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An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

All y'all,

I do not post often. I offered an initial introducory post that received next to no repsonse. Since that time, I've read the board often and sometimes commented. Again, I recieved very little response.

All in all, I've received a very chilly welcome here. I wonder whether it is because I am assumed to be a "Jesus-Freak." I have been open from the time I introduced myself that I will soon be ordained as a minister in the Episcopal Church. I don't think I've proselytized, but I have not hidden my faith either. Have I received the chilly reception I have because "Oh God, he's a Jesus-Freak?" I'm wondering now because of so much disparging talk about religion in general and Christianity in particular, and because I've seen most people rather warmly welcomed here. I don't mean to offend. I ask out of curiosity.

Following on that curiosity: I'm prompted to say that we obviously have, on this board, people of active (and varied expressions of) Christian faith; people who subscribe to other spiritual paths; and people who, in varying degrees, are suspicious and skeptical about religion in general and Christianity in particular. There have been what I regard to be regretable statements made from people across this spectrum towards people across this spectrum. Regretable, in that the comments made, most often, have lacked charity and humility. I direct that criticism to my Christian brothers and sisters directly, and I direct that to rest of the board saying I understand why my Christian brothers and sisters have reason to feel disparaged.

Some of the assumptions directed towards Christians on this board are patently smug and unfair, in my opinion. The assumption that Christians are somehow weak and that their faith is spackle to fill holes in the walls their psyche is unfair. The assumption that Christians lack the capacity for (or at least don't practice) critical thinking in regards to Church doctrine, understandings of God, the Scriptures, society, and our fellow human beings is patently false. I am Christian. I am strong. My faith is not a crutch. I do ask critical questions. I do practice free thought. It is not fair to me to flippantly dismiss me because I am Christian. Take this observation from a Christian who HAS NOT TRIED TO PREACH TO YOU, NOR CONDEMNED ANYONE TO HELL. NOR TOLD YOU THAT YOUR SALVATION DEPENDS ON YOU AGREEING WITH ME.

So my next question how do people feel about Christians? I'm not looking for flames or fights. I'm looking for simple statements for the sake of the board's own self-critique. Is there an anti-Christian prejudice here? If there is, there is. If there isn't, there isn't. I'm not going to run off one way or another, nor will I stop being open about my faith. I come here to remember. For so long, I had forgotten. This forum helps me a great deal in this regard.

A final note. I don't know and don't care who started the Carmel -vs- Morli fight. I don't think either of you is entirely at fault or entirely innocent. But... it seems everytime Carmel opens her mouth, she's getting her shit jumped. I, for one, am tired of it. I think Carmel has been beat on enough now for any of the shit she might have said in the past. Please move on. Know that I appreciate both of you for your differing perspectives, but this tit-tat crap amounts to just that - crap.

I think I can safely say that I' ve pissed off at least someone with this post. Oh well...

After 18 months of motivating in blue plastic chairs, I know that I am your brother,

Michael Cadaret    

Babylon in all its desolation is a sight not so awful as that of the human mind in ruins.
-- Scrope Davies: Letter to Thomas Raikes, May 25, 1835.

My name is Michael Cadaret.  I was at Straight-Springfield from Oct. 1986 through March 1988. I posted this replying to a reply, but I thought I might as well post it as an introduction to the larger forum as well. I do hope this isn't a break in protocol and trust that I will be corrected for being so forward if I have. My e-mail address is at the end of this post if any one would like to contact me.

I was older than other phasers - I was 19 when I entered and almost 21 when I withdrew. I was from a horribly abusive family that was able to keep what happened at home secret. I was the kid who acted out the violence and deceit that was manifest in the household. My folks took me to several psychologists, and one suggested Straight. They were excited about the place because it completely exhonerated them any responsibility. Everything that was wrong in the family could be blamed on my addiction. If I got better than the family would get better. Most of us would agree that this is a simplification of family systems theory and addiction to the point of deceit. But we bought it hook, line, and sinker. I was desperate for my family to be better and to have some kind of sanity in my life, so I was willing to believe anything including Straight's empty promises. So, as silly as it sounds, I spent 18 months in Springfield as an adult. I am not and was never an alcoholic/addict. I spent 4 years after withdrawing staying sober in AA. Until one day when my sponsor (who is still adear friend 10 years later)told me to go find the help I really needed. He told me I wasn't an alcoholic, and though he and many others in the rooms loved me, I was wasting my time. I had plenty of deep-seated problems, but alcoholism wasn't one of them.



14 years after leaving Straight - I am married (9years). I have two kids, an 8 year old son and 5 year old daughter. I worked as a chef for many years and was blessed with very good success. Now I am following what was my wildest dream from the time I was a small boy. I am in seminary in Alexandria training for the priesthood in the Episcopal Church. Wildest dreams are funny things. When you are raised in an abusive, shame-filled, secretive home, you forget that you have, or even deserve to have, a wildest dream. I remember telling the group that at Straight. People laughed me off - which didn't bother me because I figured Eric Lake wanting to be a submarine commander was way crazier than my being a priest. Anyway... Steve Turney came up to me at dismissal one night and whispered in my ear, "You are a fucking drunk and a pussy. You'll never amount to anything. Talk your priest shit all you like, but remember you'll always be nothing." Sad thing is I believed him for a long, long time. In fact, I probably still do to some degree during my darker moments. So Straight and the pain it inflicted still lingers and nags even after 14 years and eventhough I can't really imagine feeling more blessed than I am today.



That sense of feeling blessed has only grown deeper since I started reading different things written by Straight survivors (what an incredibly appropriate word). I survived. We survived. We are sharing with one another our common pain, anger, fear, disgust, but at the heart of that is our survival and our stumbling towards thriving, despite what we endured and still suffer. The speaking of it also reminds that I am not just fucking crazy for remebering the things I do. I didn't imagine the horror, and I am not exaggerating. It was just so bad, and yet we go on surviving and stumbling towards thriving. It is a miracle.



Please forgive my ranting on so long. That's what you get for asking me how I am after 14 years. Please know that I have hoped and prayed for all of us the whole of these last 14 years, and will continue to do so for all those who I remember well and those who remain, and may always remain, blurred faces in group.



I am your brother,

Michael Cadaret

[email protected]