Fornits

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An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

I took a Paxil and it made me feel like I was on a 48 hour cocaine come-down.  I couldnt sleep, had trouble talking, thinking....they say it is a treatment for anxiety.  Well, it amped my anxiety up threefold when I tried it.  I ditched that bottle almost immediately.

We werent allowed ANY TV, no nintendo, no nothing....we couldnt even hear the TV until 3rd phase.  

On Sundays, I hated it because unless I woke up at 6 in the morning, and got "un-keyed" from the room early....I never got a moment to myself as an oldcomer.  I was on third phase but my host sister was a fifth phaser, so she was always gone on days off.  I was left with 4-5 newcomers all by myself, sometimes 2-3 of them were non-compliant so they gave me hell all day long.  I almost preferred being at the building where I wasnt in charge of so many people all at once.  My host sister was a spiteful bitch, so even when she came home she wouldnt help me do anything.  She threatened me continually with her superior standing.  Towards the end of my program I was physically exhausted just from worrying about other people.  Refreshers were a God-send.  I almost wished I would get ripped for something during Open Meeting Rap on Friday so that I could spend the weekend on a Set-Back.  That meant better food and no shitty host sister and newcomers for 2-3 days.

I was so busy adhereing to the damn rules of daily straight life that I couldnt even begin to think about "therapy".

I ran twice from Straight...both times were on the first day of school after reaching third phase.  I was caught and started over the first time, so I worked my way back up and then ran again.  What was funny was I had no intention of running until the very moment that I did it.  I fully intended to try and graduate the second time around.  I took one step out of my first period class room and never looked back.  I lived on the streets in an unfamiliar town for a whole month before calling my parents.  It was said that Straight made the parents pay all the fees over from the beginning if the client was out for more than 31 days.  So I waited.....

Straight said I would die if I left....well I left, and because of the circumstances of leaving I came closer to death from being in Straight than probably any situation I had or would ever encounter that involved using drugs or alcohol.

That may be so....if you are one who puts stock in such statistics.  I personally am one who questions them.

Just because an adolescent is at fault for violation of drug policy, does not make him/her a confirmed drug addict in need of intense mind breaking treatment.  

I do not deny that there are many many teens and young adults in need of help, in need of a solution to their addictions....its a very real problem in the world.  But I think the demonizing of "illegal" drugs provides us with a skewed perception of what is really dangerous.  A person can get ripped out of their mind on alcohol in public OR at home, often times to a degree much more than the next guy sitting at home smoking a bowl with his buddies....but we all tend to shudder at the latter because marijuana is "illegal".  What truly is the worse situation once we look beyond the written law?

A parent expects the inevitable transgression of experimentation by their children.  But what I am getting at here all in all is, when does the transgression become habit? And is a zero tolerance attitude really not just a very dangerous stance to take?

We were taken out of group for one-on-one conferences...oh, every few months or so.  That was our "individual tailored therapy".  Anyway, the girl who was going to talk with me took me outside in the parking lot for our session.  It was just a parking lot, but it was a beautiful summer day.  I hadnt been allowed outside for more than walking to and from the car in 5 months.

Also, we had a long weekend at this one girls host home, it was a really nice place...and they let us sit by the patio door at night with it open so that we could feel close to being outside.....anyway, one night we were sitting and all of a sudden the whole bakyard was filled with fire flies....they were everywhere and so beautiful....I just broke down in tears when i saw them.

I think being able to be outside in fresh air was what I missed the most in Straight.

That whole website just gave me chills...they make it sound so wonderful...yeah right.

I also read down the list of staff member qualifications.  They try to say that they have degreed staff blah blah....yeah, ONE psychiatrist, and ONE psychologist.  Just like Straight had....and you almost never saw them...if at all.  Its the "Peer Mentors" that run the treatment....they cant possibly do what they say with only two professial people on staff...not for the 100 kids that are probably in there.

They are very informative while at the same time being extremely vauge about the treatment process.  Makes me want to run up there and pull all those kids out and just bring them home with me.

We all had this impressive string of drugs that we had to rattle off to anyone when asked......more or less a self-condemnation recited on cue.  

Regardless of the fact that we all added drugs to our list in order to please the Staff and Group....how many of you think that putting things like "inhalants" and "uppers" just because we may have huffed glue once in junior high, or experimented with a No-Doz that we found in our parents bathroom drawer....just really shouldnt have counted?  

I guess it really depended on your personal situation, if the above was ALL you ever did...which in my opinion does not constitute a drug problem....or if you were a hardcore heroin addict and the above was small potatoes.  

Just curious on the opinions here....

Here is my annotated drug list!

Hi, my name is Carmel, I used alcohol (a drug!), pot, acid, exstasy (not X, thats druggie slang!), uppers (no-doz), Downers (Ny-quil without asking my mom), cocaine, crack, PCP, (all of these added together because I smoked a laced joint once and wasnt really sure which of these it was laced with, better safe than sorry!)inhalants (Scotch Guard)....you get the point.....I am a hardcore multi-drug user, and I am dangerous to myself and others.

I had used very little before I was put into Straight...it wasnt until I got out that I actually got anywhere near developing a drug probelm!

We had to ask to pick up anything, ask to stand up, sit down, and to "talk out" when we wanted to talk to a fellow newcomer. There were no exceptions or variances from one oldcomer to another, if you didnt ask or if the oldcomer failed to notice that you didnt, it was grounds for being FOS. Being "unaware" was huge too....every single newcomer had to be in your sight at all times except for when the door was locked to the bedroom at night and the room and newcomers had been searched.  It usually meant a lot of walking backwards and tripping just trying to watch everyone all at once....try it with just one oldcomer (me) and up to five newcomers every night...two or three of which were misbehaving and trying to run out of the room on you.  

I really felt like slave labor there towards the end, my shitty host sister was on fifth phase and always left me alone with all the responsibilites at night....I was sleep deprived, and so busy watching over them that I ceased to have any time to my own "therapy" and was confronted in group about not "standing out more in group".  

It became a huge releif when I got put on refreshers and didnt have to watch ANYONE when I got home.  

My host sister was a real bitch, she threatened me with some piddly little bullshit whenever I tried to ask her for more help with the home situation.  She was a fifth phaser so of course she was untouchable.  

I actually got confronted in group once about some newcomer girl not writing her MI the night before.....to their suprise I informed them that she hadnt even BEEN in my host home the previous night, and wasnt even my newcomer.  Of course I, got ripped anyway for something like not being aware of the girls razors or some shit...and ended up on the potential FOS list for the next rip rap.  Wow, it is funny how it all comes back.

Seems to me that most of everything I see on this board is anti-Straight.  I am not sure who your coments are directed at....but I find it offensi that you made the generalization of everyone defending the merits of Straights tough love bullshit.  If this was directed at an individual, please say so....otherwise maybe you should look around a bit before passing judgement.  I spent a year in Straight, and I dont advocate a single shre of what went on there.  I noticed in another post that you berated Kathy for being ignorant of Straight and that if she wanted the real story, you could give it.  Well, I hate to burst your bubble and your offer of "peace", butmost of us here have "the story" to give as well.  A first hand story.  Your idea of "coming in peace" sounded very much like something that would have came straight from a staff members mouth in group.  Also, we are entitled to our opinions here....people may not always agree....but there seems to be level of respect that accompanies the arguments that occur on this board.  If you want some people to school on ignorance and petty arguments, check out the Yahoo board for Straight Survivors.



As far as I can tell everyone's story and point of view is welcome here without the threat of being put down or berated, please keep that in mind for the future.  I would be happy to hear your story, as it is a healing process for many to recount what happened with others that understand.


Just a little note: I re-read your post and I  that I may have mis-interpreted, if you meant you comments to be directed at "those out there who believe in tough love" to be people actually in the world rather than on this board, then please disregard my post.  

[ This Message was edited by: Carmel on 2002-03-06 08:24 ]