Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.


Messages - SUCK IT

Pages: 1 ... 5 6 [7] 8 9 ... 28
91
The Troubled Teen Industry / Re: Post your positive program experiences
« on: August 19, 2010, 02:46:11 AM »
Thanks for the great advice Pile of Dead Kids. Perhaps tonight I will go buy a bag of meth, steal a car and some money and go pick up my old friends and return to the way I was, no thanks. I sort of laughed when I read your reply, I don't think you would mean that if you knew me then and now. This thread is about posting positive experiences. What you view as positive depends on your perspective, some people posted them leaving was positive or when they told off some staff they didn't like. Thanks for your concerns about me though, and thanks for your  post.

Awake I am not pushing any agenda, or that programs are miracles and everyone gets saved. I can only speak for myself, and I know that it did save my life for reasons I've explained before, i won't bore people with more of it now. It wasn't anything more than removing me from my life at home, and putting me in a controlled environment. That is what did the trick, the therapy and LGAT and discipline and structure helped, but it isn't what saved my life. Not being able to run away, and do drugs and try to harm myself is what saved me. I learned some important life lessons along the way, and had some positive experiences like I posted in this thread. The process wasn't very fun and it as stressful a lot of times, but I do know it was necessary and I would have been dead for sure without it. Thanks for your posts.

Thanks Whooter for your common sense.

958472582
I choose to post on this forum honestly. I know that can rub people the wrong way, but this forum claims to welcome all opinions and points of view, in an open free for all discussion, this is their words not mine. If I had an agenda like trying to push a certain program, or make them all seem evil, I wouldn't post in an honest way. It would be more political, and I would concern myself more with how I am perceived. But i really don't care how I come off, because I don't come here with an agenda other than to share my own experiences and opinions, and conclusions based on my thinking. I've talked about how I think fornits has group think and mythology, and it was proved by the post immediately following your own. Is it really that unbelievable that a troubled teen would be sent to a program, and it might actually have helped? To some people this is 100% out of the realm of possibility. When in reality, it is a quite frequent, dare I say, regular occurrence. I've been trying recently to be more respectful, less confrontational and base my posts on my own experiences and opinions rather than talk about what other people are saying, and I am really trying. Because this is a subject I am interested in because I lived through a lot of treatment and it had a profound impact on me, in that it helped me come out of the darnkess of my self imposed misery and self destruction and it was an important part of my life. It doesn't bother me that people are critical of programs, I would be too if I felt that it didn't help, was abusive, or whatever. I simply choose to confront what I view as absurdities that are accepted as fact on fornits, and I try to base my thinking in reality, and common sense. I try hard to be honest with myself and at this point in my life, I will be honest about my program experiences even if it makes a few people upset on this forum. Thanks for your post.

92
The Troubled Teen Industry / Re: Post your positive program experiences
« on: August 18, 2010, 04:50:24 PM »
I don't consider the troubled teen I ended up being, the real me. That's why I commented about how I feel the real me was more like the kid before I became a teen. When referring to killing my old self, I am talking about killing my troubled teen personality and behaviors. It was either it, or me. Because that's a person who was desperately trying to destroy themselves as quickly as possible. Unfortunately I don't think it was fully successful however, because I still retain some of the addictive traits I had back then (which is why I think its a disease), although I work very hard to control that part of my self now. Back then I embraced it, and lived my entire life within that part of my personality, that was "me".

So when I say that part of me needed to be killed off, that troubled teen self, that's what I mean. I've admitted it before, I was very, very self centered back then. Even a group of people couldn't convince me I needed to change, ultimately it took a lot of things to get me to change. The private program I was at, however, I can accredit with being like the triage, or trauma unit of my overall treatment experience. I was in most danger right when I was sent there, and things calmed down a bit after getting out because the world had changed, and I slowly began to recover after that.

I know what you are getting at, I've read all about LGAT here and how people view this. In my experience this was a very small part of the overall experience though, for me personally it was more of a personal journey and discovery of finding myself. Group therapy can be helpful for me sometimes, but my issues were really about breaking down my own barriers and lies in my own head. I didn't know myself, didn't really pay attention to what was really going on. I was living like an animal in search of food, very instinctual and basic. I had to wake up and look around at the world and myself honestly.

93
Open Free for All / Re: Suicide
« on: August 18, 2010, 04:08:47 PM »
The long term private program I finally ended up at was the last option. For several years actually my parents tried all the local options, and I would just manipulate my way out of them. I would just sit there and laugh at therapists, and say nothing. When I was put in a hospital I just lied  and promised to be sober and said I'm fine and they let me out. When I would get arrested I would say it will never happen again. When they decided to put me in community based residential treatment I ran away and got high and they kicked me out. I would be put in hospital again for being suicidal, but they would always let me out in a matter of days or weeks. The community options aren't designed to be long term, and didn't work for someone like me who is willing to do anything to stay the way they are. I was a suicidal drug addict, who regularly committed crimes and had no regard to authority, of my family or the law.

My family really couldn't afford long term treatment, they had insurance to pay for everything prior from their work, but out of pocket was difficult. But they had no other choice and sold things, and cut back on expenses. My own actions cost my family a lot of money, and took away from things my siblings would have got. My own selfishness caused great suffering and setbacks for my entire family. Back then though, I felt like I was the victim. I was very self centered and arrogant, and really didn't care about anybody else but myself. I wanted what I wanted, and I would do anything, say anything, and go anywhere to do it. I actually had so many issues and such a long and sordid history that the private program was reluctant to take me at first, but my family begged and pleaded and told them it was the only option left. Had I been left to my own devices back then, I would of surely ended up in jail, or dead.

The program knew I was suicidal and put me on suicide watch and, literally would watch me 24 hrs a day, and it worked. I even tried once and was forcefully stopped, I was held down and kept from doing it and then talked down from the emotional state I was in. This is something that cannot be provided in a community option, or by parents themselves. It might seem extreme, and it was to me at the time, it seemed excessive. But to look back at my behavior in an honest way now makes me ashamed, and also understanding of all the actions the people surrounding me were forced to take. When you are a minor, people aren't going to sit around and let you destroy yourself. Your parents are ultimately responsible, and when I'd get in trouble with the law they were constantly reminded of that. I created so many problems for my family, it makes me sad to think about it. I hope in the long run they can forgive me for how I was, but I don't expect it really. It took me some time to learn to take personal accountability for everything I did, and not look at myself as a victim of my family, or treatment programs, or the law. It was me, it was all me, and people were just trying to intervene before it was too late. The program saved my life, by saving me from myself. It's pathetic to admit something like that, but its 100% accurate.

94
The Troubled Teen Industry / Re: Post your positive program experiences
« on: August 18, 2010, 03:44:18 PM »
Quote from: "anythinganyone"
You sound like one of those nasty WWASP seminar facilitators, spouting such things as "magical child" under new terminology and so forth.  I wish I still had my "seminar binder".

At Cross Creek, everyone but staff buddies in a group were allowed cake during birthdays.  The birthday of a staff buddy brought no cake.  Which reminds me, when kids were given a CANDY BAR like SNICKERS for winning the "leader of the month" award, and shit, that was a WONDERFUL reward, because we did not get CANDY BARS...

But we did get pies made of whipped cream and cake...

Where I was at, we got to go pick out candy and junk food once per week. We'd all wait while other people picked, the more far along in the program you were the more you got. The kids doing well would get like 4 items of candy, and some junk food. To me it always seemed like a lot. Every kid got something, the new kids would get to pick 1 piece of candy. When I say piece of candy I mean a full size candy bar, and regular sized candy packaging. They had chips, soda, candy, junk food, and other things like toiletry items that were pretty nice people got to pick from. We were all given what we needed, the basics, and good food. But if you did well, then you could get a lot of candy and other perks. I don't see this as abusive or a negative thing, its like in school when you did something right you got rewarded. The birthday cakes were really good, like a 2" deep cake in a cake pan with a thick layer of frosting on top. It was really good cake. As far as me sounding like seminar people, well I didn't walk out of a program brainwashed. Most of the conclusions I've come to happened well outside the program, after years of reflection and finally being able to get honest with myself.

95
The Troubled Teen Industry / Re: Post your positive program experiences
« on: August 18, 2010, 03:38:46 PM »
Quote from: "Awake"

If you felt that for yourself you needed a program to assist you in suicide, that is fine. If the SUCK IT of today is better than what you were before maybe it was a good choice for you. I hope you are not suggesting that you believe that someone should be forced to got through lengthy exhausting rituals that, unbeknownst to them, will require a negative group growth dynamic to acheive ego death among the participants, are you?

I don't even know what you're talking about. The only time in my life I attained ego death was when I took way too many shrooms all at once. I'm not claiming I know what works for other people, I'm simply commenting on my own experiences.

96
The Troubled Teen Industry / Re: Post your positive program experiences
« on: August 18, 2010, 03:02:35 AM »
Some , like me for instance, desperately needed the old self killed off. My way of coping was self destructive and my behaviors were literally suicidal. I was on a path of self destruction and the program stood in my way and told me I couldn't keep doing what i was doing. By stopping the self destructive and negative behaviors I let my true self shine through, the really old self, the one I forgot about a long time ago, like I was when I was a little innocent child. That's what I gained back through a long process of self discovery and learning to take personal accountability for my actions and role in my own fate. I'm thankful somebody/something finally stood in my way on my path to death and destruction. I know not everybody feels this way, but I really needed help even though i didn't want it or ask for it. Being in a program was stressful but there were also some positive times and I just thought I'd post some of them in this thread. When I first got in the program I viewed myself as a victim of circumstance, not realizing that it was my own actions that created my reality. It took maturity and time and being able to look at my own experience with an open mind for that to change. It can be a freeing experience to get honest, really honest with yourself because really, sometimes the most obvious things are hidden from ourselves, that other people tend to notice right away.

97
The Troubled Teen Industry / Re: Post your positive program experiences
« on: August 17, 2010, 07:32:32 PM »
Another positive experience I had was Thanksgiving dinner at the program. I was a lot more thankful for things then, when you realize how much you take for granted, after it's taken away. I was grateful that I was still alive and could make the choices needed to help myself. We got to eat a lot of food, and even desserts, and everyone had a lot of fun. It was kind of sad to be away from family, but being away made me appreciate them even more, and I knew if I improved myself I could be back with my family the next year's Thanksgiving. But the people I shared the dinner with were my new family so it was a positive experience overall.

98
Open Free for All / Re: If You Really Knew Me
« on: August 17, 2010, 01:08:45 PM »
These articles were written a long time ago, I think some things have changed. When I read these articles it doesn't match up to what I see on MTV. It's not a psycho cry fest, at least from what they show on TV. It seems to work, and real problems seem to get resolved. I think it's better that people are trying to address the issues in high school, obviously there are problems that go on and it's better to release some of the tension before it boils over into something more serious like Columbine.

99
The Troubled Teen Industry / Re: Post your positive program experiences
« on: August 17, 2010, 02:56:25 AM »
They gave cakes to everybody,  so I don't see how it was used as manipulation. The most controversial part of the whole thing was who you would give the biggest pieces to. The cake was really big, like a 12"x24" cake pan with lots of frosting. You got to cut it up however you wanted and then give the pieces away to your friends. Since cake wasn't an everyday occurrence, it was a fun thing to get something that tasted so good. Some people would split their cakes evenly among everybody. Others would cut a couple huge pieces for their best friends, and then little pieces for everyone else. Everyone cut it differently, depending on who their friends were and stuff like that. But that didn't involve the staff or anything, because everybody got the exact same cake, same size and everything. It didn't matter how well you were doing in the program, everybody got a cake.

100
The Troubled Teen Industry / Re: Post your positive program experiences
« on: August 16, 2010, 03:12:01 PM »
Here's another positive experience I had. On our birthday's we got a cake with our dinner, and share it with other people. So it created a relaxed and fun situation. We got to eat a lot and most people gained weight. I know the girls complained about it.

101
Open Free for All / Re: Fornits AA/NA Chapter
« on: August 16, 2010, 02:54:52 PM »
For me personally I believe addiction is closer to a disease than a choice. Using for the first time is a choice, after that it becomes very difficult and the more it goes on, the less and less it feels like a choice. Eventually whatever choice existed, is no longer an option and the only choices are where/how will I be able to use next? I have friends who seem to be able to use drugs on the weekends, and go back to work on Monday like nothing happened. I envy them. But if I start on a friday night, I won't stop until I run out of money, or what usually happens is whoever I'm buying from puts a stop to it. I've had several different dealers flat out refuse to sell me more, and every time that happens I know something is wrong. When your drug dealer is telling you no, sorry buddy, but you got to stop for a few days before I'll sell you any more then you realize you have issues.

So yes I suppose it is a choice. The choice of whether I'll use that first time, and to remain in the right mind set to make the right choice everyday things like AA help. Even the corny sayings help a lot, and just the idea of that AA is out there and there are people who will help. Its sort of a safety net, like a life jacket. I don't plan on falling off the boat, most people on boats do not. But you wear the life jacket just in case you do fall off, even if you think you can swim. Because it might just keep you afloat in your most desperate hour. I know you can't take somebody's blood and diagnose them with "addiction", but the term disease is accurate from my view because it's a lifelong issue that never really goes away (for me at least). Its like living with diabetes or psoriasis or something, you might not have symptoms, but every now and then you might have a flare up and need to treat it. i'm not trying to start an argument about it, just stating my opinion in my own personal experience with addiction issues.

102
The Troubled Teen Industry / Re: STOP HR911 Already
« on: August 16, 2010, 02:45:06 PM »
Quote from: "anythinganyone"

However, a private hospital still has to follow government regulations.  They can not just offer experimental, "new and creative", possibly dangerous ways of doing things legally outside these regulations.  I'm sure if a fair number of patients got very sick in a private hospital on account of neglect, the government would step in.

I've been in treatment run by the government, and I'd take private treatment programs any day of the week over that. If I had to pinpoint the most negative part of my entire treatment experience, it involves the state hospital/police. The worst things I ever saw were in the regulated hospitals and rehabs I was in, so that's where I'm coming from.

103
The Troubled Teen Industry / Re: STOP HR911 Already
« on: August 16, 2010, 02:42:21 PM »
Quote from: "Oscar"
Before you can have unsatisfied parents and teens, someone needs to be sacrificed. Who is volunteering their child to test a new program out?

Parents who have tried everything else, with no results. Parents with troubled teens who are intent on destroying themselves, as I was, don't give up they just try something new. Well some parents might give up, I don't know. But I'm glad my parents did not. Suicide is in the top 3 killers of adolescents, so we know that doing nothing is dangerous as well, although this is rarely mentioned on fornits for some reason. Apparently, only the suicides after someone goes through treatment count as political points to end the treatment industry. Many kids suffer because their parents ignore the symptoms and don't seek help for their teen, this is something completely ignored on this forum.

104
The Troubled Teen Industry / Re: Fornits group think
« on: August 11, 2010, 02:04:25 PM »
Running away will only make things worse. I know, because I did it. The escape guides and all that posted on fornits are nothing but fantasy fiction. Not much can be done to keep parents from sending kids to treatment, especially from an internet forum. To release some of this frustration, people imagine and come up with exciting ways to escape programs, to fight their captors and/or manipulate their parents and staff to get released early, or to "prevent brainwashing". In the end, these actions will, in fact, only make things worse for the person listening to and acting on this advice.

If you run away, you will instantly prove that you needed to be there. Why? Because you are willing to risk your life despite the obvious consequences of being a teenager on the run in unknown territory with no help. This screams, "I don't care about my life". From the perspective of parents and programs, running away is your fastest ticket to a longer and more intense stay. I'd avoid it at all costs. When I tried, not only did I get punished and lost a lot of privileges I had been granted, but it made my parents and the program even more adamant that I stay and work on myself. So I would never suggest a kid run from a program. Double that when talking about a girl, especially one as young as 15. Being alone on the street is much more dangerous than being in a program, sorry but this is a fact.  You think programs are abusive? Wait till you meet some of the psychos on the street who will gladly "save you from the program", and then do God knows what.

I'm bothered by the bad information passed off here as advice. I probably wouldn't say anything if the advice was being directed at a 16, or 17 year old boy. Even then, it's dangerous. But a 15 year old girl? This advice to run away is suicidal. The fact the program being discussed has no history of abuse and not mentioned on fornits means something. There is a reason not one kid that went there has made a post on the internet about it being abusive, most likely it is not. Brainwashed can sound like a scary word to someone who never experienced programs. Fornits is adept at scare tactics, I'll give them that. But I went to supposedly one of the worst programs there are, and I was never brainwashed. I actually left feeling bitter. It took some maturity and time to figure out for myself how I truly felt long after the experienced had passed.

I think this advice being posted in fornits group think thread is not a coincidence. The way information can be distorted and adopted as truth here is shocking. Giving advice to a young teenage girl to run away from a program is simply bad advice, irresponsible and could result in tragedy. Would the people here feel bad if a young teenage kid followed the advice, and was hurt, kidnapped, or killed as a result? Or would it be another feather in their cap, a win, because at least the program didn't get them? I don't know what kind of games people are playing here, but sometimes it's downright dangerous.

The good thing is, most kids going to programs never find fornits. So they go into programs without preconceptions about how bad it is going to be, and get to experience it for what it is, not what they expect it to be. Although, imaging a program to be as evil as some here would suggest, only to arrive to find it filled with caring staff and friendly peers might give a sigh of relief to the person experiencing it, I suppose that is the silver lining to all of this.

Think about it. Where will you go if you run from a program? Will you hitchhike home? Will you stay on the lamb for three long years until an adult? Is it worth the chance that the person picking you up hitchhiking isn't dangerous and have ulterior motives for doing so? Speaking of numbers, it's a fact teenage runaways living on the street, particular young girls, have a much higher chance of being abused, exploited, raped or killed than in a treatment center with no history of abuse. This is common sense, like saying the sky is blue. Just because people on fornits are saying the sky is red, doesn't make it so.

It can be fun to try to live vicariously through teenagers today facing programs, and tell them advice we wished we might have followed ourselves. But doing so is irresponsible, and they, not we, have to live with the consequences of following such dangerous advice. I think everyone needs to take a step back and realize this is a 15 year old girl you are talking to. She is facing a treatment program that has no history of abuse. How many people giving this advice have spent nights as a runaway alone on the street? Do they really know what it's like? I have. I would never, in a million years, suggest that 15 year old girl runaway from a warm bed and safety, and their new friends. To do so would be irresponsible, and taking advantage of a young person's naivety  and ignorance to the dangers of the real world, and ignoring the fact that many programs are safe and effective.

105
Open Free for All / Re: Fornits AA/NA Chapter
« on: August 10, 2010, 01:41:11 PM »
I do recognize the contradictions in my last post, saying that I enjoy the diversity of opinions but please don't post your AA opinions in this thread. All I was trying to do here was create a thread where people can talk about addiction issues in a non political kind of format. I think it came across wrong or something, I will try again in a new thread eventually. So everyone feel free to post whatever you want here, the 'meeting' is officially adjourned.

I'm trying to be respectful. I know that in order to get respect you must give it first, so I'm putting that into practice. I'm not on medications. I don't go to psychiatrists so I don't have any diagnosed mental disorders. I just get tired of fighting with people. I'm only here to offer my own opinions. I'm not going to debate with people in a heated way anymore about things. I'd rather just put up my opinions, and let people decide how they want to react to it. I have accepted that people might dismiss what I say, not believe it, or ridicule me. I don't really mind either way. From now on I am going to ignore posts that I feel are hostile or negative and try to focus on responding to people who are open to have a real conversation. At the same time I am going to try to keep my posts from being hostile or negative as well.

One of my favorite movies of all time is "Contact". One of my favorite parts of the movie is when Jodie Fosters character is talking to the scientist who stole her position and get to go on the journey instead of her.

David Drumlin: I know you must think this is all very unfair. Maybe that's an understatement. What you don't know is I agree. I wish the world was a place where fair was the bottom line, where the kind of idealism you showed at the hearing was rewarded, not taken advantage of. Unfortunately, we don't live in that world.

Ellie Arroway: Funny, I've always believed that the world is what we make of it.

So although I viewed fornits as hostile, I am going to attempt to 'create the forum I want to post in' and follow the golden rule, and see how that goes. I don't want to be dragged down by negativity and fighting, because the only person it hurts is me. Thanks for your posts, they are always appreciated and welcome .

Pages: 1 ... 5 6 [7] 8 9 ... 28