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« on: February 16, 2004, 07:44:00 PM »
Now, this is what I love about everyone in here.....there are so many different reactions to everything because certain things strike people differently to each individual for their own reasons. I have made the mistake of taking people wrong when reading text before and people have taken me wrong as well thinking I was being a dick when that was not my intent at all. It's hard to tell emotion behind typed words. Unless it is blunt but, in this case I did not pick up on it as a bad motive. I remember when I first found this site about 5 months ago and I started reading past posts I truely started to get pissed off at some of what I was reading....why?....because I didn't believe a lot of it or I felt pissed because I saw people still letting Straight or whatever past thing still control them like they just got out of there yesterday. But, then I had to step back a second and realize a bunch of things.....one was until I found this, my contact with anyone from Straight has been extremely small(next to nil)and most times when I think back to being in Straight itself all I think about for the most part was me and my experience mean while being blinded by everyday problems after Straight and trying desparately to function in everyday life. This may sound selfish and it is and was but this is how I thought. I try daily not to be and think like that anymore...i'm certainly not perfect with it. I also realized on here that when I was in Springfield may 88- Nov 89 that 1988 was severe compared to 89. So, I know that it was much worse way before I got there and other Straights had different staff so I don't know what took place in those places except for what I read on here. I also know that I have a drug problem and I also believe many people that were in there didn't and do not have addiction issues. All I am trying to say is that everyone has a different outlook on what they read in here and their thoughts on Straight from their direct perspective and frankly, it can be quite overwhelming first coming into these posts. Jenifer, I liked your post and I clearly understood your thinking and what your thought process was. I personally am still sober, but to be sober I feel that you must be a holic or addict. I am friends with people that drink and smoke weed to. I choose not to be around them when they smoke weed and thats my choice and my own issues not theirs and they all respect me for that....therefore they are my friends. Sometimes I wish on here Therion, that more people would just come out and say that they feel alone when they are hurting but, seems like so many tend to focus on all the bull shit that Straight may have delt them that it blends in with so many other posts. I am sure many people were mentally and emotionally scarred by someone in Straight but, I think a lot of people hide unintentionally behind Straight and it doesn't allow themselves the oppurtunity to move on. I don't know.....I really don't have all the answers nor do I think I ever do, it's just that I have gotten myself into many negative cycles in my life and it seems like I am not alone with the cycle thing in here either. For example, typically when I post that I am sober and still sober since Straight, there usually will be someone jumpin down my throat asking me why I feel like I have a drug problem or stating that I must still be brain washed. I have no problem ever responding to those questions but I have never asked someone on here why they don't think they have a problem when they post pictures of bongs or when they talk about doing cocaine or trippin etc. The reason I don't ask??? Because who am I to know if one has a problem or not. I am not God. Alot of people that were in Straight that didn't have problems drug related often seem to assume that everyone else that was there also didn't have addiction problems. I am here to say that wasn't the case with me personally and because I say that on here many react that I'm still brainwashed at age 30. I personally learned very quick what reality was after graduating Straight and going to AA. There is a huge difference and I spent countless times in meetings just crying my eyes out trying to adjust and learn "real" recovery. I look and listen to people very different today on here and in real time. On here it can be difficult for so many reasons trying to guess at ones motives in text. I hope 7 stepper responds to some of the questions that were asked to him because I can't speak for him but, I still do not think his motive was to be little anyone or to put himself up on a pedastal. But he knows . Sorry for the long ramble.
[ This Message was edited by: Scott D on 2004-02-16 16:54 ]
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My question to that individual would be "what did you do to get thru all this?" The reason I came onto this site was to find people that I lost contact with and to see and hear how people are doing. Straight was a rough time for anyone who was there and for that reason alone I have a connection to all of you.