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An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

Theresa, You seem like a thoughtful, fair-minded person.  I respect your views about Hyde.  The problem I have is that what you have to say about Hyde is so different from what many other people report.  Are you concerned about all that you read on this website?  Are you concerned about the horror stories that many have told about how their kids went to Hyde with serious mental health issues but the school didn't have any professionals to deal with that?  Are you concerned about the very high turnover among Hyde teachers?  The fact that so many FLCs are run like therapy groups but the staff don't have any training to deal with those issues?  That so many people are describing how abusive Joe Gauld has been to them?  That so many students who start at Hyde leave before graduation?



You seem to be one of Hyde's success stories. I applaud you. The strong impression I'm getting, however, is that for every success story like yours there are many sad stories with bad endings.  That's not the way it should be.  



Many other schools for teens who are having difficulty don't have the terrible reputation Hyde has (although some do).  Why is that?"

Hi,
Thank you for you thoughtful and inviting response.

I wish I could be more help to you. I can really only speak from my own experience, and what I might do in your situation. What I can recommend is to view each problem in it's own light and address it, rather than grouping them all together, so they seem overwhelming. For example, if there is a particular issue with a particular student who is not getting the services that you think he or she needs, then I would deal with that. If there is a particular incidient where Joe was abusive to you, then I suggest addressing that particular incident with him or someone with whom you feel comfortable at the school.

With regards to teacher attrition, having been a high school teacher for only two years myself, I have first hand experience with being "burnt out." And I didn't have to coach, and be a dorm parent, and lead wilderness trips, and eat every meal with students, and lead counseling groups, and attend FLCs, and... deal with kids that may or may not have mental health issues. This is a tall order for an individual, and I applaud them for holding out the entire year, if they aren't cut out for that.

About FLCs... I can tell you that my father was a psychiatrist, and he embraced the program. FLCs are intense and provoke a lot of emotional issues for students and parents. Sometimes more than they expect. FLCs are tough, no question. But they really can be quite rewarding and moving.
If kids, and parents for that matter, can go through this reflection process with an open mind, or even just begin to be open to observations and feedback, then Hyde will most likely work out for them. If not, they might leave. I believe there may be some statistics on students who leave, and actually return later in life, telling their stories of self-discovery. In fact, someone from my alumni list posted a remarkable story about a student from our year that didn't make it through Hyde as a teen:
http://hyde.edu/galleries/default-file/ ... er2004.pdf (pages 9-10)

It's a tough program. It may not be for everyone. I married a guy who I think would have had a pretty tough time there. He deals with emotional stuff on a very private level, and opening up at all, let alone in front of a group would have been a stretch for him. And his folks? Forget it.. "ain't no way..." to quote my mother-in-law. :smile:
But I think he would admit that it was through a similar process to what Hyde offers that eventually brought us back together, after six years of divorce.

If there are further steps that I can help you take toward addressing some of your concerns, feel free to contact me: theresa.locklear@gmail.com

Best,
Theresa Locklear

Hi, Thanks for your response. What you say does sound troubling. And I am sorry for your negative experience. My only recommendation at this point would be to make a list of all the issues that are worrisome, and let's try and draft a rational and constructive letter.

One of the clichés that Hyde over-uses, which I have always found to be both antagonistic and insightful, may have some truth in this circumstance - if you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem. I don't mean to sound antagonistic myself in saying that, but I do fall back on that quite often in my own life.

Joe Gauld has always had a bit of a reputation of being, let's say, passionate. I am not going to defend him, as I don't know the specific incident(s) to which you are referring. In my experience however, if I am able to peel away the eccentricity of his expression, he often makes a good point, worth thinking about.

Thanks again for your response.
Best,
Theresa Locklear

>> Thanks for your posts Theresa. I am interested in knowing what you have been doing since graduating from Hyde. What is your career and what area of the country do you live?

Hello,
Thanks for your interest. After graduation in 1987, I went to Earlham College, which is a Quaker school in Indiana. I graduated in 1991 with a BA in Philosophy of Religion and then joined the Teach for America program. I was placed in North Carolina, where I taught high school Science and Math at a rural public school. I met my husband (playing sports!) in NC and had my son, Grady. While Grady was small I taught myself computer programming, then moved back to New York and took a job as a software developer. In my move to NY, I also left my husband, and spent 6 years as a single mom in the city. Two years ago, my husband and I reconciled and Grady and I moved to Washington, DC to be with him. I am still doing software development here, but I recently took the official title of Technical Business Analyst.

Hope that helps. Again, please feel free to contact me with any questions about my experience at Hyde.

Best,
Theresa

Thanks for your response. I am sorry your experience has been so negative.. what you describe does sound abysmal. My only recommendation would be to try and affect change in a positive way. One of the things I learned as a student at Hyde that I have probably used more than anything else, is when there is something going on that I don't like, I think about a proactive way to change it. For example, as a senior, I wanted some "privileges" that weren't given out at first. I wrote up a letter arguing my points in a clear, relatively unbiased way, and submitted that to someone, maybe the dean. It was discussed at a faculty meeting that I was invited to, and after some debate, our privileges were awarded.

The same could be true for you.. if there are staff at the school who are seemingly unprofessional at sporting events, I would write a proactive letter to the coach or the headmaster, stating your points and making a recommendation for change. I advise that this be done in positive tone, rather than an attacking one, as negatives are often responded in the same manner. I would be happy to work with you on this letter, should you decide to move forward with it.

Just as a side note.. when my son was 5, he went to a school in a building that had 2 schools in it. He complained to me one day that the other school gets morning recess (before school starts), but not his school. Since we were early to school every day, I recommended to him that he take a survey to find out if there were other students from his school interested in having morning recess. He found out that there were. He presented these findings to School Leadership Team, and after some debate, morning recess was enabled for his school as well.

Regarding the FLC, this is a little more sensitive but could be handled in a similar manner. I wonder if the timing of the question may have been awkward, and could have been taken off-line to avoid seeming like an attack or a distraction from the task at hand. Even still, another of the very big lessons I learned at Hyde was/is that if you are "churning" about a certain issue, you should deal with this feeling. Again, I recommend doing this in as positive of a tone as possible, to best enable a communication, rather than an attack/defense back and forth. And again, I would be more than happy to work with you or your friend to write a letter, most likely to the facilitator, regarding your/her experience.

I hope that helps in some way. Please feel free to contact me if you would like to discuss this more in-depth.

Best,
Theresa Locklear