Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Straight, Inc. and Derivatives => Topic started by: Woof-a-Doof on February 08, 2009, 09:25:51 AM
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Not too awful long ago, I was privy to a conversation in regard to the Japanese Army personnel left in the jungles of various islands through out the Southern Pacific. They, for one reason or another had been instructed to stay, continue to fight the war until they were told otherwise. Now, seems the Japanese people in general are a most dutiful group of people, and as it turned out many of these men did as instructed.
It was not until the mid 1970’s these last few warriors were plucked from the jungle of the islands they had well protected since the early to mid 1940’s. The Japanese government sought out the remaining, high-ranking officials(all retired). They had them re-dressed in their finest military garb of that time period, including medals and samara swords. They went trekking thru these jungles calling out to the warriors, cajoling them from their entrenchments along mountainsides, valleys and ridgelines.
One by one the warriors, recognizing the military leaders of their time, complied. They laid their arms down and slowly came out of hiding. They were loaded on ships and taken back to Japan, where they received a hero’s welcome. Full military services were conducted for these men in their honor. They were thanked (and ya gotta admit, the Japanese are masters at “thank you”) for their service to country and for their unwavering loyalty and devotion to their posts, instructions and to their “superiors” that had given the orders to “Stay Put” and fight the good fight.
Now surely, somewhere along the line, someone, somebody, some entity informed them….”Um…fellas…the war has been over now for some 30 odd years.” And the realization must have sunk in, that they had stayed in the jungles, with loaded weapons, dilapidated uniforms…for no reason, the war was over. They were unaware a truce had been made.
Their own countrymen did not laugh at their “being stuck in a jungle, fighting a war that no longer existed”. As I said, they did just the opposite. These men were highly honored and viewed as heroes…not doddering old fools that didn’t have enough common sense to say WTF, we be screwed over big time. The men were not upset, they had somehow managed to save face and save ass at the same time (not an easy task).
The conversation struck a deep cord within me. Ever conscious of Straight Inc, it’s aftermath. All the suffering endured, by myself and scores of others during incarceration, after incarceration and a life time since incarceration. This conversation resonated thru me. Thoughts of “No Child Left Behind” and “Human Rights” swarmed thru my head real thick. Yet mixed in with these types of thoughts, bubbled up another thought: “The war was over!”
My apologies for taking this as personal as I did and still do. I received no heroes welcome, nor was I enshrouded with “Honor”. I was not held in any high esteem…. However, for me, indeed, the horror of the war, my incarceration in Straight Inc was long over, over 30 years now. But like so many others, there is/was this stigma left hanging over my head, not unlike some dark cloud, looming over my head like “Bad Luck Schleprock” from the Flintstone cartoons.
Over the following days, I kept reflecting on Richard Mullinax’s LOA. For the first time in many many years I felt a sense of respect for what I had endured. A high ranking official calling from the valley floor, apologizing….Was it really true? Was the “War” really over…was there no longer a need to take up arms, to hide in the thickets of my own inner landscape, poised to attack, ready to execute my best training received within the warehouse walls of Straight Inc.?
My circular thinking brought me back to my thoughts of “Healing” and further into my thoughts on “Forgiveness”. With Richards LOA, which I felt to be sincere, I could allow myself to “Heal” and to no small degree, “Forgive”. Of course each of us have our own unique definition of “Healing” and “Forgiveness”. It is beyond the scope of this post to imply that my understanding (as it unfolds) is appropriate and fitting for everyone. My personal “Healing” is just that-my personal healing. This does not negate my genuine wish for all of us to have “Healing”, yet I understand we all will “heal” in our own way and so I continue to strive for words that promote “healing”.
As far as “Forgiveness” goes, I am of the opinion that this also is an individual matter. I cannot think of, nor do I want to draw up an outline of the “Forgiveness” process. This I can do for myself, this I can come to understand for myself. But, for others, not so much. I haven’t any answers that would universally appeal to all who have walked in my shoes. As I think on it further, I am not sure it is my place to suggest that anyone “forgive”. We each have a burden to carry here, and no one person I think is capable of doing that for another.
For me, yes, the war is over! I don’t require a hero’s welcome. I don’t require any special treatment because I continued to fight, long after the war was over. And it, I believe, was a personal fight, for personal reasons…which shouldn’t be difficult to understand. I simply don’t want to fight anymore; I am tired of the raging internal battles. I saw, personally a need to “forgive”, so that I may have some hint of peace. As before, with my personal battles, this venture of “forgiveness” is also personal. None of you can “forgive” for me. As that stands, I cannot “forgive” for anyone else. It is strictly a persons choice. For my own sense of sanity, I saw the need for “Forgiveness” for what happened to me personally.
Stating that I saw the “need for forgiveness” I don’t want to mislead anyone into thinking I have gotten any further than that… I simply saw the need. As such, my “forgiveness” is very much still a work in progress as is my own “Healing”.
I recognize that my conceptualization of these notions may not sit well with others. I understand the fact that some may be diametrically opposed to these notions and that is ok. It is not my wish to bring anyone to one side of the table or another. That’s your choice. I simply got up early, finally had the time to write. And I chose to write what has been on my mind as of late.
Much Healing
woof
x-posted
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Only one small problem.
If you bothered reading the rest of Fornits, you'd know the war's not actually over.
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That's interesting Woof and rather coincidental as far as I'm concerned, that you should post about the Japanese warriors who didn't come out of the jungle until the 70s. I was born on a small island in the Pacific in 1968 and oddly enough, only a few miles from where I was born one of the last Japanese to come out of the jungle was still in hiding. His name was Shoichi Yokoi and he was "captured" in 1972 by local fisherman who had been monitoring their shrimp traps along the Telafofo river on Guam. Now, this cat hadn't been fighting all that time, he'd just been in hiding, in a little cave, still pretty wild. There were at least 2 other long time hold-outs on Guam, but they surrendered sometime in the 60s.
The man who has really captured my imagination is 2nd lieutenant Hiroo Onoda. What a bad-ass this guy was! The very last fighting Japanese soldier to surrender, which he finally did in 1974. He had been fighting from the mountains of Lubang island, which is about 70 miles south of Manilla, all the way up until the time of his surrender. He wasn't alone either. When the Americans came back to re-take the Phillipines he led 3 men up into the hills, where they continued to fight, guerrilla style, shooting at local police and burning the local food supplies and the like, as these had been their orders: continue to fight and we'll be back.
The part that gets me the most is the part of the story where there was only 3 of them left because one had turned himself in to local Fillipino police in like 1959 or something, but the other 3 were actively fighting and engaging in all kinds of sabotage and such, carrying out their military orders to never surrender, and in Hiroo's case he was ordered to never take his own life either, as he had been specially trained and was not a common soldier. So during a mission they were on they got involved in a shoot-out with locals and one of Hiroos men took a bullet in the leg. The other 2 then dragged him back to their hide-out deep in the jungle and slowly nursed him back to health without any medical equipment. But the man was killed in another shootout the following year. Can you imagine, the bond between these men and the grief the must have felt at the loss ? So then there were only 2. I think the other soldier was killed in "battle in 1972. Hiroo Ononda continued to fight alone until 1974 when a traveling Japanese hippie type kid went to look for him and was able to find him, befriend him and convince him to surrender, which wasn't easy. In fact he refused to surrender unless he received direct orders from his commanding officer who was, by then a civilian book seller in Japan. So the arrangements were made and Hiroo and his former commander met at a pre-determined place in the jungle where a tent had been set up. His commanding officer addressed Lieutenant Ononda, who was dressed in his military uniform, complete with well maintained japanese military rifle, rounds and 5 grenades. When he was given the order to stand down, he brokedown and wept openly.
Sadly by the time he finally surrendered he had needlessly killed 30 people. Truly, this guy's story is both tragic and inspirational. I'll post this wikipedia link to him, and ya'll can take it from there.
http://enwikipedia.org/wikiHiroo_Onoda (http://enwikipedia.org/wikiHiroo_Onoda)
Peace Woof
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Bummer, looks like that link aint gettin it. Just google Hiroo Onoda. It's an absolutely incredible story.
Also to the poster above, I think Woof is just referrin to his own personal war, within himself.
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Only one small problem.
If you bothered reading the rest of Fornits, you'd know the war's not actually over.
Actually, it's no problem. It's rather simple, I dont need to read the "rest of fornits" and so, I don't. Your assumption that I think the "war is not actually over" in regard to the teen abuse industry....well, is also sadly mistaken. If your eyes could read and follow a story, the word "war" is illustrating a point.... and going by your responce, you missed it entirely.
Thats the only small problem.
What ever happened to the something being written to introduce a concept by using a third party experience, or an analogy without someone taking it literally? Has the world become unable to use thier literary imagination to grasp new or at least various ideas?
Jeesh, read deeper, think deeper, go deeper...if ya have the capacity. And if your still not fighting a war! (tween your own two ears)
Much Healing
woof
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W.A.D, that was a bitchy little post to someone who simply still feels strongly about programs still hurting, torturing, abusing, fucking up kids to this day. But perhaps you are trying to illustrate the soldier who is still shooting at people decades after the war is over, an old soldier with cataracts or whatever who can't see. Yeah, that's probably it -- it's a tricky conceit to follow.
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For reasons I do not understand, my mind continues to return to this phenomenally unpopular concept of forgiveness. Either the thought bubbles up into my consciousness, or it comes from the outside. I can simply hear the word in some unrelated conversation and my brain is off and running. Then there are times I am actively reading or discussing this idea.
My largest observation is how reluctant, how down right obstinate, if not subtly belligerent in some disdain I have for the topic. Clearly, in many aspects I strongly advocate the idea, or at best the concept of forgiveness. But seemingly I am equally contemptuous and at the ready for rage and wrath to spring forward. Which obscures my effort to investigate forgiveness.
The contempt I mentioned is so deeply ingrained, entrenched…I have 30+ years experience with this. And as Pirate mentioned, I have been in a personal war…isn’t that kinda obvious?
What used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder has been more and more referred to as Disassociative Disorder. Looking back Straight Inc. called it “getting into your head”. What I call it is a defense mechanism! This was my personal my first stage of defense against the constant bombardment of abuse….from the most sublime to the outrageous. I recall achieving levels of complete numbness to the circumstances we were surrounded by…a perverted crude form of meditation, maybe, but it worked. Stage 2 in my defense strategy was fantasy. I never fantasized about things being better in Straight, I think instinctively I knew that was futile. But sexually, that was a different story. I also fantasized about being on beaches etc. But I what I recall fantasizing the most about was being somebody else. My rationale was that I was in such a shitty situation, with no end in sight, that if I was anyone else….by default I would be in a better situation. I wanted to be any other place than where I was.
That’s how I survived my tour as a POW in The Drug War, incarcerated in Straight Inc.
I am of the opinion that we all developed Defense Mechanisms to survive the WAR. The methods may have varied. No, obviously they varied. Some like myself were masters at escaping between my own ears. Others rocked out, a lot fought staff and each other. Some carved on their selves, others fucked with each other in more benign ways.
When I heard the original conversation (and I think it’s amazing to read Pirates account of the soldiers) what struck me the most was not so much “The WAR”. Perhaps I wrote to soon and didn’t look into it with the depth necessary to articulate what ever it was that compels me to write.
I really hate to say I misspoke, or that I was inaccurate…so, I wont. However, I will concede that it was/is incomplete.
Allow me to miss a covered facet to my analogy. I think I was wrong to imply that “The WAR” is over. The concept of WAR is far too reaching to examine, grasp, explain and to have all agree, universally.
However, I think it universal in our experience that we all had developed these Defense Mechanisms. My concern, for myself, all of us is the idea that these Defense Mechanisms are still deployed today. How many relationshits have gone down in flames because of these Defense Mechanisms? How many careers, jobs have been lost due to these Defense Mechanisms? How many friendships lost, avoided, or destroyed by these Defense Mechanisms?
Defense Mechanisms are only required when attacked…yet more often than not, I only perceive an attack where there is none. By that time my counter attack or Defense Mechanisms have kicked in and I find myself helplessly bogged down in ancient reactions. So, no, the WAR is not over.
Euphemistically speaking, how do we draw up a truce? How do we initiate a cease-fire tween our own ears and with each other, or loved ones, the ones we hold near and dear?
I wanna address which either is dark humor or the serious anger that seems to surface when subjects of peace, healing, forgiveness comes up. I am not of the opinion that we are less than intelligent individuals…. weren’t stupid then, and we aint stupid now. So when I see something that essentially reads Fuck Peace, Fuck Forgiveness, Fuck Healing. I wish those who write things like this could expound on their standing.
I mean, if you’re not for peace, internal or external, why? Do you know why? Is it the struggle to find it? Is it the difficulty maintaining it? Is it just simpler to be at war? Could it be a Defense Mechanism learned in Straight Inc, being used 20+ years later?
I fail to subscribe to the notion that people prefer to suffer because of Straight Inc. As I mentioned, it’s either very dark humor, or perhaps there are severely traumatized and damaged individuals. I maybe close to the truth if I lean towards the idea that there is probably and even mixture of both…I dunno. I just don’t understand how suffering can be funny. Nor do I understand the reluctance to investigate an idea, any idea, anyone’s idea so that we can suffer less because of Straight Inc.
There is, to date, nowhere else I can take this idea and have it understood in concept. Then have the concept explored, examined and tweeked to fit our own experience in an effort to bring peace individually and collectively.
Bringing these ideas of healing, peace, forgiveness to you, the reader, the survivor, the ones who suffer as I do, I am in hope the concepts will generate thought. That these thoughts would be honored and shared so that genuine healing can begin to take root, so that perhaps we can generate a new history.
So much is said for the “programs” still in existence. So much focus as placed on bringing them down, we neglect to offer an insight to the healing of the abuse we know took place.
Why not a protest sign say….we can get ya out….but ya got a life time of shit we cant help ya with, can’t tell ya about it (because we don’t know ourselves) Brace yourself for shitty relationships, failed friendships (volatile at best) erratic job history due to extreme lack of social skills.
Now…please….I am not dissing the effort of our protestors…..I been to several myself. Yet if these concepts are not at least mulled over we do a disservice to this generation, currently locked up in warehouses all over the place. Suicides will continue, families destroyed, lives ruined.
Truly saddens me…I’ve said enuff
Namaste
woof
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Woof - Fo0r a long time I was anti forgiveness. I thought it was a fluffy word, and that people who cause immense harm shouldn't be forgiven, that healing meant staying away from those people and moving on with life. Accepting that it happened to you and learning from it.
Over time I've learned a lot about forgiveness and am often surprised about the people I'm able to truly forgive. The people I've been actually been able to have contact with and settle things with in person, I was able to do so because I became aware of their thought process and accepted them for what they lacked. I found that when I'm carrying a chip on my shoulder, the only way to replace that negative energy which I don't really want to be carrying, is to be able to care for the person who caused the suffering. An example would be someone who abandoned me at a crucial time and caused me much pain along with inconvenience, and then continued to become more and more selfish every time I tried to rely on him again. I saw him for who he was and understood he was unable to be around anybody "in need" including himself, and whenever he suffers he covers it up with egotism. Now when I see his head swelling I know he's suffering and I extend my hand out to him, instead of having the attitude "Well where was he when I needed him?". I know that it's the only way he will ever be able to heal, and I know that I would suffer if I stayed angry.
Another AARC victim and I were discussing forgiving Dean Vause and the "clinicals" and peers etc. That's such a huge thing to think about and most of us can only take such big of steps towards this. We were discussing praying for the people we "hate" and meditating on sending them joy so that they can experience it. We came to the agreement that while neither of us could truly feel the need to assist our abusers in finding true happiness, what we could truly feel was the need for those people to see their lives and actions with absolute clarity - which is a step towards peace. If they could see where they went wrong, and feel what harmed they've caused, and if they could change themselves... Everyone would benefit from that.
The "war" against these abusive centers continues, and of course everyone who caused harm needs to be held accountable for that and stopped. But to spend my time thinking "I hope he burns and suffers and is tortured like we were" won't do anybody any good... Selfishly (in the positive sense) I know that it won't do ME any good. So instead I focus on hoping that everyone who has been through this hell - the programmed people who continued the programming included - gets to have clarity and be freed from this awful cycle of abuse so it can come to an end.
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So much is said for the “programs” still in existence. So much focus as placed on bringing them down, we neglect to offer an insight to the healing of the abuse we know took place.
Why not a protest sign say….we can get ya out….but ya got a life time of shit we cant help ya with, can’t tell ya about it (because we don’t know ourselves) Brace yourself for shitty relationships, failed friendships (volatile at best) erratic job history due to extreme lack of social skills.
Now…please….I am not dissing the effort of our protestors…..I been to several myself. Yet if these concepts are not at least mulled over we do a disservice to this generation, currently locked up in warehouses all over the place. Suicides will continue, families destroyed, lives ruined.
Truly saddens me…I’ve said enuff
I know what you're saying; I have often thought that there should be just as much focus and attention paid to improving insight into and creating opportunity for healing from the post-traumatic effects caused by the nightmare of having been subjected to Straight Inc. as is paid to shutting them down.
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So much is said for the “programs” still in existence. So much focus as placed on bringing them down, we neglect to offer an insight to the healing of the abuse we know took place.
Why not a protest sign say….we can get ya out….but ya got a life time of shit we cant help ya with, can’t tell ya about it (because we don’t know ourselves) Brace yourself for shitty relationships, failed friendships (volatile at best) erratic job history due to extreme lack of social skills.
Now…please….I am not dissing the effort of our protestors…..I been to several myself. Yet if these concepts are not at least mulled over we do a disservice to this generation, currently locked up in warehouses all over the place. Suicides will continue, families destroyed, lives ruined.
Truly saddens me…I’ve said enuff
I know what you're saying; I have often thought that there should be just as much focus and attention paid to improving insight into and creating opportunity for healing from the post-traumatic effects caused by the nightmare of having been subjected to Straight Inc. as is paid to shutting them down.
I am all for shutting every program down, but finding understanding and maybe solutions that others have used to cope with the effects of the programs would be helpful.
Forgiveness is difficult. I'm far from even contemplating forgiving the program. However, I struggle with forgiveness for my family for putting me there. One one hand, they thought that they were helping me, but on the other, what the fuck, be a parent.
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The hardest thing to accept about the human animal is that they,meaning themselves,don't care about much if it didn't happen to them.To me,it burns like a hot bile inside.The truth of the matter is the reason Straight went on like it did for as long as it did was caused by apathy.Maybe this economic crisis might be karma for U.S. Society being more concerned what's in their wallet,in their garage,and in their living rooms and not enough about the atrocities to children happening in their very own neighborhoods.To me,it's mindboggling that ANY parent would trust their child's safety and well-being to the likes of an obvious misfit like Helen Petermann,yet hundreds if not thousands did.At least my relatives got a homeland for their tribulations at the hands of the Nazis.For the most part all that I've gotten was a pat on the back and a "get over It".I'm forced to trust that justice lays in the hands of higher powers to set the cards straight.NOBODY DOWN HERE CARES AND NOBODY DOWN HERE IS GOING TO CARE.
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What he said.