letter later, as I become more comfortable with this site.  It is comforting and cathartic to have people here that actually understand and can relate to what I went through.

So the struggle here is to determine how much the licensed professional should be involved in the day to day process of the program. Should they have a licensed profession sit in on all groups when they break out for discussions 2 or 3 times a day? Should a professional see each child every day? Should the professional outline treatment plans and allow non professionals to carry them out? Should a process be developed which is overseen by professionals but run by non professionals? I think these are some of the questions I would like to see answered by comparing them to established laws and standard protocol.

This may answer part of your question, though I cannot fathom that you have not understood the point yet.
According to the State of Oregon:

  OAR 407-045-0820: Maltreatment of child, which includes but is not limited to failure to provide adequate food, clothing, shelter, or medical care that is likely to endanger the child’s health or welfare. Maltreatment also includes but is not limited to the willful infliction of pain or injury, hitting, kicking, scratching, pinching, choking, spanking, pushing, slapping, twisting of head, arms, or legs, tripping, exposure to domestic violence, the use of unnecessary or excessive physical force, or other physical contact with a child inconsistent with prescribed treatment or care, the use of derogatory names, phrases or profanity, ridicule, harassment, coercion, or intimidation, that is likely to endanger the child’s health or welfare.

  OAR 407-045-0820: Threatened harm to a child, which means subjecting a child to a substantial risk of harm to the child’s health or welfare.

  OAR 407-045-0820- Negligent treatment of a child, which includes but is not limited to failure to provide adequate food, clothing, shelter or medical care that is likely to endanger the child's health or welfare.  Negligent treatment also includes, but is not limited to failure to supervise a child, or failure to intervene when a child needs assistance or care, that is likely to endanger the child's health or welfare.

Perhaps, had there been a licensed psychologist actively participating in the program, that individual would have more knowledge of the laws, and therefore prevented some of the abuse from happening.  Do you think it was an oversight or accident that the licensed party never attended lifesteps or groups?

Here is a description of abuse again, in layman's terms:

Posted by lawsprotect on 04/11/09 at 9:12PM
It seems that perhaps some of the staff, students and parents, past and present, might not understand what constitutes "abuse."

A staff member continually yelling at a student, yelling profanities at the student, yelling humiliating and degrading remarks at the student, name-calling, in Group or out, is ABUSE and against the law. It doesn't matter that you don't think it is abuse. It doesn't matter that there may be some 'good intention' and hope for a good result on the part of the staff member. It is still ABUSE and against the law.

There are other ways to bring about good results.
ABUSE is not one of them.

If you are denied sleep in a two or three or four day Life Step, except for an hour or two, this is neglect, and neglect is ABUSE and against the law. It doesn't matter if you didn't mind it, it is still ABUSE. And you have all suffered sleep deprivation, if you made any of the Life Steps.

If you were not fed meals, but perhaps little snacks on a three or four day Life Step or intervention or work study or self study . . . that is neglect, and neglect is ABUSE. It doesn't matter if you weren't hungry and it was okay with you, it is still ABUSE.

If you were forced to do physical labor for extended periods of time, such as eight hours a day or longer, hauling rocks, digging ditches, digging holes and then filling them back up, shoveling snow, etc., that is ABUSE. Most of you are, or were, minors. It is abusive to force you into physical labor for long days, and days and days on end.

If you were forced to spend weeks, and months for some, in isolation, not allowed to smile, not allowed to talk to anyone, forced to sit and be humiliated at a table by yourself, treated as if you were not even a human being and as if you didn't exist . . . that is psychological, emotional ABUSE. It doesn't matter if you were okay with it, or if you understood the 'bigger picture.' It is still ABUSE and it is against the law.

If you were forced to be abusive to others, as you were in Group, yelling at the top of your lungs at them, thinking up horrible, often untrue things to yell at them, that is ABUSE.
You were not only abused yourselves, but you were forced to abuse other students. This is against the law, even if you didn't think it was so bad. The law is the law. And the laws are there to protect you.

If you were on prescription medication and that medication was denied to you at any time, during Life Steps, when you were leaving campus, etc., that is harmful to your medical health and it is ABUSE.

If you were a minor and forced to do things of a sexual nature that you were not comfortable with, that is ABUSE.

Maybe you get the picture . . .

If you were a victim of any of the above mentioned things, you have been ABUSED.

Just because some well-meaning people think they can bring about a good result for you, they still do not have the right to ABUSE you in order to try to bring it about. ABUSE is against the law.

Again, just because you don't perceive it to be abuse, doesn't change the fact that it IS abuse.

I understand that while you are a student at MBA, you have no recourse to report the abuse. You can't make phone calls, you are not allowed to report anything like that to your parents, you have no access to a hot line . . . the only people you can report the abuse to are the abusers themselves. The fact that you are in that situation with no possibility of reporting is again, abusive to you.

This is pasted from Bill Hoffman's notes on Facebook.  Though the only ones who have access to it are his Facebook "friends", I am surprised that only a few comments out of 62 were calls for more accountability.  I also made a comment, but Bill erased it the next day, as well as edited a few words in the entry.  Bill was an ok guy compared to others, and I believe he has a touch of guilt for the way those of us from the "dark ages" of MBA were treated, yet he has also posted some very low blows and attacks on some of the Facebook boards, which I may post later.

"What MBA Kids From The Past Need To Know About MBA Today."

Saturday, April 11, 2009 at 11:06pm
We are no longer the old Mount Bachelor Academy you think of from the past.

Mount Bachelor Academy staff are not only loving people who enjoy working with kids either. Qualifications to be a Mentor now takes a Master's degree. Our Executive Director, Program Director, Clinical On-Site Coordinator and about half of our Mentors are Mastered Leveled Therapists.

"We have come far since the dark ages" What began in 1988 as "a mom and pop business" without regulation or degreed people has transformed in the 21st century with oversight, credentialed teachers, qualified professional staff trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, skill building from Dialectical Behavioral Training, Adoption Clinical Training, etc.

We are licensed by the State of Oregon, we are accredited by the Northwest Association of Accredited Schools and Pacific Northwest Association of Independent Schools.

We have a full-time Chemical and Dependency Counselor as well to provide quality drug and alcohol focused therapies.

Our group therapy sessions are no longer profanity laced yelling sessions. We actually have grown away from that mode. We offer special-themed groups including workshops in issues of Adoption, Grief and Loss, Mastery and Control, Sexual Abuse, NA/AA, etc.

As far as my degree, I have a Bachelor's of Arts with 30 years of experience in working with youth and families. As the Residential Director, I have oversight of the daily living of our students, dorm life, providing recreational activities at night, on weekends, and for special events: Summer Olympics, Community Service projects, etc.

Regarding Lifesteps: students, by law, are given 6 hours of sleep. Food always has been healthy and plentiful. Fresh fruit, veggie platters, PBJ and meat and cheese sandwiches, juice, etc.

Do kids receive work projects for misbehavior? Yes, but this is not "Holes" folks, kids are out for a few hours if need be, to give back or think about their poor behavior(s) demonstrated in the community. We still hold kids to being responsible towards keeping rules. Work projects are meaningful and are often based on metaphors.

Kids do not sit facing a wall, kids who have writing assignments, book reading on self studies are done in the evening down in our Library with staff supervision.

By the way, the kids we take at MBA are products of overindulgence, under supervised, from dysfunctional families, have poor or low self esteem issues, have issues related to adoption, were labled or felt like perceived failures in school, many of our kids are ADD/ADHD. Not all kids as I wrote wwere close to death, although some were getting cclose to the edge. Many of our kids abused drugs or alcohol, made poor choices, etc.

I have nothing but pride in the good work we do everyday.

***I made the following comment, which was not only unanswered, but deleted the next day***

  November 30 at 5:35 pm
'I know I’m late to the party, but I just read this for the first time today, and I have a few comments to make.

“Kids do not sit facing a wall, kids who have writing assignments, book reading on self studies are done in the evening down in our Library with staff supervision.”
That is a very good thing.  However, you, in fact, ran my self-study when you first arrived at MBA, and you had me sitting in that small desk, facing the wall, not letting me get up until someone “escorted” me to the bathroom, and making me dig a ditch for 8 hours a day, then continue the work day by filling it up.  I did that for 3 months, w/o going to class.  So do those of us who did endure that get some kind of apology or at least acknowledgment of abuse?

“Regarding Lifesteps: students, by law, are given 6 hours of sleep. Food always has been healthy and plentiful. Fresh fruit, veggie platters, PBJ and meat and cheese sandwiches, juice, etc.”
It’s really nice that you guys decided to finally abide by the law.  But, as you know, in the ‘dark ages’ of MBA, we had about 2-3 hours sleep, and ate crackers and water.

“Our group therapy sessions are no longer profanity laced yelling sessions. We actually have grown away from that mode.”
I’m honestly glad.  In my era, there was constant yelling, screaming, name-calling, swearing, crying, and very harsh criticism toward most of us (with the exception of the lucky few).  For example, I was constantly called a whore, a liar, manipulative, playing victim, etc.  By law, that’s abuse.

It really boggles my mind that there is no accountability for the staff’s actions towards the earlier peer groups.  Nothing.  Accountability and complete honesty is what we were taught; those 2 things were almost literally shoved down our throats, that’s usually what spurred most of the “profanity laced yelling sessions”.  Yet there is no accountability, apology, or admission of any wrong doing to those of us who endured that; wrong doing, or, in layman's terms abuse.  Some of my peers seem ok with it.  I am not.

I just don’t get it… '

So, without a word, message, or any acknowledgment to me, he erased my comment, then erased the words 'no longer' in the sentence about 'profanity-laced yelling sessions'.

The most upsetting aspect of all of this, besides the fact that it has brought up a lot of pain that I never dealt with, is the complete lack of ACCOUNTABILITY by the staff.  Accountability, the thing they preached, yelled about, screamed about, and based Lifesteps on.  There is known.  In fact, there are instead cover-ups and lies.  Like I said, I just don't get it.  And it makes me very angry, especially for all the crap I endured because of it.