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Messages - Robin Martin

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46
The Seed Discussion Forum / Post Seed Relationships
« on: December 15, 2004, 11:49:00 PM »
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On 2004-12-15 04:09:00, Jimmy Cusick wrote:

...but to look on the bright side I put my energy into being more productive in other area's."


Right on!!...and, to borrow a verse from one of those infamous songs we use to sing "that's what it's all about". Seriously, I did not need to be distracted thinking about relationships or sex.  I needed to concentrate on ME. Not playing games or being flirty, but to be alone, without ANY distractions to my recovery. Let me tell you, I was 'boy crazy' and it was very difficult!

I was not a virgin when I came in but, like everyone else, became celibate during my enrollment. Once I graduated, I felt able to make my own choices as far as sex and relationships.  I had learned to respect myself and my male friends around me.  I remember discussing the topic w/ my Seed 'boyfriend' for many weeks before mutually agreeing to having sex.

Many 'normal' people use relationships and/or sex as a crutch, if you will, to avoid feeling pain and/or confrontation with their feelings of inadequacy.  Do not argue this fact with me, I know persons with this shortcoming.

We all know of women that are beaten but remain w/ their partners because they have no self worth and lack the courage to pick up and go.  What about the woman who is cheated on repeatedly but lets him come home because 'she loves him' and accepts his promises (again) and thinking "someday he'll change."

How about the men, whose women run their lives, substituting for the mothers they never had but wanted so dearly. These men are so insecure and in such need of being loved, they let their women emasculate them.  They have forgotten what it feels like to stand up and behave like a man.    

Combined w/ the fundamental Seed (sex) teaching and the wisdom I've gained w/ age (?), I really don't have a brain hemorrhage deciding what's best for me, be it having a little fling or choosing a relationship.

I KNOW you males are hard-wired a little different than us females,  :grin: but being able to discuss HONESTLY if you're desiring a committed relationship or just a "roll in the hay" it takes a "Man and a Woman" to mutually make that decision together.

On that note - no, the Seed didn't screw up my sex life, I did.  But, I learned how to control my feelings and channel in the right direction.
[ This Message was edited by: Robin Martin on 2004-12-15 20:49 ][ This Message was edited by: Robin Martin on 2004-12-15 20:51 ][ This Message was edited by: Robin Martin on 2004-12-15 20:53 ]

47
The Seed Discussion Forum / successfull seed graduates
« on: December 12, 2004, 11:19:00 PM »
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On 2004-12-10 06:19:00, GregFL wrote:

"Robin, if you knew more about who you were talking to, you wouldn't say that. Instead, you would find she is just now confronting what happened to her and working thru it. She is seeking help and peace...from within herself.


Your post was a little condensending I think.

I have no need in being condesending to anyone hurting and still in pain.  I also do not discount there was major abuse to some - just not done to me or anyone else in my circle of friends. This is why I find this site very interesting yet complex.  It's not black & white for ANYONE, is it?

"...if you knew more about who you were talking to, you wouldn't say that..."  Well Greg, news flash :wstupid:  in trying to separate the "Who's who of Anons" so if you REALLY wish me to know you and understand what you are about, let's pick a name - any name! Or feel free to always e/m me privately as others have done.

I understand those wanting to remain Anon but don't bully me Greg by saying "if you knew..."
Okey Dokey??

Peace to all,

48
The Seed Discussion Forum / successfull seed graduates
« on: December 10, 2004, 12:20:00 AM »
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Art Barker and those others - what fucking cruel people.  I hope his life, and all the lives of all others who supported that place, are very painful lives -  very long and very, very painful lives.


If you look at it another way, you are still letting your past experiences control you and you've fought that war far too long.
Anon, get help - find peace.

49
The Seed Discussion Forum / Home from rehab 30 years after the seed
« on: December 09, 2004, 01:15:00 AM »
Thanks for the clarification Greg.  I await w/ baited breath  :wink:

50
The Seed Discussion Forum / Home from rehab 30 years after the seed
« on: December 08, 2004, 11:13:00 PM »
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"Believe me I sometimes can get my buttons pushed easily.  and I react too quickly and sometimes do regret my actions.  


Hey, we all get hot from time to time - so, have YOU taken the Ft Lauderdale moniker or is that another Anon?

It gets very confusing sometimes...but the shadow (a.k.a. Greg) always knows who you are  :scared:

51
The Seed Discussion Forum / Home from rehab 30 years after the seed
« on: December 08, 2004, 01:31:00 AM »
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The one last realization that I made of myself at the Seed was that I did not want to make the Seed my crutch and I did not want to use the Seed to hide from the things I needed to go through to really grow and understand. In spite of all its imperfections the Seed had given me the tools to survive and make something of myself. It was up to me to develop these tools and carry forward with what ever I needed or wanted to do with my life...

 The one mere fact that I did not fall back to my junkie mentality was the source of my biggest success. From this point I felt that I could build some true and very solid strength.  Once I felt like I could handle the temptation of drugs any other success would just be the icing on the cake.

 I do miss the camaraderie and the interaction and my friendships that I thought were so true and genuine but in the end I felt I made the right decision to walk away when I did.


I could not have said it better...but I do keep trying!  

I also do not understand all the "Anonymous" posters and wonder why those do not pick a name...any name  :???: to assist in communicating with "Anons"

52
The Seed Discussion Forum / Home from rehab 30 years after the seed
« on: December 07, 2004, 02:39:00 PM »
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On 2004-12-06 17:04:00, GregFL wrote:

"
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On 2004-12-06 13:54:00, Anonymous wrote:


"Fuck off and I mean that politely :flame: "




Is that your new username?  hehe. Such anger from such an accomplished seed staffer. You must be proud of yourself.

"

Greg - do you get off pushing others buttons? You need to give Anon a break, OK?

There's enough strife in the world  :roll: .

53
The Seed Discussion Forum / Home from rehab 30 years after the seed
« on: December 06, 2004, 03:28:00 AM »
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And next time, if there is a next time, try not to believe that old saw about plummetting powerlessly to the bottom. It just ain't so, unless you believe it.



Glad to hear you are unaware of "plummetting powerlessly to the bottom" but don't diss others who have seen that darkness. You never did or you wouldn't be making such a crass comment...

54
The Seed Discussion Forum / Home from rehab 30 years after the seed
« on: December 05, 2004, 06:00:00 AM »
Yes, this sounds very familiar but, in truth, some of us living or have lived where you're at right now. Contrary to some who post here, and given this website's general negative slant, I believe there were many of us in need of immediate help. Even though I quit "shooting drugs", I too, have struggeled w/ demons and alcoholisim over the years.  But, I'm also aware I have a very addictive personality, so I have to keep everything in check - ALL THE TIME.  Know what I mean??  I feel for you if you are struggling and you know what you need to do!!!  

Contact me [email protected]

55
The Seed Discussion Forum / National-level TV Talk Show looking for survivors of The See
« on: November 30, 2004, 11:13:00 PM »
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On 2004-11-29 15:18:00, wesfager wrote:

"National-level TV Talk Show looking for survivors of Straight and its spinoffs



I have just been contacted by a producer of a well-known, national-level TV show. They want to do a show on Straight survivors. They are looking for survivors from Straight and from any follow-on Straight programs. They are especially interested in women's stories.



They will pay travel, hotel accomodations and a small per dien. They would like to broadcast the show as early as possible, perhaps as early as Dec 9.



Please broadcast this message as widespread as possible. If you are willing to appear on the show, please contact the undersigned ASAP. I need your name, phone number, email and state in which you live. I need a very brief paragraph of what you are prepared to tell, of what happened to you or to others. I will share your confidential data only with personnel from this specific show.



Thank you,



Wesley Fager

[email protected] "
Hmmm, does anyone have any comments on this??  What do you think, Greg?  I would need quite a bit more info before committing (sp)....

56
The Seed Discussion Forum / Vodka thoughts
« on: November 20, 2004, 01:35:00 AM »
Yes, Greg, your recollections are fairly clear. 'm aware of many "lightweights" in the program, but I assure you there were more "heavyweights" than you're willing to remember.  Yes, I remember the 9-yr old who smoked pot w/ his parents on a daily basis and I wondered why on earth HE was there.  I also remember those of us who had reached the VERY BOTTOM OF THE BARREL (several, on my account) that had no alternative other than the Seed. You were obviously, not one of those who were in because of a "life or death" situation and I feel for you.  But, for those of us who were, the program was a life saver.  Call me...

57
The Seed Discussion Forum / to Anon with Law Degree
« on: November 19, 2004, 12:35:00 AM »
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I too remember these people. Saw that Dana/Link- look alike up at FSU in the student union hanging out. His physical presence brought that terror to my gut. If you can't believe the history, you have to believe what your body tells you. IT's that fight or flight instinct that kicks in when and animal is threated.

Funny you mention Dana at FSU. Dana and I became good friends only AFTER I graduated and he was no longer on staff.  He was a very intelligent, wise, compassionate human being and although I have lost touch w/ him, know he became something great.  Linc lookalike??  Well, duh - wasn't that the "style" then?  I believe there was also a black female w/ an afro also.  Does that make her a Linc lookalike?

58
The Seed Discussion Forum / Vodka thoughts
« on: November 19, 2004, 12:22:00 AM »
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On 2004-11-16 08:44:00, Anonymous wrote:

"well, if you were really "melting down anything that fit in a syringe" at 15 years old, maybe you are the rare individual that was indeed worthless, hopeless and gonna die.



For most people that was just cultic mantra.



Perhaps the Seed should have been you and the four other addicts it treated over its 30 year lifespan.



You just dont understand Robin, that most of us  were just fine before we got mind fucked in the Seed, that the Seed caused much more problems than it ever proposed to solve.



"
To CCGAR61 and others who "feel my (past) pain... (thanks for getting my back) Anon - you are definitely living in another world - "one of four"??  You've got to be kidding!!  I'm not sure which "program" you participated in, but it wasn't the one that helped me.  You must have attended the "later years" when addiction became "socially unacceptable" and cocain was in vogue.  That was NOT the case w/ my peers in the Seed during 72-74.  Just wanted to make that clarification.

59
The Seed Discussion Forum / Vodka thoughts
« on: November 16, 2004, 12:12:00 AM »
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On 2004-11-12 16:08:00, Jimmy Cusick wrote:

"
The rap groups were about The 7 steps, honesty, drug use, principals, values, freedom, peace, separating ourselves from other drug users, loving others and creating a world where we expanded our love and acceptance to embrace all of society. uuuummm, do you believe this.

 I did pot, hash, THC, ups downs speed acid, mescaline, codeine, cocaine, morphine, Demerol. Yea  right, I never did most of those but I wanted to be liked and accepted so I would speak it out like nothing.

 Okay folks, someone else tell me about yourself, when the seed took control of your heart and made you feel like a part.

 If I could find a place now-a-days where I could feel like a part of, that was decent, I would join them .


OK, Jimmy, the 7 steps; honesty, drug use, principals, values, freedom, peace and separating myself from other drug users - yeah, that seemed to have worked for me! I didn't have a clue where morals, principals, values, freedom and peace began - I had lost it!!!  However, I DID smoke pot, hash, opium, dropped and shot THC, LSD, wine, heroine, cocaine, Demerol, MDA, PCP, STP, uppers, downers, Quaaludes, mescaline and pretty much anything in between that would melt down and fit in a syringe...  . I could only "get it" after being "torn down" and work from scratch to provide the building blocks that I needed to step up and into a responsible world.  Not one created by the Seed, Art, Suzy or Mrs. P, but one, I felt a part of wanting to belong to.  MY CHOICE...No one else's, thanks you very much.  We ALL want to be liked and respected - who doesn?t??  And, for the record - I STILL don't feel I "belong".  Is that because of my Seed 'washing'?  No, I don't think so - it started long before that - but that's another story...

60
The Seed Discussion Forum / Any fond memories, lessons or other positive aspects of The
« on: November 12, 2004, 12:20:00 AM »
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On 2004-11-11 07:40:00, cleveland wrote:

"Robin, and others who post here, and can tolerate disagreement...



I'm so glad you keep posting, both good and bad. I am really impressed that people who post here can give and take with out getting too bent out of shape. I agree with Greg who posted earlier that this particular forum is more understanding than some of the other groups. I'm glad. I get enough name calling and yelling on Fox!



No doubt!  Thanks for the good words.  Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a "Seed" reunion??  The good, the bad and the ugly?  Can anyone say they wouldn't be happy to see their peers of the year spent in the program?  Whoops...another PIPE DREAM :eek: OK, OK..not EVERYONE...I guess I speak for myself.

What I enjoy the most is that the majority of us seem to be well educated, , technologically  literate and seem to be getting along fine in life.  For those who are still having troubles in this life, seek spiritual, emotional or mental guidance and get well!!  I bid you peace!!

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