Fornits

Fornits Home for Wayward Web Fora
An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

You know, DB, you talk about jaded and yet that is the attitude you greet me with. JOM did not "school" me; if you read the whole thread, you'd see that.  I sincerely vented, I don't know why he felt the need to challenge nothing, but we did come to a resolution.

My coyness is not an act, it's a facet of my personality, and maybe even an annoying one. There still exists a Pollyanna part that just wants every one to drink milk, eat cookies, sing Do-Re-Mi and all agree that programs shouldn't hurt kids. The truth is when things get raw around here, it is still shocking to me what people will say. I know it shouldn't be, but it is. I really don't understand the meanness people will sink to even if we are all strangers. But I can guarantee you if you met me, you would immediately understand your misconception. You would never talk to me the way you do here, and I doubt you would ever feel proud to in front of your family.

Go ahead and get the last word in.

I will know that your words bear no semblance to reality. And you will still hate yourself.

You know the drill.   No matter is too petty to unleash torrents of insanity in a rap. I think I have spoken of it before.

An emerging staff member was in the throes cultic enlightenment. He drags his sweet new wife #2 into it and gets her a job there. Her job was to hang out and help with activities. Immediately, you can tell she is not down with the Cult. But she is a breath of fresh air and a fucking ray of sunshine next to the brainwashed rookie staff.   The Power Staff note her benevolence as well as her skepticism and pressure her Emerging husband to make her Get With the Program and put her through the rap/profeet regimen. Where they proceeded to work her over.  Even the marriage became a one-sided CEDU rap replica.

She looked like Doris Day. (I kid you not.) With a matching demeanor.... and she is slowly figuring out that the hills are not alive with the sound of music.

The rap I remember, run by a Power Staff female occurred when she allowed an upper student to take over and unleash the gates Armageddon on this woman. The things she said were vile, heartless, untrue, not rooted in sanity, audacious, and LOUD! The Power Student and Staff ganged up on the woman and took turns berating her, encouraging everyone to join in.  The thing is it had nothing to do with the woman's conduct or her character. They were demolishing her for being cute and "dressing happy." They spent an inordinate amount of time on the woman's pink barrettes. So I started thinking of it as The Pink Barrette Rap. In any event, I was sickened watching these two go Lord of the Flies over a sunny disposition. To be her age and have staff incite some punk kid student to demean her publically and viciously, without provocation.

Meanwhile the male staff who cops to gang raping a 13 year old and another one who regales us young girls with tales of his masturbatory practices and devices as well as some other deviant or criminal acts are heralded for their honesty.  But they weren't ashamed. They were empowered by their ability to brazenly, openly declare information that was either deviant or inappropriate.

I'm not really sure how this was supposed to be an edifying experience... for any of us.

But I do know that the woman drabbed down noticeably after that.  I'll never forget it.

W: First you say most people here get their info from a single source - Fornits, and now you say "most people get their information from multiple sources."  No shit, say it the first time. Don't repeat what I already said, which was to disagree with your initial statement.

Second, I do not think people here are losers and I know you are smart enough to INFER that your superior condescending attitude is the perspective I am addressing. ("Fornits for losers" being your real perspective rather than then the false "I examine all sides" persona.) But you are on Fornits.  And the programs you are affiliated with are on this board.  

Third, my experiences at CEDU were duplicated in CEDU Spin-offs run by the same staff. I also know people who have gone into various other programs (not just on this board)  - the methodology was the same. By nature, I seek fair and balanced and alwasy give benefit of doubt. But, so far, I have not seen evidence to dispute that TBSs are systmeically flawed on a macro level.

I hope I can exercise the discipline to disengage from conversing with you.  Your rep precedes you for your pro program under pretenses of fair and balanced BS spin job.  I totally get why people would love to kick your ass with your "white-house-is-black-and-a smile" persona.

But are there so many more bad people?  Or does it just seem that way because of 24/7 continuous loop media?  

There is a decrease in civility. With advents in media/technology/reality programming, society rewards outrageous behavior.  Everything is fabricated, thus increasing cynicism.

Also - our culture has become increasingly fear driven and it affects our freedom - both our perception of it and the reality.

I think all the time we spend on the Internet makes us more distrustful and lazy in building connections.

I recently spent a week in a hut on an undeveloped Mexican beach, not some fancy resort -no stores, no crap, no news,no TV, no Internet. Got the local produce and the fish from local farmers and fisherman and cooked it myself. There were other ex-pats, living simply and everyone walked everywhere and intermingled, locals and non locals... people helped each other when needed. People made an effort to communicate and learn.  God it was nice.  And the beer was cheap. I'm not much of a drinker, but nothing like a Dos Equis every now and again. Everyone would just congregate at under a thatched roof and watch futbol at the only TV in town.  It was hard to come back to the Concrete Jungle.

I may have to consult a computing expert.... but also, I am just tired of being filmed having some fries with that shake.  There is just no zone where one can expect privacy. God, even today's kids have to deal with cyber bullying - its not enough to just terrorize someone at school.  

I'm thinking grass hut in Fiji.

IM/Internet/Facebook/Twitter/Phone cams/24/7 Media/Spycams/Key Trace/Cookies/Online Data collection/TMI and what have you.

Is Privacy a thing of the past? Do I have no right to expect it any more? Do I have no Rights to Privacy? How do I protect it online?

I am a very private person. I lead a pretty boring life. I'm not on drugs, evading taxes, or "Craig's Listing" for World Series tickets. I've never committed a felony, beat someone up, or screwed someone else's husband.

But I want privacy. And its all an illusion now. It's an overmediated life. Any moment could get caught on Candid Cameras everywhere.

WTF?

I had to warn a co-worker not to "friend" students. She is 12 years younger than I am. A different generation. She thinks I am being paranoid (I know other teachers would not appreciate the students knowing certain info from bitching about the job to their recent bachelorette photos.)

I feel like everyone has access and I don't want it.

Are there things I can do to protect myself?

Should I just get over it and know that the Right to Privacy has ceased to exist?

I am so disgusted by this TMI overly accessible culture, I dream of dropping out, off the grid. (Like I would last long with my tender footed ways. :heartbreak: )

Got it, D.B. I am just sensitive when it comes to mitigating Program abuses, which I see as systemic rather than isolated, slip through the crack instances. Whatever happned pre-program was only exacerbated by the program.

I know some of the people on this forum. Here is where it all comes out - the good, the bad, the ugly.  Or maybe its just the place you can duke it out. You would be surprised at how gentle many of them are in real life.  
I came here because I had no one to discuss CEDU with. I went to CEDU and we all pretended I went to a legit boarding school. I never discussed it for 17 years after that. With anyone. I just had recurring nightmares all the time. On a lark, I googled CEDU and got to Fornits and it was all consuming for awhile. I FINALLY could talk about it, dissect it, and validate my experiences.  I go through vast periods of time off Fornits and now, I visit from time to time.

To me, CEDU is like being abducted by aliens and the only people you can talk to are other abductees. No one else gets it. The few friends I have tried to share it with are aghast. But they don't come from families who outsource their kids.  They actually have a hard time believing the US allows this type of program. (And CEDU didn't use physical violence or restraints - the mental aspects were enough.) People talk about prosecuting - not so easy if its mental. Not so easy if you are labeled "troubled teen."  Now, in my profession, I see parents who try and outsource their kids for being non conformist.  Or outsource them in damaging attempts to pray the gay away. None of these kids in my classes who are actually deported have been "bad" kids/addicts/or assholes. Just different. Many of the kids at CEDU were aggresssively, precociously inquisitive, intelligent, and creative. Some were overentitled rich shit brats. Families who sent them tended to be rich, emotionally negligent parents who treated their kids like plants - nicely housed and watered, but otherwise, just "there."  Many of the parents lived totally self-indulgent lives and children were in the way. When the kid decided to assert his or her presence in ways that demanded attention, boom! Off to CEDU you went. This was especially prevalent in divorced families, with step parents driving the ostracism. (Not in my case, but in many others.)

One interesting thing about this forum from an almost sociological perspective is learning about the other programs. There is a commonality in methods: LGAT, emotional assault, and boundary demolition. (This is a very milquetoast description.) So, methodology is consistent throughout. But the Straight culture is different from the CEDU culture.  I could pick out who went to CEDU and who went to Straight, for example. Similar methodologies, but differentials in population and setting.  

In general, I see programs as stripping away the coping mechanisms essential for Life Outside, by eradicating healthy boundaries that are NECESSARY for self respect, trust, and relationships.

Elan is probably the site I feel least connected to, despite a commonality of practice.  I actually haven't visited the Elan site in years, and even then, only a few times.  I can't really put my finger on it, and don't know if I want to, but I sort of think of those kids as descended from parents in the Skull and Bones society.