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Messages - Mykidsmom

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1
Brat Camp / Redcliffer
« on: March 17, 2006, 08:19:00 PM »
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On 2006-02-16 20:05:00, Anonymous wrote:

"I went through a similiar period as with your son, and i was mighty proud of what i did accomplish. For what i was sent there for, it did help me considerably, i no longer felt like the world owed me something and was nolonger just a whiney little kid that mouthed off to every single person that ever tried to help me. I realized that i was no better than anyone else--no smarter no stronger no more moral-- and when i graduated i was filled with "little wisdoms". I will always respect RCA, and like your son i was struck with some nostalgia when i left --its alot simpler and the emotions are genuine and not watered down with bullshit.



When i first got out i stayed clean, respected my mother, and got As in school. But the thing is i had alot of difficulty with explaining what i had gone through with my peers (i had failed the 8th grade the previous year so i was still in middle school--this compounded with my new found maturity doubly increased any difficult i had adjusting). I was the 'bad' kid even if i tried to reform myself. I eventually gave in to these temptations and found myself chillin with punk/skinhead crews which i guess got me into this mentality that got me into trouble. But atleast im not like i was.



 My mom when i got out was paranoid, like extremely paranoid--for example if there was dry wall dust on my desk shed think i was doing coke (when all i did up to that point was smoke pot and drink), and if i got a soda can shed think i was making a pipe out of it just shit like that all the time. I wasnt alowed out after school, and she wouldnt let me listen to my music claiming that it would 'brainwash' me. This all pissed me off, as in NA that i had to go to the biggest junkies in the world had more freedom than i did. I guess my advice would to trust your son enough so that he atleast feels human, and not just imprisoned in his own damn house. With little freedoms like being able to go out with friends, he wont feel too obliged to break rules in order to have any fun. Plus my mom drinks, so yea less you do i dont think you have much to worry about.



I was engaged in my treatment, but it only lasted while i was in treatment. After a while you lose the emotional etatchment for RCA and it just becomes another memory, just another scar. I do think id like to revist sometime though.



best of luck with your kid



-cheers n beers-"


Thanks for the advice... Sorry I was so slow to reply I don't really look at this board too much anymore as I explained before but it was great to see someone own their stuff and give good advice to a Mom who will soon be in the same position with her Son.

I just came home from spending the weekend with him at his boarding school.  He really likes it there too.  Very nice place... the kids seem to enjoy themselves, the food is great and my Son tells us over and over again how glad he is that we sent him someplace that is not a lock down and is teaching him how to express his emotions and help others

I wish I could have done that for him but I couldn't -- I am learning too and your advice is well taken..

Thanks

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Brat Camp / Redcliffer
« on: January 16, 2006, 09:29:00 PM »
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On 2006-01-16 14:11:00, AtomicAnt wrote:

"In all fairness, the tone in her responses matches the tone of the posts she is replying to.

 

I can understanding the family moving. I grew up in a small town where everyone knows everyone. People get pidgeonholed at an early age and it is almost impossible to change the community's perception. I hated it.



I question the methods these programs use. I also question that her son could go from foul mouthed, violent, drug dealer, meth addict, to model citizen just by attending one. I think his exploits may be exaggerated, but I was not there.



But, if he is doing okay, then he is doing okay. I don't believe brainwashing works, not for long. So if he has changed, he has decided to change.



That is the rub for me. It's the part where they break the teenagers. I don't think it is moral, humane, or effective. It is dangerous and harmful."


Thanks Atomic Ant -- my tone was meant to do exactly that -- match the tone of the posts I was replying to as well as the communication skills of those to whom I was responding.  Funny how you all react to being attacked in the same way as you attack others....very interesting!

It seems that anyone with any other point of view than the one that is popular here is attacked.

That is why other reasonable people give up and move on.. which is really too bad because it ends up being very one sided and not very interesting or informative.

From many of the quotes and signatures that posters use I can see that this site is not exactly mainstream -- too bad because lack of reasonable discussion discredits your cause.

Thanks for the invitation to let you know how it goes but I'm sure that if I had anything positive to say then you would find some way to attack that as well so it really isn't worth the trouble. :wave:

3
Brat Camp / Redcliffer
« on: January 15, 2006, 10:30:00 PM »
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On 2006-01-15 11:27:00, Anonymous wrote:

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On 2006-01-05 13:03:00, Anonymous wrote:


How is your son doing now? Mine is doing exceptional. He calls me several times a week and loves his new school (of course it is not a behaviorial mod/level system or WWASP run place) It is a safe place where he can learn in a drug free environment.



We sold our home and are moving out of state just so that he can have a freash start when he gets home in a few months.




Dear Johnny,

  Now that we're done erasing your personality, we're taking the final step and erasing your history, too! Isn't that wonderful, Johnny!



Yes, mom, I'm so thankful, you're the greatest!

 :roll: "

Time will tell.  Right now my son is healthy and happy and clean and sober.  He is looking forward to coming home to live with us in a place where he can not be a slave to his past and other peoples preconceived expectations that he is now and will always be a drug addict.

Nothing will erase his history because that is all that it is -- history.. nothing more nothing less.  Parents move all of the time.. I think it is a little dramatic to say it is erasing anyones history.  

Who said I erased his personaility?  He is the same kid I sent in terms of his core personaility traits -- If he were a drone then I would be very worried.

He is a more considerate person than he was who understands that he is responsibile for his   behavior and choices in life whatever they may be.

He can sit in a classroom and make it through the day without getting kicked out.  He can get through the day without drugs.  He is atriculate and developing a new passion for art and the outdoors.  If that is abuse then I am guilty as charged.

At the end of the day if he wants to return to the pig pen and roll around in the crap then that is his decision.  I am trying to give him the best possible shot at life...

If Redcliff did what this Mom says they did then she has an obligation to shout this from the roof tops and sue them for everything they have... to not do so is more morally corrupt then she accuses them of being.

So what if they have to sue them in Utah.  If she is so concerned as to completely bash an organization and make damaging claims against them shoudn't she be as committed to making them pay for what they have done?

Any good attorney who thinks they have a case should be licking thier chops to get a piece of that money machine.

Have they filed a formal complaint with the state licensing board so other parents will be able to get that information?  Have they filed a civil suit?  Have they alerted the mainstream media?  Did they contact their congress person?

It just does not jive with the organization I know and yes entrusted my son's care to.  Quite frankly I think there is most likely more to your story and you are leaving out some un flattering facts that don't support your arguments.

But then what a terrible awful mother I am.  I should have let him sit in his room and smoke his brains out.

I should have listened more to him when he was calling me every vulgar name in the book because I asked him to come home at night.  I should have asked him to pretty please not deal drugs.

I should have been more understanding when he was using meth and stealing from me and the neighbors --

oh and outpaitent therapy should have worked just as well as inpatient but for that nasty little detail that he went to his meetings and appointments higher than a kite and admits that he does not remember anything that anyone was even saying...

Oh I am sooo glad you have schooled me in the error of my ways...if only I would have taken your advice and done nothing -- my son would have been in a far better place today -- you want to talk about pathetic...maybe you should all get a mirror --

4
Aspen Education Group / My son is currently at Aspen Ranch
« on: January 10, 2006, 12:10:00 AM »
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On 2006-01-09 18:12:00, Antigen wrote:

"
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On 2006-01-09 15:03:00, Mykidsmom wrote:


My kid is alive, clean and sober and going to school every day. He tells me that he is happier than he has ever been and appreciates us caring enough to get him the help he needs.




Yeah, right. Any idea what happens to kids at Aspen who ask to leave?

Step 1. We came to understand that the government is powerless over people's private use of drugs and that the War on Drugs was making the government's life unmanageable.

--Scott Tillinghast


"


I don't think you understood me.  My kid is not at Aspen Ranch -- I visited Aspen Ranch and I got a very bad vibe from the place.

I was hearded around and only allowed to see what they wanted me to see.  We were not allowed to go into the cafeteria where the kids were eating and to see what they were eating.

In fact when we were walking back to our car we saw a couple of kids being made to do pull ups with a Staff member watching them with a walkie talkie...

We went to take a picture of them and the guy said something into is radio and what do you know out comes our tour guide to show us to our car... I left there knowing my kid would never set foot in a place like that.

Again -- cut me some slack here.  I'm not advocating one program over another I'm just telling another Mom that my experience on a visit to Apen Rabch validated her unfortunate experience of having her son there.

5
World Wide Association of Specialty Programs and Schools (WWASPS) / Spring Creek Lodge
« on: January 09, 2006, 11:35:00 PM »
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On 2006-01-09 18:08:00, Antigen wrote:

""Mykidsmom", if you want to troll for referals, buy a goddamned Google ad!



Ya'll, please don't take any too-good-to-be-true offers for help from this friendly stranger. Evidently, he or she is not allowed direct, unsupervised communication w/ their kid either.



WWASP is not the only, maybe not even the worst scam for troubled parents.

 

One does not have to appeal to God to set the initial conditions for the creation of the universe, but if one does He would have to act through the laws of physics.
--Stephen Hawking, English scientist


"


Not trolling for referrals -- the I was offering an alternative.  Is it only your point of view that is welcome here?  I thought this was a place to give and get information.

It was on this site that I got the information that kept me from sending my kid to a WWASP program in the first place.

It was this site that steered me away from Discovery Academy, Provo Canyon School, etc.. etc..as well any type of level or behavior modification plan.

I have no vested interest other than from what I have heard SCL is a dangerous place especially for a younng person who is suicidal.  Someone with those kind of problems should be evaluated in a hospital not a boarding school.
 
Give me a break here.  I am genuine -- really and for the most part I'm totally on your side.

And for your information I can visit my child whenever I want with no advanced notice.  I can just show up and spend the day with him -- get your facts straight before you lump me in with everyone else -- I'm not stupid.

There are a few good places out there.

6
World Wide Association of Specialty Programs and Schools (WWASPS) / Spring Creek Lodge
« on: January 09, 2006, 07:35:00 PM »
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On 2006-01-09 16:19:00, Anonymous wrote:

"I'm 39, I have a 10 year old daughter with some special needs, I tutor/teach a seventeen year old who is an incredibly sweet girl but who these places would consider a "troubled teen" in a heartbeat.  I tutor her because her pshrink says she is unable to attend a regular school.  Her parents (and I, not that that matters) agree.



As a parent, I would be laughing if it wasn't so damned sad that relatives or friends or parents are whinging about a seventeen year old boy being more under the "control" of his girlfriend than of his parents.



I'd be more worried for one that *wasn't*.  



Men who, as teenage boys, made complete idiots of themselves over some teenage girl, and ignored everything their parents said---which is most men---are the ones who mostly end up healthy, functional grown men.



The men who are really screwed up are the ones who are still living with Dear Mama at thirty-five.



A boyfriend/girlfriend having more influence over a teen than the parents is normal and healthy.  Even when the boyfriend/girlfriend has scarily more influence over the teen than the parents do is normal and healthy.



It's okay that parents are scared spitless over that.  That's normal, too.  All parents of normal, reasonably healthy kids (which just means kids who have a typical number of random abnormalities and problems) are frequently scared spitless for our offspring.  That's parenthood, comes with the territory.



Is Alex a screwed up wild child?  Apparently.  Is he wild beyond and outside the normal spectrum of mild to wild in any generation of teens?  Doesn't look it.  Looks like he's a bit wilder than average.



I don't blame his parents at all for being scared spitless.  I blame them for overreacting and providing a "solution" that (in my opinion) is worse for any child than any problem.



Mr. and Mrs. Alex's Parents: You're either naive or control freaks, and the responsible thing to do would be to wise up and transfer your kid to a reputable 6 week or 3 month drug rehab program, not a troubled teen RTC.  Reputable 6 wk to 3 mo. drug rehab has good success rates.  Troubled teen RTCs just further damage your child--if you leave your kid there and don't have disastrous, family shattering results, you'll be very lucky.



Nobody likes being told they're screwing up, but you're screwing up.



There is no excuse for sending a drug abusing adult or child to any facility for longer than 100 days, *maximum*, because there isn't any good evidence that adding more time does any better job of getting someone off drugs and keeping them sober.



The only thing sending a drug abusing child to a facility for longer than 100 days does is get the inconvenient, unpleasant kid out of your hair and put the kid through hell---for no other reason than getting him out of your hair or exerting absolute control over every minute of his life, 24/7.



I would not send my child to a WWASP facility, any WWASP facility, even if she was in the hospital in critical condition from OD-ing on crank.



I'd send her to rehab somewhere in that case, but not any WWASP facility.  I'd never send anyone, even someone at death's door, to any rehab facility for a course of rehab longer than three months.



Why?  



There is no sensible reason to believe that any rehab course longer than three months, max, does any better than a three month or less rehab course.  Advertising form places that try to sell you long Programs doesn't count as a sensible reason.  They don't have reputable, scientific studies that say these Programs are good for the people who go through them.  The available reputable evidence goes the other way.



Look at what the government itself says when it defines "long term" for drug rehab treatment:



"The median length of stay for completed long-term residential treatment episodes was 75 days, ranging from 73 days for cocaine to 91 days for opiates."



73 to 91 days is "long term"---not six months to years.  Judges aren't putting, for example, 25 year old drunk drivers in adult versions of six months to multi-year residential Programs like SCL.  They would exist for adults, and repeat drunk drivers or drugged drivers *would* be getting sent if they *worked*.  They don't.



Or not any better than a drug rehab course that is 3 months *at the most*.



You can get all kinds of actual research information from http://oas.samhsa.gov -- which is the site I culled that quote from.



Julie



"


Anyone who has done a minimal amount of research on any WASP program can easily see that there is far too much negative information on far too many independant web sites.

I ran into a sales person for Spring Creek Lodge when I was seeking a program for my son.  Boy was he smooth... he had me ready to sign on the bottom line until I started checking them out...

I guess what I am saying is that from someone who has a child who spent 104 days in wilderness (says to this day that it was the best experience of his life) and is now in a boarding school for the next 6-9 months -- do your research... I would pull this kid in a heartbeat from any WWASP program especially that one.

As far as the length of time goes, my first sniff of trouble was that the length of the contract -- why should you have a predetermined contract???? What if your child is ready to come home before then... when I hear about these kids staying for years it makes me sick.

If I had a child in a facility (and I do) and I was not getting excellent feedback on how the child was progressing and that they both (the child and the facility) felt like they were progressing -- I would pull them.  

Kids will be kids but if they are not moving forward then either it is not a good match or there is something seriously wrong.

Sorry didn't mean to ramble... ::soapbox::

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Aspen Education Group / My son is currently at Aspen Ranch
« on: January 09, 2006, 06:03:00 PM »
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On 2006-01-09 12:07:00, Anonymous wrote:

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On 2006-01-07 07:32:00, Anonymous wrote:


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On 2006-01-06 17:13:00, Anonymous wrote:



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On 2006-01-05 21:25:00, Antigen wrote:




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On 2005-12-23 17:16:00, Anonymous wrote:











You might check out Rancho Valmora in New Mexico -- my son is there and he really likes it.













Same acredidation as WWASP; NATSAP. They'd grant acredication to a school of fish.

No laws, however stringent, can make the idle industrious, the thriftless provident, or the drunken sober
--Samuel Stiles





"










Honestly I didn't even look at that... Anybody can create their own accrediation group -- and just for the record -- the WWASPS are not accrediated by that group.







Maybe you should get your facts before you lump everyone together.







I called the state licensing board, I researched them over the internet (no not their corporate site), checked the local paper archives for news stories and went on a personal visit.







I could not find one scrap of negative information on them and when I visited them I had full access and was allowed to walk the grounds un escorted.







They are a high quality organization and my child is thriving there.







"







I guess that's better than living with a low-quality parent.  Like the kind that sends their kid to an "organization" to be raised."




Hi -- I'm the so called low quality parent you speak of -- out from the anon... Just exactly how many kids do you have??? You speak with such authority on the subject?  How old are they??

Obviously I was not giving my son what he needed and I loved him enough to do the research and find someplace that could help us.  



Having your child in a good program for 6 months is far better than what was happening at home.  



My kid is alive, clean and sober and going to school every day.  He tells me that he is happier than he has ever been and appreciates us caring enough to get him the help he needs.



If that makes me a low quality parent then I guess I am.  I just wonder what makes you such an authority?



Come out from behind your anon and share your insightful wisdom with all of us."


Sorry that was me...

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