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Messages - Mr. Pink's Attorney

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16
Elan School / Jordan gone / no insanity to read
« on: December 12, 2005, 02:32:00 AM »
From the Law Offices of Pablo Escobar
788 Cartel Dirt Road, Medellion, Columbia:

My client poses you a question, asking if you would like to wager money on that statement. While cociane never seemed to be my clients fixation, he assures you that he has sufflagated some rather high quality product in his travels, and also is pleased that it can still be aquired.

(hit me up, i'll sell you my Porsche for an 8 ball!)

-Mr. Pink's Attorney

17
Elan School / Pledge Your Identity
« on: December 09, 2005, 10:25:00 PM »
From the Law Offices of Byzantium, Constantinople, & Istambul..
The Hotdog stand in the Hagia Sofia Courtyard:

My client, the reclusive *and* elusive Mister Pink is not faring very well tonight. Although I surmise it has something to do with the foot of snow piling up outside the entrance to his cave/ice fortress; the situation is critical.

Unless at least four anonymous posters on this board log on and create usernames, Mr. Pink is in danger of fleeing to the northwestern territories! In this war, he needs allies, and if my client dies, I will not be able to insure my Porsche - please, click on the Register button on the left, right under the FAQ... create funny name, a fake identity, it's fun! and anyway, the bag over the head is so last year. C'mon, Avatars baby! and the beauty is, you can still post anon!

Do it for my client; like only *YOU* can.

18
Elan School / Diane Schriver Elan 4 2a 6 1978 to 1981
« on: December 09, 2005, 10:14:00 PM »
From the Law Offices of Dionysus
412 Bacchus Street- Crete, GREECE:

My client, Mister Pink, wishes to express his happiness over your pwning of a Lincoln Town Car, very fine automobiles indeed. Having had the chance to thoroughly test several models the Lincoln's sister car, the Ford Thunderbird, he appreciates the overall classiness, no, gracefullness, of a standard V8 mated with rear wheel drive and a four speed transmission.

-MORTE.A.ELAN!-

-Mr. Pink's Attorney

19
Elan School / Is Art REALLY gay? Im being serious
« on: December 09, 2005, 10:04:00 PM »
From the Law Offices at the prestigious John Birch Society; 115 Hamilton Ave, Washington D.C.

I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.
No, I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.
Well, I wake in the morning,
Fold my hands and pray for rain.
I got a head full of ideas
That are drivin' me insane.
It's a shame the way she makes me scrub the floor.
I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.

I ain't gonna work for Maggie's brother no more.
No, I ain't gonna work for Maggie's brother no more.
Well, he hands you a nickel,
He hands you a dime,
He asks you with a grin
If you're havin' a good time,
Then he fines you every time you slam the door.
I ain't gonna work for Maggie's brother no more.

I ain't gonna work for Maggie's pa no more.
No, I ain't gonna work for Maggie's pa no more.
Well, he puts his cigar
Out in your face just for kicks.
His bedroom window
It is made out of bricks.
The National Guard stands around his door.
Ah, I ain't gonna work for Maggie's pa no more.

I ain't gonna work for Maggie's ma no more.
No, I ain't gonna work for Maggie's ma no more.
Well, she talks to all the servants
About man and God and law.
Everybody says
She's the brains behind pa.
She's seventy two, but she says she's twenty-four.
I ain't gonna work for Maggie's ma no more.

I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.
No, I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.
Well, I try my best
To be just like I am,
But everybody wants you
To be just like them.
They sing while you slave and I just get bored.
I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.

~robert zimmerman
_________________________________________________


My client wishes to inform the public that he was stationed, deep undercover, during the 14th World Drug War, (WDWXIV) at Elan Seven in two thousand and two, and at Elan Eight during the early half of two thousand and three. Despite fierce opposition, my client managed to escape the camp and return to  New Jersey (32deg.W - 14deg.E) and set up encampment on the border. He is awaiting sufficient reinforcements to continue the campaign, and ferment revolution within the ranks.

-MORTE.A.ELAN!-


-Mr. Pink's Attorney

20
Elan School / Mr. Pink, PLEASE COME BACK..
« on: December 05, 2005, 04:39:00 PM »
From the Law Offices of Lawyers on LSD:
Haight Ashbury, Calif.:

At last I have recieved word from Mr. Pink, who, despite running dangerously low on MRE's and desalinization tablets, continues somehow, to accumulate surpluses of lysergic acid and raw speed. Needless to say, this is a tedious balance at best, and despite his having the constitution of a pack mule and the diamond clear vision of Col. Kurtz - a man must eat sometime.

My client, possibly delerious, rambled on about pursuing Osama Bin Laden through the caves of Tora Bora armed only with his famous shotgun and his signature pithy wit. I have asked Central Intelligence to keep an eye on him, but they flatly refused, citing an unpaid debt for reams of sattelite imagery requested by Mr. Pink several months ago to assist in his overwrought plan to systematically loot the remnants of a flooded New Orleans.

If you have any personal or business connection with Mister Pink, now would be the time to let him know how you truly felt about him, or to sue him for breach of contract.

-Mr. Pink's Attorney

21
Elan School / People of fornits listen up.
« on: December 05, 2005, 04:21:00 PM »
From the Law Offices at the State Psychiatric Hospital, Nurse Ratched's Office:

I am only here as a representative of Mister Pink in absentia; however, he has granted me full power of attorney to post on the fornit's fora and kidnap top former nazi officials living in South America. Since the latter mission was finally completed upon the untimely death of 85 year-old SS Captain Vilhelm VanHeteran, I only post on this message board - which considering the minimum amount of work that it entails, I am heavily compensated for.

-Mr. Pink's Attorney

22
Elan School / Bringing Elan to the Media (oprah winfrey)
« on: December 05, 2005, 04:13:00 PM »
From the Law Offices of NJTRANSIT/AMTRACK, far beneath Penn Station in a hermetically sealed bunker lined with lead and rat poison:

My client, Mister Pink, wishes you the best of luck, but he is reminded of the time he battled Oprah in single combat and was left bloody and scarred. The victory that day went to the retarded orphans that were able to escpape thanks to his sacrifice of blood, but Oprah still lived on to fulfill the dark prophecy... it is only a matter of time before her and Bono discover they share the same foul lineage and unite both halves of the shattered emerald key, which will be the catalyst for ragnarok, and the very shattering of this earth...

23
Elan School / The abuse at Elan
« on: December 01, 2005, 11:15:00 AM »
From the Law Offices of the Freemasons:
#44 Mt. Hope Road, Washington D.C. 04156:

My client wishes to inquire as to why anyone would resurrect a 3-month old dead thread just to say something like that.

-Mr. Pink's Attorney

24
Elan School / People of fornits listen up.
« on: November 30, 2005, 08:30:00 PM »
Quote
On 2005-11-30 17:06:00, Anonymous wrote:

"So pink you want us to believe theres nothing we can do ,,, then whats the point of these boards? Just a place for people to fight and act like children? No we need to get creative finds ways to turn this into a positive thing,,, gotta wonder who's side your on here, or did Elan put you up to all this?"


From the Law Office of Damacles IV
Outer Solar Territories, 46N 13W:

My client claims that he does not want anybody to believe anything.. Rather, he doesn't see any proposals or solutions being drawn up, because the options are limited. Mister Pink is probally the most creative captive animal I have ever had the pleasure of working for, and despite several acid trips dedicated solely to pondering the mystery of elan, has come up empty handed, and empty minded.
As for myself, Elan would have a difficult task in trying to have me represent them, as I have an exlusive legal representation contract inked in my blood and enforced by several ill-tempered demons, whos specialty centers around cruel subjects of human and lawyer torture using instruments so foul it would mean death to look upon them. In my experience, when he is of sound enough mind to sign a legal contract, Mister Pink does not fuck around with these kinds of things

-Mr. Pink's Attorney

25
Elan School / Looking into the sick mind of M. Kruglik
« on: November 30, 2005, 08:21:00 PM »
From the Law Office of Charon, Cerebus, and Ether
607 River Styx Bridge, Elyssian Fields, Hades:

The state of Maine is filled with college educated, well-qualified child psychology profesionals, the glaring fact is that Elan School Corp. does not see the need to utilize them, and instead hires unqualified, and mostly sadistic or stupid goons at a much cheaper rate.
My client, Mr. Pink, believes that everyone here already knows that, and asks this; after you have outlined the problem(s) in clear and simple terms, must you not propose action?*

*My client said this during a four hour long slurred and mostly incoherent rant, probally induced by eating half an ounce of rather potent psilocybin mushrooms, but his essential point was clear nevertheless.

-Mr. Pink's Attorney

26
Elan School / People of fornits listen up.
« on: November 30, 2005, 07:48:00 PM »
From the Law Offices of the Gulag, #5 Poland CZ
Cellblock Y56. Inmate #55240:

After poring over the legal texts, and laws currently on the books in the great state of Maine; there probally isn't a whole lot that can be done. Mister Pink and I have researched this area heavily, and have both come to the same conclusion, short of armed insurrection or a massive (and accidental) electrical fire,
 Elan Corporation will remain in business, and the Comandant and Wardens are essentially bulletproof.

27
Elan School / Hog Tied
« on: November 30, 2005, 04:09:00 PM »
From the Law Offices of Marcus, Marcus, & Caprice
Berlin, East Germany. DMZ, 85th Parralel:

My client, Mr. Pink, wishes to communicate an experience where he spent fourteen days in isolation while at Elan School, Poland Maine. He claims to not remember the reason, but I have a sneaking suspicion confirmed by several key informants inside the elan facility that it was after the discovery of a secret absinthe still located in the broom closet in Elan 7.

28
Elan School / People of fornits listen up.
« on: November 30, 2005, 04:04:00 PM »
Quote
On 2005-11-30 12:14:00, SS esq wrote:

"I would love to see the focus of this board be about elan and the abuse it dished out. I propose from this day forth that we all end the bickering and pissing contests between each other and start off on a fresh slate, who is with me?"


From the Law Offices of #4402 Spetsnaz Road,
Moldavian SSR: Room #3A:

     My client, Mister Pink fully supports your idea. He feels this board really needs to get back to basics. Personal disputes should be solved by private messages or fisticuffs outside the gymnasium. The real rallying point should be the ultimate destruction, by physical, legal, or intellectual means, of the Elan Money Making Corporation, centered in Poland, ME; as well as the exposure and ridicule of the Camp Comandant, Staff, and Directors.
    However, my client, Mister Pink also feels the reason the board degenerated into muck was because of some people's intolerance of humor and jest. For him, elan was not a serious challenge or a major assault on his mental capabilities or sense of self due to his sociopathic tendancies and extreme dissasociative abilities. Although he acknowledges elan may have been hell on some young minds, he believes that looking back on the experience with a light heart relieves the ugly necessity of having nightmares about it.
    "We aren't in elan anymore, and haven't been for a long time; there is no reason to act like it
and start trying to control ideas or opinions that don't fit with your own." - MR. PINK  

Reasonable debate and argument, with a noble goal should be the idea behind this board. Stop the nonesense and name calling, but keep the humor.

29
Elan School / Elan
« on: November 30, 2005, 02:10:00 AM »
From the Law Offices of Room #101,
Minelan Double Plus Goodness Tootsie Roll.

In response to the above "sentence", Greg Cruz has issued a statement regarding the advancement of colored people and the the defamement of his good name:  


"NAH, FUK DAT! YOUS GOTTS TO BE SAYIN IT LOUD AN PROUD, HOLLLA!! WORD LYFE NIGGA, MY RYMES BE TITE YO YO CHECK IT HOMEYS

YO YO IM A GANGSTA WIT DA FLAT NOSE
YO YO CUZ I GOT DA CORN ROWS
YO YO I BE PIMPIN MAD HOES

ME AN MA HOMEES ROLLIN TITE IN DA ISUZU - AIGHT?
DON'T YOU BE DISSIN THE WORD TO DA LYFE NIGRO CUZ ME AN MA LATIN KING THUGZ ALL BE IMAGIN OUT CUZ WE GOT DA BLU DU RAGS WORD LYFE!!!! "

30
Elan School / here ya go
« on: November 27, 2005, 11:59:00 PM »
From the Law Offices of Le'Importaeurs de Absinth
P.O. Box 7845, Paris, France:

Mister Pink, I've warned you about posting on the Fornits Fora, and the legal repercussions that could result from your failure to cease and desist. Any further tripe out of you will result in harsh penalties, and a loss of your $5000 dollar deposit, as well as a possible lawsuit.

In addition, your wife has asked me to inform you that she is taking the kids and the car to her sisters house for the remainder of the week until you learn that swilling impure moonshine in your basement still and filtering it with leaky radiators is a recipe for disiaster, both legally and emotionally for the young children.

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