Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones => Topic started by: ProgramAHolic on November 23, 2004, 10:32:00 PM
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Numerous CEDU students feel that CEDU enforces homosexuality. Does anyone agree?[ This Message was edited by: ProgramAHolic on 2005-01-24 15:21 ]
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INDEED you are right..CEDU is all for homoseuxality..they LUST for us to all be homosexuals they LONG AND ACHE FOR US ALL TO BE HOMOSEXUALS. It's crazy but its unquestionable. Sexuality at CEDU programs is usually looked down upon, if you "hook up" or engage in a sexual act with a member of the opposite sex you get consequences..but if its a little girl on girl action (or boy on boy action) they jump for joy!Anyways, After long, meaningful quickies with my dog, I've come to the conclusion that humans are much better at sexual intercourse especially WILLING humans,...that's off topic, but is it? Let me emphasize that CEDU is corrupt. Nobody understands CEDU! What do they want from us youngin's?[ This Message was edited by: HelpME on 2004-11-23 19:58 ]
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Anyone else?[ This Message was edited by: ProgramAHolic on 2005-01-24 15:22 ]
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HAHA yes, we all know that they loveee that..but I'm sure the boy on boy action is a little more to some staffs liking..if u know what and who I mean.. :lol:
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are you fucking kidding me?
they made homosexuality out to be a huge taboo at cedu... they made kids feel shameful for having experimented with people of the same gender. they discouraged it.
they just discouraged sexuality.
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When I was at CEDU, homosexuality was totally taboo, too. I mean, even if it was plainly evident that someone was (and who cares if he was) they would never touch it. If other kids brought it up, the staff changed the topic. In fact, when two older girls were caught by a younger student, the male staff accused the younger student of lying. The funny thing was that all normal sexual urges/behavior (the ones that indicate you are alive and developing well) were demonized;we were made to rehash these experiences/feelings and reinterpret them as wrong. This really fucked some of us up. It made us question normal behavior and assigned guilt to something that should be life affirming and beautiful.
I would have respected it so much more if staff just let us be flirtatious teenagers and treated sexuality as normal and just asserted they can't encourage sexual activity because of liability concerns (pregnancy etc.). Or even therapeutic concerns (we want you to focus on yourself, etc.)
In any event, I'm sure that when some of us got out, the first thing we did was get laid.
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so true shanlea....
you don't know how eager i was to throw my virginity away post cedu.
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Yeah, I thought you were crazy at first, but on further reflection I get your premise and conclusion.
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This is done to satisfy the Mormons that have taken over BCA. When I was there, mastrubation was "out of agreement" and people caught mastrubating were publically humiliated. One day Todd Degraff (Mormon Fanatic God) called the whole school population into the house and played "Whip It, Whip it Good." and during the humiliation, he showed the kids and staff the "victorias secret" pictures that the student was caught with, and then he publicly ridiculed him and condemned mastrubation - he, red faced, then threw the pictures on the floor, ranted, and fimally made the whole school go into raps for the rest of the day where they would be punished for sexuality Mormon style. We were scremed at for our perversion and sexuality and the poor kid was bullied for it and laughed at - just the the kid who got caught fucking the pig "weeeeee Weeeee" (fucking a pig isn't as bad as mastrubation to mormons. Ha ha - just kidding. But really, is it that much of a streach to a religion where all who perfectly conform believe they will be assigned the role of Gods and rule visciously over planets - (see "The God makers) paperback.
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perhaps not so much demonization of sexuality as opening our minds to see that there is love beyond sex. maybe that there is a profound connection possible between two men or between two women that is not usually expressed between us westerners... we're all able, i would presume, to find the magic of our own true sexuality; but to be able to see beyond the need for the physical... that is a new realm for most of us.
can you raise your kundalini serpent without a little physical sensation? probably not. there is much blockage in place due to societal pressures--
not to mention, the FOX network is becoming obvious in their plot to do the same "homosexual takeover" that you fear from CEDU or the mormons... dare i suggest close scrutiny will reveal a closely knit web of character names and references and between shows that is presently trying very covertly to humanise us a little more and, hopefull, take us out of a testosterone-laden male-dominated society and turn us into philosophic hermaphrodites (look it up, it's beneficial-- just don't manifest the eunich[sp?])
they don't want us GAY, just happy.
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Don't know much about the Mormon thoughts on this, but being raised Catholic, it seems worse, much worse regarding attitudes on sex.
So can anyone tell me the "real" reason for the separation of the sexes, or being in trouble for looking at the opposite sex. Is it something about self control? Or what?
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breaking attachments to sexuality and pretty much all other societal influence... taking care of "ME", keeping the kids who were molested etc safe from future molestations (supposedly, although HOW well did that work?)
also, and more recently i have discovered, the primary power a human has is sexuality. the denial of the libido is the door to complete acceptance and love of all things.
that was one way they could ensure we didn't rise up with brilliant new ideas and be more powerful than those who were in charge of our lives at that point.
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Now, I may be way off here, but I think a school has a pretty strong reason to be against sex among the students. Aside from whatever therapeutic nonesense they endorse you have to figure it would drive the public up the wall. It would create such a tidal wave of problems the place would probably have to shut down. I figure the parents would go nuts, the state would yank their permits, their accreditation would be popped, and their image would plummet. Especially when you consider they're supposed to be helping minors, not running a brothel.
If CEDU is anything like RMA was when I was there (Worse, right?) then I'm not surprised they take things to such an extreme that it's a witch hunt. I'm not saying they're right-nothing like good ol' shame and degradation to teach people morality. But I can see why they might have a reason behind what they do.
Enjoy-Polarbear
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I had already had sex as a fourteen year old entrant. I WAS working on a healthy sexual life in all of its exciting beginnings when I arrived at RMA. Though I agree it is not in the best interest of the school to allow sex contracts and even "experimentation" by its students, I AM NOT CONCERNED WITH WHAT WAS IN THE BEST INTERESTS OF THE SCHOOL.
RMA failed me in the regard of early developmental relationships and the strategies that make them work or not.
I am not writing about my individual experience there, I am talking about a flaw in the program. I was ill equipt to relate to girls (or anyone)my age when I finally got the opportunity to "drain my balls" on them. I didn't know how to act like I did care, like I didn't care, when I should care and how to "act" when sex was just sex. (which is Ok sometimes...most of the time)
It's all a biological need...well that's my opinion now, and with that metaphore in mind let's all think of eating or going to the bathroom. Well, after having been through the CEDU hoops 2.5 years later...I needed to be spoon fed for a while and also potty trained again.
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Polar,I agree that the school could not promote sex for obvious reasons.
What I take offense to is the damaging and invasive way that CEDU treated sex and it's deleterious effects on our sexual and personal development.
CEDU did this by:
--Overfixating and demonizing healthy sexual urges
--Destroying our sense of personal, sexual boundaries by exploiting and demonizing our feelings and experiences
--revictimizing people who suffered traumatic sexual events by means of verbal abuse and coersion
--Over-emphasizing our sexual experiences for their own voyeuristic purposes
--Exploiting (and distorting)our personal experiences to deal with their own past history
--Creating an unsafe therapeutic environment by bringing their own ADULT sexual stories (often unhealthy)into the private domain of developing minors
and finally,
--Treating normal sexual feelings and behavior abnormal and abnormal sexual feelings and behavior normal.
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you are so so right.
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mormons taking over ? must have sold out cause they were mormon haters cause they though that mormons were racists because of what the mormon church had said. they would always make a big deal about racism but they themselves hated others but as long as it was not them being talked about then it was fine. bca stands for what ? [ This Message was edited by: iknowcedulies on 2005-01-11 16:58 ]
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My reason for pointing out this flaw in the CEDU programs is not to say that they necessarily encourage sex only between the same gender, I meant to point out that many students will find ways to experiment with the same gender because the punishment is less severe and it takes care of their sexual urges.
I can agree that students having sex with one another within a program setting is a bad idea and that it would be a legal problem with certain circumstances. But what about kissing? Since when is kissing such an evil act? Many students will be publicly humiliated and cast out as whores once staff finds out about any lip-locking. Then the student will be put on bans from so much as poking the individual and even hugs become taboo.
Yes, some students need to have those very distinct and very strict lines drawn for them especially if they have issues saying no and drawing their own boundaries or if sex is one of their personal issues. But for others?
It's a known fact that if a young adult or child is told that they cannot do something, that they are more likely to want to do it just to be defiant or because they want to see what they can get away with. When students' sexual urges and thoughts are entirely supressed, they are bound to find ways to take care of it.
Take Milestones for instance... the program is to take young adults, ages 18-23, and help them transition into adulthood. But students cannot even have an independent outing until Phase 3, towards the end of their program, and cannot participate in any sexual act (including kissing) even if it is with someone that is not in the program until they have completed Phase 4 (the final phase) or have left the program. (It is at least strongly discouraged and then openly discussed for all to hear during raps). How is that helping students build healthy relationships between themselves and a significant other, whether of the same sex or not? It is more difficult to learn to draw healthy boundaries when they are drawn for you and also when there are no boundaries to be drawn... you simply cannot engage in any sexual act ever.
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Shanlea-I don't disagree with you at all. You're right. I can't say it makes sense to demean and attack people who are supposed to be getting help. As for Blownaway's comments-I don't think you can blame all of it on RMA. You could spend the rest of your life trying to figure that out for yourself. That's something no one can do for you.
Over the years I have tried to piece together what exactly it was about the RMA experience that didn't make sense to me. There was a lot. But something I've thought about was maybe there's too little foundation for what they're trying to teach. It's like they are trying to emphasize a kind of worldview or lifestyle that is similar to a moral one without any of the traditional religious or ethical teaching that ordinarily accompanies it.
Just for the sake of argument, I think most of us are influenced by a common Judeo/Christian culture, regardless of our beliefs, and it's hard to discuss values and morality without falling back on that shared culture. Maybe that's where you can rationalize attacking a young person's sexuality? Outside of that cultural background (or your own personal beliefs) what other absolutes are you enforcing?
I never saw the school make any conscious recognition of religion beyond the 60s New Age consciousness stuff they tossed into the mix.
I would say that I've got some experience with institutional living, having done several years in the military, and religion seems like a side of life you should leave available for people to practice as they wish. I don't recall it being an option when I was at RMA. I wouldn't force it on people, like I keep hearing about the Mormons on this site, but I think they should have provided access for those who wanted it. Then again, I bet they hate to admit there's a higher authority than themselves.
After reading some other peoples' comments I think back to some raps I was in. And opening up to deeply personal issues like that to uneducated laymen with petty personalities and no real training is about the last thing I would want to do! Like I said above-you could spend the rest of your life trying to work out those issues for yourself. I doubt they could do much good trying to dump shame and humiliation on your most intimate issues.
Enjoy-Polarbear
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I think the big stumbling block here is we're not dealing with adults. In most cases the students are, what, 14-18? So there's a big reason for them to smash any attempts at intimacy right at the get-go. I wonder how much of that was related to the shutdown of that one school-was it Cascade where the kids had a big sex-a-thon in the housing?
The fact is, these programs run on structure. They structure everything down to insane detail. I don't remember the RMA system ever allowing for a personal choice where there were no negative consequences. Maybe when you're at home or when you leave. I guess they figure you'll be armed to make the right choices if you just shut up, do it their way, and stay in your lane for a couple years. You do it their way or you pay.
I seem to remember them trying to sort of hold the carrot out to us, too. They had these legendary stories about upper school students who did so well that they were able to live off-campus in town and have a job. But I never saw it happen while I was there. No one ever managed to get anything remotely like that, either. Enjoy-Polarbear
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does anyone else see glimpse's of pro- homosexuality in any CEDU program?
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I remember the first Saturday I spent at cedu-rs.
My dorm head & several other older student ass-suckers were trying to get me excited during morning work crews by telling me about the big
"Dance" in the house after lunch. "Just do your dorm job so you can go to the dance!"--is what they kept telling me.
Anyways, after lunch I'm sitting on a couch in the house, and all the sudden staff starts blasting NEIL DIAMOND on the stereo...And I'm thinking "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!!" and "It's 1991, WHO THE FUCK DANCES TO THIS MUSIC???"
But the other students were going crazy and eating that shit up, honest to god it was like "Dance Party USA" in there! The kids were really getting down. The whole time I'm watching this, I know subconciously that something is very, very wrong about all of this...And then I realized what it was:
THE GUYS ARE ALL DANCING WITH GUYS!
THE GIRLS ARE ALL DANCING WITH GIRLS!
I DON'T SEE 1 PERSON HERE DANCING WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX!!!
"OH MY GOD, WHERE THE FUCK AM I???!!!!"
Needless to say at 14 years old I was Horrified.
My dorm head and several other male students invited me dance, I said "I Ain't Gay, So Get the Fuck Away From Me!"
It was later that I found that it is "OUT OF AGREEMENT" for guys to dance with girls at cedu, unless it's with staff of course. It figures that even something as innocent and natural as dancing would be ruined via some bizarre interprettation of CEDU's NO-SEX AGREEMENT.
Anyways, I witnessed many such gay dances at cedu. As an older student, I was grilled in raps by staff several times for refusing to participate in Cedu's "dances." Staff of course told me that I was "too scared to step out of my square." I would respond by drawing a line with my foot on the carpet and say: "There's the line, and on this side of it, I aint gay!" That's about the time when everyone else in the room would start yelling at me.
You ask if we believe that Cedu promotes homosexuality? Well, after spending over a year and a half watching man on man bumping and grinding every other Saturday...I would have to say ABSOLUTELY!!! And I haven't even mentioned man on man "SMOOSHING" (even more gay than the dances)!
CEDU SCHOOL IS BY FAR THE GAYEST PLACE I'VE EVER BEEN TO!!!
.
[ This Message was edited by: SON OF SERBIA on 2004-12-16 12:26 ]
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That's really weird. When I was at CEDU, guy-girl dancing was OK-we just couldn't hang all over each other. I find it weird that it couldn't be done at all then.
Sexuality in CEDU was weird over all. There were always rumors among the guys of rampant nudity and lesbian sex in the girl's dorm. Some of it was true. The guy's dorms were all different. Some were more modest than others. But there was still lots of sexual goofing around.
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ok, you say they lust on homosexuality....but the fact is that the staff and most of the kids are indeed very extremely homophobic...there was this girl M. that i knew when i was a student there and she was from OK and she was one of the most homophobic people i ever knew. i knew this kid S. and he was gay. and they gave him a lotta shit for it, kept asking him if he was sure or not. so maybe they fed off of homosexuality, but at CHS, Running Springs, Ca...they were extremely afraid of homosexuality
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(SinfullyHoly)Yes you are right about the Homophobic attitudes of Cedu Staff and students. At Least Verbally, Cedu-RS is very anti gay, and this was so even back in my day.
Why then did Cedu Staff encourage behavior such as Guys dancing with Guys or man on man "smooshing", that clearly conflicts with their gay-hating beliefs? Why would Cedu Staff pay so much lip service toward the belief that homosexuality is evil, and yet turn the other cheek while that same behavior was acted out in front of them?
Do you want my answer? Cedu wanted to confuse us. We were taught to hate and fear homosexuality. Homosexuality was EVIL. Yet at the same time, students were strongly encouraged to pursue a level intimacy with people of the same sex(IE: SMOOSHING) that far exceeds what most people would consider normal & healthy
friendly contact. The line gets really,really, blurred at that point. "How close can I get with so & so and still not be gay? Are we already doing something gay? How do I know when I've gone too far?" These are the questions
that a confused boy at cedu may ask himself.
Now in the real world questions like this would never come up. That's because we have set boundaries or NORMS in society, and everyone sane knows where the line is that you don't cross. For instance, I know that I can't just go over to my best friends house, lay down and put my head in his lap, and ask him to play with
my hair....I would get my ass kicked something fierce for doing that, and I would know exactly why he did it too. That's because in a normal society the rules work in conjuction with one another, everyone knows them, and the difference
between right and wrong is clear as day.
This doesn't exist at Cedu. The whole homosexuality thing for example...The rule is that we hate homosexuals, but in pursuing friendship with people of the same sex, it is okay to cuddle with, lay and top of them, massage them, and caress their hair and faces?!! At Cedu, the rules are set against one another.
Of course students get confused! And in their moments of confusion, who do these kids turn to for guidance and answers that their confused minds can't fathom? You guessed it...Cedu Staff,who in the giving of this guidance usally find ways to confuse the kids even more.
It's all about about power. As long as Cedu students remained frustrated and confused, they will depend on staff for answers and guidance. It is this dependence that gives cedu staff their power, so staff will do their very
best to keep these kids confused.
From what I've read about cults, methods such as these are not new, and have been used for decades by cult leaders to maintain the confidence and dependence of their respective groups.
Then again, Cedu emerged from a cult (Mel Wasserman was connected to Synanon), so this shouldn't be news to anyone.
Just a thought.
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[ This Message was edited by: SON OF SERBIA on 2004-12-17 09:39 ]
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You are so so right. Good tip, I wonder what the experts say about the fallout from such a lambasting. Confusion WAS the goal? hmmm that doesn't sound very helpful, mom.
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On 2004-12-16 09:39:00, SON OF SERBIA wrote:
"I remember the first Saturday I spent at cedu-rs.
My dorm head & several other older student ass-suckers were trying to get me excited during morning work crews by telling me about the big
"Dance" in the house after lunch. "Just do your dorm job so you can go to the dance!"--is what they kept telling me.
Anyways, after lunch I'm sitting on a couch in the house, and all the sudden staff starts blasting NEIL DIAMOND on the stereo...And I'm thinking "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!!" and "It's 1991, WHO THE FUCK DANCES TO THIS MUSIC???"
But the other students were going crazy and eating that shit up, honest to god it was like "Dance Party USA" in there! The kids were really getting down. The whole time I'm watching this, I know subconciously that something is very, very wrong about all of this...And then I realized what it was:
THE GUYS ARE ALL DANCING WITH GUYS!
THE GIRLS ARE ALL DANCING WITH GIRLS!
I DON'T SEE 1 PERSON HERE DANCING WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX!!!
"OH MY GOD, WHERE THE FUCK AM I???!!!!"
Needless to say at 14 years old I was Horrified.
My dorm head and several other male students invited me dance, I said "I Ain't Gay, So Get the Fuck Away From Me!"
It was later that I found that it is "OUT OF AGREEMENT" for guys to dance with girls at cedu, unless it's with staff of course. It figures that even something as innocent and natural as dancing would be ruined via some bizarre interprettation of CEDU's NO-SEX AGREEMENT.
Anyways, I witnessed many such gay dances at cedu. As an older student, I was grilled in raps by staff several times for refusing to participate in Cedu's "dances." Staff of course told me that I was "too scared to step out of my square." I would respond by drawing a line with my foot on the carpet and say: "There's the line, and on this side of it, I aint gay!" That's about the time when everyone else in the room would start yelling at me.
You ask if we believe that Cedu promotes homosexuality? Well, after spending over a year and a half watching man on man bumping and grinding every other Saturday...I would have to say ABSOLUTELY!!! And I haven't even mentioned man on man "SMOOSHING" (even more gay than the dances)!
CEDU SCHOOL IS BY FAR THE GAYEST PLACE I'VE EVER BEEN TO!!!
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[ This Message was edited by: SON OF SERBIA on 2004-12-16 12:26 ]"
I remember the first dance I saw at RMA. Almost the same...my reaction. That shit was ALL wierd. I see now that it takes weeks to respond to what someone wrote here. What we went through those developmental years did affect us. These strings about sex at cedu should show lots. I'll continue to post when I'm not russian.
Smooshing? Please don't remind me about how NORMAL it was by the end of two years. And how absolutely fagolicious it was (perceived) when I first got there.
One more: Did CEDU promote homosexuality or the opposite...or just confuse? I'm gonna have to really think about that some. once again,
-blownawaytheidahoway
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Son of Serbia is exactly right - The whole point is to confuse and thus hypnotise // brainwash // scare.
All of CEDU, BCA, RMA are about brainwashing for profit and a feeling of power for weak staff.
I can attest to this as a former trained and brainwashed CEDU H, RMA and BCA staff member.
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Son of Serbia is exactly right - The whole point is to confuse and thus hypnotise // brainwash // scare.
All of CEDU, BCA, RMA are about brainwashing for profit and a feeling of power for weak staff.
I can attest to this as a former trained and brainwashed CEDU H, RMA and BCA staff member.
You Might like this, Anon...drain my balls, I just couldn't bring myself to edit it. I have "grown" a little more mature since then, apologizing, but ready to further discuss "sex at CEDU".
bompit!
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i am sort of tripping out because i dont remember guy on guy or girl on girl dancing at cedu. but i dont remember ever dancing with anyone. i just remember screaming at the floor and then being showered with affection and so glad that i wasnt screaming at the floor anymore.
i also remember being sure that one staff was homosexual and having sex with the guys in my peer group. i was extremely jealous that they got to have sex and i didnt. but the guy i was sure he was having sex with i was pretty sure was actually straight and just taking what he could get, which probably fucked him up pretty bad.
i never felt any less fear of being caught with a girl at cedu than being caught with a guy, i never felt tempted to try and make out with a girl because i thought i would get off easier. in fact i felt more scared to try and make out with a girl cause i figure she'd be more likely to tell.
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i am sort of tripping out because i dont remember guy on guy or girl on girl dancing at cedu. but i dont remember ever dancing with anyone. i just remember screaming at the floor and then being showered with affection and so glad that i wasnt screaming at the floor anymore.
i also remember being sure that one staff was homosexual and having sex with the guys in my peer group. i was extremely jealous that they got to have sex and i didnt. but the guy i was sure he was having sex with i was pretty sure was actually straight and just taking what he could get, which probably fucked him up pretty bad.
i never felt any less fear of being caught with a girl at cedu than being caught with a guy, i never felt tempted to try and make out with a girl because i thought i would get off easier. in fact i felt more scared to try and make out with a girl cause i figure she'd be more likely to tell.
Well, here's the thing. If you actually identified as gay, then your trip through CEDU was a lot more painful, because you were always held up to scrutiny when you smooshed, exactly as if you had been a straight boy. You could do it, but people would give you shit about it if they thought you were getting off on it.
If you want to see guy on guy or girl on girl dancing, I have pictures from 50s night, sweetheart. :D
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Alia I'm surprised you don't remember same sex dancing. That's all we could do in CEDU RS circa late 80s! Which would've been fine had I had crushes on girls!
The funny thing, I was just telling my BF, is that I really prefer dancing with girls, cause I can cut loose and have more fun. I like to sloooow dance with mi amor, but even when I went to clubs, it was with my girl posse and I'd tell all the boys they'd have to dance with us all to stand a chance. Not they they minded. Smirk.
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I graduated from cedu in'87, and while we did have a prom type dance, that was the only time I remember dancing with the boys. Laurie, or was it Laura, Saunders (Sanders?) made me put bandaids on my nips because she thought they would show through my dress.
Alia I'm surprised you don't remember same sex dancing. That's all we could do in CEDU RS circa late 80s! Which would've been fine had I had crushes on girls!
The funny thing, I was just telling my BF, is that I really prefer dancing with girls, cause I can cut loose and have more fun. I like to sloooow dance with mi amor, but even when I went to clubs, it was with my girl posse and I'd tell all the boys they'd have to dance with us all to stand a chance. Not they they minded. Smirk.
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I graduated from cedu in'87, and while we did have a prom type dance, that was the only time I remember dancing with the boys. Laurie, or was it Laura, Saunders (Sanders?) made me put bandaids on my nips because she thought they would show through my dress.
Alia I'm surprised you don't remember same sex dancing. That's all we could do in CEDU RS circa late 80s! Which would've been fine had I had crushes on girls!
The funny thing, I was just telling my BF, is that I really prefer dancing with girls, cause I can cut loose and have more fun. I like to sloooow dance with mi amor, but even when I went to clubs, it was with my girl posse and I'd tell all the boys they'd have to dance with us all to stand a chance. Not they they minded. Smirk.
the only time it is appropriate to put band-aids on nipples (aside from running a marathon) is if you aren't wearing anything else and want to be a tease.
Yeah, I remember "prom". What a fucking joke. Make us dress up just so we could all go to walden to dance to the fucking steve miller band. Oh joy, lets all dance to saturday crews music. time keeps on slippin...
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Misty Eyed, I might have known you at CEDU RS.
PM me as Shanlea. I would have been in Vision.
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QUOTE BY CEDU IS A CULT
I just didn't have real friends for the most part at CEDU and it was harder to have real friends after CEDU. It was like I could never relax and just be myself with "CEDU" friends. I never was or could be the type of person that "CEDU" considers a "real friend" or that I would want to have as a "real friend." There are too many things I like to do that CEDU forced its believers to think is wrong.
I mean I remember getting blown away about liking eating pussy when I was like 13 years old. Shit- nothings changed! (just kidding- a little humour)
Also, I see nothing wrong with smoking a little herb.
I don't think people have to know every detail about eachother to be the best of friends or lovers.
I like going dirt bike riding and motorcycles as opposed to smooshing, telling cop-outs or crying. In fact, I have only physically cried tears three times in the last several years as opposed to CEDU's theory of almost daily tears.
I don't believe in their philosophy of what a true man is.
I believe to thine own self be true, and in other words F what anyone else thinks.
I'm only saying this pretending that CEDU actually had a philosophy that it actually believed in and practiced.
The fact is CEDU was brutally physically, emotionally, sexually abusive. I mean don't you fucking remember the shit you heard in raps and profeets?
Don't you remember the intense shame and humiliation?
The bead of sweat, the shaky nerves, the paranoia, the first time you heard someone cop-out to the group and it was your turn next?
The brutal way they pushed and pushed and pushed until you fucking broke and became hollow?
You know something, I figured out what Ceduites remind me of- born-again christians. That "Jesus loves me" glow people had after profeets. And that high you had coming out of profeets- it was the same psycho-somatic high born-again christians have.
Some people on this site are basically Born-again Cedus. Cedu loves you. Have you accepted Cedu into your heart as your personal lord and saviour? But for the grace of Cedu. Is there a parallel between pedophile priests and Cedu staff members?
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three year old posts. but i though they were relevant
enjoy.
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three year old posts. but i though they were relevant
enjoy.
I don't know if I can say that those years were among my favorite. I really tried to take the good with the bad for many years, but to be truthful, I did not often feel what I consider to be real friendships there. A few, but then they were with older brothers that were watching me, and while at the same time making my stay a tiny fraction more bearable, abandoning me for the rest of life? I had few staff friends and the one that I really did have conceeds that I was very misunderstood and that I did have staff who vocally disliked me. I now know that that was their reacting to what they percieved as fearlessness and pride. The people I would like to talk to most about RMA and the whole CEDU enchilada are the people I hope not yet to run into. Almost all the people in my peer group were not cool to me. I was just someone they could beat up on because I was more cerebral. I would become reactive eventually and the heat would be extinguished under their own chair. I resented the cycle. Also, I just didn't really like some of them. But I don't know what they as individuals became. It's not fair to rail on them now, at least not like the staff, but I know that I will have to think a lot about them if I keep corresponding with this crowd.
I do see that there is certainly a love/hate relationship with these places. That is certainly textbook for someone who is confused about what it all means.
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Well crikey... I figured this would be a good part of the forum to give you my take on the whole sexuality thing from when I attended CEDU RS back in 78-80... I had an inkling I was gay even back before then and perhaps my Dad had sent me to CEDU with the thought that it would help me deal with the issue. Little did he know that it didn't help at all, and just made things more confusing.
I remember smooshing... I remember feeling really fucking confused about it as there were guys I was smooshing with that I had crushes on. I mean for fuck sake I was 16 years old..... I do remember getting in trouble one time after messing around with another guy named Jordan. I have no idea if he is straight or gay or whatever, it was 28 years ago.......
I never felt safe or supported being queer at Cedu RS, in fact I felt like I always had to watch my back...
I do wonder what happened to some of my classmates from back then ...Alison Frome... My best friend back then was Damon Keyes and I have no idea if he's alive or dead or what... I just had to chip in the say it was no picnic in the park.. Looking back as a gay man now, the experience was a mixed bag. I enjoyed the death Valley trip and the physical challenges, but I'm not sure about all of the propheet stuff as I am just now reading peoples stories of their experiences with it all..
LOL the funny thing is that when I graduated from CEDU I ran to San Francisco and came out for good where I lived on and off for 17 years...
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Well I just did a search and found out a classmate of mine I just mentioned before from CEDU RS in 1980 died in 2006 at the age of 38... =( :o
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you guys gotta let me know who the ceduites are so i won't let them influence me at all.
thanks.
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you guys gotta let me know who the ceduites are so i won't let them influence me at all.
thanks.
"Is the dark side stronger?"
"No...no...no. Quicker, easier, more seductive."
"But how am I to know the good side from the bad?"
"You will know. When you are calm, at peace. Passive. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack."
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I was in Running Springs in 1980. Yes, like already stated, gays were shamed in raps.
Screw animals, fine. Screw students (Dan Earle) is okay, too. But, find love with a fellow human of the same sex, well then that's just ugly.
At 17, I knew how horribly and wrongly treated gays were. My heart broke then. At 43, I'd kick the ass of any abusive homophobe. :flame:
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i was there like 89 i guess. i may have stated later on here, i was confused for a while, but i checked my journals i think i got there in 89, grad 91. i think in 80 the kids were still a lot older, they got younger and younger by the time i was there, i was enrolled at 14.
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Alia-
I think you graduated in 1992 or 1993......I believe you were the peer group above mine.....which would make you june of 1993.
-V