Fornits

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An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

Hey Anon,
 :roll:
I was all too aware of how I would be perceived and of course judged. What I find as funny is how that insecurity ruled and prevailed when we preached the importance of being solid and secure people. It was painfully obvious that we were anything but. If they only would of realized how much I thought of all those people (Seed kids) with nothing more than fondness and love and a genuine nostalgia.

   Yet the thought of being or feeling so trapped scared the hell out of me. I used to have nightmares about this.
 :roll: [ This Message was edited by: jgar on 2005-10-01 11:27 ]

Hey Ginger, ::

Sounds about right and that attitude was all too typical.One of the things that use to bring a bitter taste to me.It always seamed to me that the girls were alot more zelous than the guys. ::  Do you remember thier names I probably know them very well.

One more thing Ginger

 :eek:  :eek: One thing that I will agree with you 100 % is how a whole Drug rehabilitation industry was born out of the available insurance money set aside for private drug treatment. How did all these 28 day programs for $ 30,000.00 a shot suddenly pop up everywhere?  This I view as both abusive and criminal.
[ This Message was edited by: jgar on 2005-09-29 15:45 ]

During the early 80?s the group was much smaller and was divided into two basic divisions. The first group consisted of what I would refer to as the core group these people had been around for years from the early or mid 70?s?? they walked the walk and talked the talk?. The Seed was their life they professed lived breath and slept the Seed philosophy all with the underlying idealism that what was being done at the Seed was the most important thing in the world. People?s lives were being saved by the raps and by the collective example of the old comers. This group had more influence and power due to their experience and time dealing with the politics of the day to day affairs of the group. Most people in this group were the ones that remained until the end.
 
The second group consisted of the newer people who were either recent graduates or people still on their programs. People that went through the program during the 80?s usually once they graduated stuck around for a short period of time and than resumed back to their lives. In the 80?s the group was older most people were in their 20?s or 30?s and most had been around the block once or twice. Some minors still came in but they were few and far between and thank God for that, I always looked at the minors as a major pain in the ass.
   
Since the group was much smaller every one kind of fell into their niche and had their own persona that they would be known for. Some people related very well and were very articulate in the group others were the funny one?s etc. Under the pretense of helping or being part of the good to help people get their lives together was the single most important theme and this was reflected with our attitudes to be all giving, all dedicated and lead by example. For the most part  what was preached was that a job was just a method of making just enough money to be able to do the most important work and that was to save lives.  
   One thing that sticks out in my mind was how the importance of developing close bonds were stress and talked about we were one big family and any person from the Seed was considered special and treated with the up most love and respect (I always related to it as if we were kind of a secret society).  With in this however was a certain distance that was kept between the guys and the girls although we shared great friendships and love, a formal relationship had to be blessed by Staff and of course Art.  (So much for the technical aspects of the Seed).

The emotional aspects were much more complicated and with this being said in a very general and superficial way I can only explain while only able to capture very little of the emotion that I felt at the time. I find it very hard to relate to a Seed that was harsh and unbending and can only conclude that was a Seed of a bygone era. A Seed in its infancy along with a very young staff and group.  
I mostly remember being killed with love by everyone around me. A camaraderie between people I have yet to experience again. When I related in the group being showered with I love you?s. When a new comer came to live at the house how everyone pulled together to help that person out. I remember a very close nit friendship that develop between myself and my original old comers. A genuine happiness to see or spend time with someone else from the Seed. Being able to work with other people from the Seed was to me very Important. It seamed to me that people took the time to get to know me and I took time to get to know the people around me. A never ending collective of experience and knowledge to draw from for guidance and I can go on and on.
 Even though I have criticized some staff or their methodology I still liked and trusted Staff.   They did not always make the right decisions but I felt their heart was in the right place. As for Art Baker although I kept my distance I never felt he was out to use me or anyone for that matter. On many occasions he opened the door for me to be close to him and it was I who shied away.

   The reason I post these things in this particular post is to stress what made it so difficult to leave the Seed. To walk away was probably one of the most difficult decisions I ever had to make.