Fornits

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An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

I come on this list infrequently to check for people who were in Springfield w/me from 10/86-2/88.

Knowing that many survivors are sensitive about identity issues, I will not post specific names, but I do see many people who I remember. I'd like to hear from you and know how you are.

My name is Michael Cadaret. I was 19 when I entered, so I was a little older than most.

Just would like to hear from people, feel free to e-mail me or to send a private message, if that is preferable.

Yours, Michael

Totalitarianism is like a specter which drinks the blood of the living and so achieves reality, while the victims go on existing as a mass of living corpses.

http://www.whitecloud.com/fight_vs_totalitarianism.htm' target='_new'>Karl Jaspers, The Fight Against Totalitarianism (1963)

Anon,

Thank you for saying what I was thinking. I would no sooner walk into an open meeting now than I would stick a feather up my ass and fly.

I do however have a sick fantasy of showing up at "THE BUILDING" in my clerical collar and kicking some Executive Staff Ass. Just a little fantasy from the resident ordained minister on the forum.

your bro,
Michael

You can lead a camel to water but you can't make it stink (any more than it already does)
-- Job

Carmel,

Words fail in times like these. The least I can do is follow Bill's lead and keep you on top.

Know of my continued prayers for you.

your brother,
Michael

The worst government is the most moral. One composed of cynics
is often very tolerant and human. But when fanatics are on top,
there is no limit to oppression.

--H.L. Mencken

Below is a post I sent on another thread, but it seems appropriate here. Clay sums up my life 16 years later. Over it - yes and no. Some things are great, others are not.

The old post begins here:
I post on this forum often, but I do keep a close eye on it. But, I've been reading this thread, and need to say that my father has his head so far up his ass on Straight that I don't think he'll ever see the light of day.

I actually searched out this and Wes Fager's site after my father talked about how great he thought Straight was for me. That was last July 4th. On the drive home after a long silence, I said to my wife, "Dad's full of shit." And the weirdest sensation went over me. "Full of shit." A wave of memories from Straight. I had always retained some limited memory, but over the passing of 15 years I had put some things away, so to speak. They were all coming back. My wife drove, and I told her stories, intermitently crying and yelling. She just drove with tears streaming down her face.

July 5th rolled around, and she asked what I was going to do about all this. I did a Google search and found websites. My wife and I read through them, and she observed that they explained much, my insomnia, nightmares, temper, insecurity, paranoia, and (that totally fucked-up straightling word) "awfulizing." (My step-mother constantly uses that word. After I pointed out to my wife that it was straight-speak, we agreed to strike it from our collective vocabulary.)

My wife comes and hugs me now, when she notices that it's 3:00am and I'm not sleeping. She never had given it any thought before. If she notices that I'm having a nightmare, she wakes me, takes me to look at our kids sleeping, and whispers "they're what's real to you now." When I am assuming that things are going to turn out shitty, she reminds me to have faith saying, "they can't hurt you anymore." She lets me sleep with a light on. I couldn't be more blessed than to have her be understanding the way she has been.

My dad. I love him, but we're not close. My kids love him, but they sense my tension when we are around him. But fuck him. We have a surface relationship - my wife and I do the obligatory crap. He doesn't really know who I am anymore and hasn't for some time. I don't rely on him for identity or esteem anymore. That makes me sad - that I could really give less than a shit that we aren't close. I wish it were another way, but it's not and probably won't be. That reality predates my entering Straight, but the fact of the matter is, my being in Straight was one of his deepest abandonments of me, his son. Sadly, I doubt that I will ever reconcile that feeling. I was pissed off righteously for what seemed like an eternity, and now I just feel sad. Sad that I would just say "fuck him," but hey, "FUCK HIM."

I recently have really hurt his feelings. I'm about to graduate from seminary and be ordained as a minister in the Episcopal Church. Neither he nor his wife are getting one of the limited tickets to my graduation, nor am I asking him to present me for ordination. He told me that he felt "disappointed." Guess what I thought? That's right let's say it all together now - "FUCK HIM." I told him that the people who helped to put my life right were the ones I asked to participate in these huge events in my life. I guess I am still pissed-off, but mostly I am sad that my first response to my dad is ... well you know what it is.

Anyway. Thanks for being so patient with my rant.

I pray we all find peace somehow, someway.
This is where I left the old post.


your brother,
Michael Cadaret

In order to live free and happily you must sacrifice boredom. It is not always an easy sacrifice.
-- Richard Bach

Heh heh. I chose Satan from South Park, and I'm about to be ordained as a deacon and priest in the Episcopal Church

Heh heh.

Life is like a shit sandwich; the more bread you got, the less shit you gotta eat.
--Anonymous

Anonymous,

It would be helpful to me at least if you would articulate your specific relationship to this treatment center which you believe is being unfairly maligned.

There are many flavors of response to Straight on this message board and many ways in which the people who post here have gotten on with their lives. (Or tragically, have been unable to) However, no matter the varied the response, those who post here most frequently or rarely post but read often (like me) do articulate their relationship to Straight. We are survivors.

Inherent in this relationship is the fact that there are many who did not survive (including friends of mine) the brutal physical, psychological, and spiritual abuse suffered while in Straight. We are survivors, for whatever twisted reason we live on with our nightmares and memories.

You ask about objectivity. You are foolish to do so. This board does not mince words in its name. We are survivors. You ask if we have visited this particular treatment center. I cannot say, but my guess is that representatives of this motley band would be denied access. What I can say is we lived through it (also inherent in the moniker - survivor). Why do you come here and deny our experience? We do not tend toward exaggeration when describing Straight around here. We are not liars, nor did we deserve the treatment we received at Straight. If this place is a Straight legacy (and it sounds like it is), most of us have a pretty good idea about what it is like, because we are survivors.

Why do deny the experience of those who you classify as "disgruntled ex-clients that are bent on revenge because at one time, someone was trying save them from their self-destructive behavior?" Has it crossed your mind that they might not be exaggerating or lying? Maybe they, like other survivors, have reason to be enraged (most of us have reason to be feel way beyond disgruntled). Do you believe they deserved harsh treatment? Tell me, do clients get violently confronted? Do they need to get "broken down because they are full of shit?" Do they "earn consequences for misbehavior?" Are they just whining now? Is it all just "tough love" done by noble, caring counselors and compliant, empathetic fellow-clients? And since when are treament center counselors saviors? Is that a consistent idea with AA and NA (the only programs with any real success in contending with addiction)?

I have my opinion about all these questions, Anonymous, but I am anxious to hear yours. (Many will hear Straight catch-phrases in the language I chose) I will comment on my last point, however. One of Straight's strategies was to convince families that counselors and compliant oldcomers were saviors. This strategy allowed families to deny or rationalize the abusive behavior that went on at Straight (and sometimes in their own homes). This strategy effectively made criticism of the program's tactics impossible by those involved in the program. It was brainwashing. Straight's attitude was basically, "If we want your opinion we'll give it to you."

Counselors are not saviors. They do not save people form self-destructive behaviors. They counsel addicts that they might live "one day at a time" and "keeping it simple." They counsel addicts to live this way because they won't be saved. They will be addicts for life. If Pathway Family Center tells you that they are saving addicts, they have a deeply skewed philosophy of the work they are doing. There are many good treatment centers that do not have this skewed sense of mission, and yet still candidly deal with the very harsh realities of addiction. I commend Wes Fager's site to you and his minimums for humane treatment at centers that deal primarily with children. He is very insightful.

You can, of course, disregard everything I have said. I am a survivor, and I do not claim to be objective. I still have nightmares, insomnia, fits of paralyzing self-doubt...... None are my imagination. None do I deserve. None were necessary for me to be saved.

By the way, I do sign my posts.

I am, though you may not believe it, your brother,

Michael Cadaret

Scott,
When I first came here last summer, I was told that Glen Steepleton (Springfield) had also committed suicide.

I was in Springfield from Oct. 86 - Mar. 88. Glenn was on 4th and 5th phase and staff for awhile when I was there. So I imagine that he was a contemporary of yours at Sprinfield



M-

[ This Message was edited by: mcadaret on 2003-01-30 07:48 ]

Thanks to those who replied publicly and privately.

To those of you who did respond privately, I would like to be able to correspond with you privately, if you are comfortable with that. And if it is possible, I would appreciate your passing along my contact information to any of our common friends from the program who may not be a part of this forum.

yours,
Michael

[ This Message was edited by: mcadaret on 2002-07-13 12:45 ]